I’m not sure if I slept. I don’t feel like I’ve gotten rest for many days. But the time just isn’t there. When my thoughts returned to me, I was here, standing in my room staring at the steely wall.
Out of everything, what hurts the most is knowing my terrible thoughts are all that will keep me company through the night. The pale moonlight isn’t here to watch over me. The cool winds can’t nurture my body. The men whom I grew to trust no longer exist in this place.
It’s just me.
What did he do? What did my father do while my mind was away?
As if I’m swimming through thick mud, I lift my arm slowly, turning my hand in front of my face. Even without the ability to truly focus on what’s just before my face, I can still make out dark blue bruises that dot all the way down my arm. I lift my other hand. More bruises.
I sigh because it would be too much energy to sob.
Against the smooth blankets, I lie perfectly still, and the small room presses in on me. The steel wall is my focus for so long, I no longer see it. My thoughts are empty. A weight presses against my chest until there isn’t a gasp of hot air for me to breathe.
My eyes close tightly.
So I hold my breath. Heat rushes to my cheeks. The headache thrums inside my skull to the sluggish pace of my heart. I hold my breath even as I know my face is turning colors, even when my lungs start to burn and my body begs for air. Only when I can no longer deny the demand do I take a long, ragged inhale, cursing my mind for not being strong enough to fight.
Why am I like this?
The most powerful woman in the Court of Darkness, and yet I can’t defeat my own terrible mind.
When my eyes open slowly, a blurred figure is staring down on me.
I blink hard, trying to see the darkness more clearly. Little by little, the fuzzy edges of my vision pinpoint and clear until I can make out beautiful, full lips; dark, marring black scars; and icy blue eyes bordered by thick, curling lashes.
He’s here. Right there at the edge of my bed. The image of his body is more than a shadow, less than material, as the candle light dances across the walls of the room. Soft light glows around his silhouette like an angel... like a figment of my imagination.
“Nollix.” A whispered word is all I can speak.
My thoughts are playing tricks on me.
They have to be.
His shaggy hair skims across his forehead as he lowers himself, kneeling on the floor until we’re face to face. His smooth skin is so bronze it shines like the morning sun. He’s more beautiful than I remember.
Not real. Not real. Not real.
Tears sting at the corners of my eyes. I want him to be real.
I study him, trying to memorize every sharp angle of his face. Is this another test sent here by my father? If I interact with him, is it some sort of a trap?
“Fuck.” He pauses, his hand hesitant against my knuckles. “You look like shit.” Ever so slowly, his palm pushes over mine. The touch is so ethereal, nothing more than a tingling sensation like the wind caressing my skin.
Not real. Not real. Not real.
A single broken sob rattles my chest. Pain quickly follows. It hurts. Everything hurts.
“Vi, what did he do to you? Tell me where you are, and I’ll come for you.” His words are a quiet and promising whisper. Another kiss of wind, another soft brush of shivers, as he brushes the hair from my face.
He’ll come for me. What a strange thing to say.
Not real. Not real. Not real.
I squeeze my eyes shut, a tear escaping my eyelashes. This is a trap. This is a mean trick sent to taunt me from my father. He’s trying to break me.
Don’t let him break you.I demand it of myself, and my teeth grind together.
“I don’t need you, Nollix.” My lip trembles, and I clench my jaw tighter as I stare up at his unwavering attention. How can he be so beautiful? I can’t look away from that gaze. His sparkling eyes are like looking at the most dangerous part of the ocean and wanting to dive right in.
