Cassian squeezed his eyes shut. ‘It’s stupid.’
‘You’ve come to the right place then: I’ve done more stupid things than you’ve had hot dinners. If you want to tell me, I promise I’ll hear you out. You don’t have to but I wish you will.’
Cassian glared at the sheets. Somehow, wretchedly, from being on the verge of passing out, he wasn’t tired at all any more. He sent a curse in the general direction of whatever controlled sleep. ‘It’s just . . . a thing I thought about. Think about. Sometimes.’
‘This is the kind of thinking one does with a hand on one’s cock, yes? I wouldloveto know what you think about.’
He’d never told anyone this. He hadn’t had anyone to tell, and he simply couldn’t with paid company, and he was the Duke of Severn. Except here, where he was Cassian, withDaizell. ‘I . . . being with someone who’d . . . you know. While I was asleep.’
There was a short pause. ‘Really?’
‘Mmm.’
‘Actually asleep? That is, and I’m not being difficult, but wouldn’t one wake up?’
‘Well, one might, but . . . I don’t know. It’s just a thing I think about.’ If he blushed any harder, he might set fire to the sheets.
‘No, I see that,’ Daizell said. ‘Is it something you’ve tried, at all?’
Cassian shook his head. Daizell leaned in, resting his own head on Cassian’s shoulder. ‘Well. So one would want to wake up and find oneself being, uh, manhandled?’
‘It’s all right. You said you wouldn’t want to.’
‘I wouldn’t want to do it to someone who didn’t want it done to them. Although, if you think about it, that covers everything from kissing to two-at-a-time buggery. I asked because – well, actually, I have woken up with someone manhandling me, very muchnotsomeone I’d invited to do so, and in what you might call the ensuing discussion, I broke his nose. Which was very much a matter of instinct, and I’d rather not have my nose instinctually rearranged by someone else. But I suppose if one was expecting it or familiar with one’s bed partner, that would be different.’
‘I’ve never broken anyone’s nose,’ Cassian managed. ‘You seem to make a habit of it.’
‘Once. I’ve done itonce,’ Daizell said indignantly. ‘Or twice, I suppose, if you count that prick in the crash.’
‘How could you not count him? You broke his nose!’ He knew very well what Daizell was doing, easing the moodwith absurdity. It still worked. ‘I – can’t promise I wouldn’t strike out, I suppose. It’s probably—’
‘Don’t say a stupid idea. It isn’t stupid to want things.’
‘It can be,’ Cassian said, with feeling.
‘No, it isn’t. Sometimes it’s stupid to try to get them, or we go about getting them in stupid ways, but you can desire whatever you want. And if this is something you’ve thought about a lot, and you want me to—’
‘But if you had a bad experience—’
‘That wasn’t a bad experience. I’ve had lots of those, but this was just a prick in a shared bed who got a five-second feel before I put my elbow into his face. No, I’m happy to try. Two things, though, Cass?’
‘What?’
Daizell’s hand moved, gently stroking his hip. ‘First, if you wake up and you don’t like it, don’t hold it against me? The fact of doing it, I mean.’
‘Of course I wouldn’t. Why would I do that?’
‘Plenty of people prefer not to take responsibility for their mistakes. Just remember I’m not trying to take anything you didn’t want to give? And actually, another thing: if you don’t like it, promise me you’ll say so. Don’t pretend anything’s all right if it’s not, or feel you have to go through with it.’
It was slightly embarrassing to feel quite this known. Cassian said, ‘I promise but – Daize, are you sure you want to do this?’
‘Not at all,’ Daizell said cheerfully. ‘Suppose we find out tomorrow morning?’
Cassian’s chest tightened a little with alarm and anticipation. ‘Really?’
‘If I wake up first, I’m happy to give it a go. If that suits you?’
‘Yes,’ Cassian said. ‘Please.’
