Oh God, I’m going to lose him, anyway. I fuckingcheatedon him. On the love of my life.
No—scratch that. Of my entireexistence.
With shaking fingers, I yank my phone from my jeans and tap his name. My heart jackhammers as it goes straight to voicemail. I try again. And again. And again. And fuckingagain.I grow more desperate with every second that passes, until finally, I smack myself in the forehead, hard.
Shit. Practice.
I check the time.Fuck,he’s right in the middle of it.
My fingers go numb. My chest tightens. The phone slips from my grip into my lap and I just sit there, frozen, heart racing so fast it feels like it’s tearing holes in my ribs.
I can’t breathe.
I can’t fuckingbreathe.
I swear my damn lungs are collapsing in on themselves or something stupid like that, panic bubbling up from somewhere deep and very fucking ugly. The air in the car feels too thick, the silence too loud.What have I done?
Ev doesn’t say much. He just pulls the car into the drop-off lane like it’s any other day, any other flight. Calm. Steady. Unshakable.
But when he parks, he turns to me.
“Come on,” he mutters quietly, and reaches over to tug the hood from my jacket up over my head. Covering me. Shielding me. Like I’m something fragile.
I nod, but I can’t speak. I can’t feel my legs. I just follow him. Out of the car. Toward the terminal. Toward—
I don’t know.
Tyler.
Toward the end of the fucking best thing that has ever happened to me.
Every step feels like walking into a nightmare I can’t wake up from.
And I still can’t fucking breathe.
SEVENTEEN
“Hey,Ty?”Lamarwhispers,leaning over the half-wall divider between the showers like a nosy neighbor. “Turn the fuck around.”
“Wait, what? Why?” I ask over my shoulder while soaping up my chest.
“Your ass is… shining.”
I freeze. “What?”
“Dude,” he hisses, “turn around.”
I comply in an instant and press myself against the cold tiles, my face burning in mortification beneath the spray. Shit. I didn’t shower this morning,gross, I know. But, I was up most of thenight checking in on Jace, worried about him, then overslept and barely made it to class. And now I’m paying the price.
Fuck that stupid purple-glittered Jace-dildo.
Thank fuck we’ve got these shower cubicles. Yeah, they’re open at the front, but at least no one can see my ass now.
Lam snorts. “No worries. I’ll start a distraction while you clean your butt.”
“How the hell are you going to do that?” I hiss through clenched teeth as I take a step forward out of the spray, my voice tightening with panic. “If the guys see this, I’mdone. They’re cool with me being gay, but I think a bedazzled butthole might push the limits of our friendship.” I squint over at him. “And what are you doing over there, anyway? Why the fuck were you checking out my ass?”
He shrugs, totally unbothered, arms folded over the tile ledge between us. “I came over to ask you something, but, I mean—it’ssparkling, Ty. What do you want me to do, ignore it?”
