“What the hell, Lam! Why is your hoodie twitching?!”
With a sheepish grin, Lamar peels back his front pocket to reveal a fuzzy little nose poking out like it’s part of the show.
“Look how cute he is,” he says proudly, gently pulling out Meatball and holding him up like some kind of squeaky prize. “Lookie here, little buddy. That could’ve been your mommy.”
Missy snorts and punches him in the shoulder. “You brought arodentto a rock concert?”
“He’s a guinea pig, thank you very much,” Lam replies, mock offended. “And I got him little earmuffs for the sound, but they keep falling off.”
He holds up the world’s tiniest pair of fluffy muffs as Meatball wiggles in his palm, trying to break free.
“Where the hell did you getthat?”
“Etsy,” he deadpans, and I can’t help but notice that the long-time teammates all let out similar chuckles.
Meanwhile, Rafa just stands at the entrance, gawking at all of them like he’s stumbled into some kind of fever dream. Mouth wide open, totally starstruck.
Ev shoots him a look, and mutters, “You’re catching flies,” before shoving Rafa’s jaw shut with a grunt.
My grin is unstoppable. God, I’ve missed this. This ridiculous, amazing group. I kind of bailed on my friends the other night, ditched them without a word, left them standing there with worry in their eyes while I got the fuck out of there.
And I don’t regret it.
Not really.
Because I couldn’t comprehend what had just happened, couldn’t wrap my mind around what had been done to me. The violation didn’t just sit with me, itbrandedme. Left something scorched on my skin and in my chest that I didn’t have the words for.
And I needed out. Out, out,out.
But now, here, leaning into Tyler’s steady side as Lam crawls across the floor after the finally escaped Meatball, I’m starting to feel like me again.
Or at least… a version of me that’s slowly being put back together.
Yesterday, just being with Tyler… laughing with him, holding him,havinghim, letting his unwavering presence ground me in a way nothing else ever could… it started something. Stitched the places together I didn’t even realize had split apart. He didn’t push. Didn’t force. He justwas. And that was all I needed.
We’re not there yet.I’mnot there yet.Ty’snot there yet. But I will be, and I’ll make damn sure he gets there, too. It’s gonna take time. And the beautiful thing is, time is something we’re actually gonna have after all this.
I’m well the fuck aware that the whole deportation bullshit is still hanging over our heads. And yeah, even thinking about it spikes my anxiety like you wouldn’t believe. but I’ve decided to trust my dad. Mostly.
I could never count on him growing up. Still don’t fully get why he showed back up in my life last year, why he helped me deal with my old band’s mess, helped me get this new one off the ground, and then just… stuck around.
He calls,keepscalling. We talk. Yeah, but it’s mostly surface-level stuff. About the band. About the day-to-day grind.
I want to ask more. I want to ask why. But somewhere deep down, I’m scared of the answer. So I’ve been doing what I apparently excel at, ignoring the hell out of it and hoping it’ll just blow over.
I know it’s not healthy. I know I need to deal with it.With him.Sooner rather than later. I’ve told Ty that, too. But ever since Dad reappeared, my life’s been a whirlwind of ups, downs, and more ups. I just haven’t had the headspace to unpack it all. ButI will. I promise myself that. I’ll talk to him. Ineedsome kind of closure before I can truly believe he’s sticking around for real.
And I deserve that.Goddammit, Ideservethat. He’s the only real family I have, and I want to know if we can be that, in one way or the other.
I glance around at my loud, chaotic mess of a found family and feel it settle something in me like a warm hug. Yeah, if everything with my dad fails, I know I have them as well. Tyler chuckles beside me as Lamar lets out a panicked swear when Meatball disappears through the open bunk door, his tiny feet tip-tap-tapping across the floor like he owns the place.
And for the first time in the past eight months, the ache in my chest doesn’t feel like it’s trying to hollow me out. It just feels… full.
Unfortunately, we kind of cut it close since there was a lot of traffic, and the next few hours are a chaos of fittings, makeup, and a quick rehearsal of the mash-up we’re doing with Six of Hearts.SansMick.
He’s nowhere to be found.
Not in the fenced-off parking area where crew members mill around. Not in the dressing rooms. Not even in the wings when we’re about to launch into our set.
