“That’s not your duck. That’s my duck,” I respond as I try my best not to laugh.
“I don’t care!” Manuel points his finger in my face. “I’m perfectly fine at twenty-nine, thank you very fucking much.”
Bob coughs something that sounds likethirty-nine, but shuts up when he receives the glare of hell.
“Did you use a Discman back in the day? Or that other thing, what’s its name, acassettetape?” I tease Manuel, grinning, feeling lighter than I have all day. “I’ve heard of those mythical things, but never saw one before. Is it true you have to rewind it by pressing a button for a while so it kinda scrolls back? Or that you had to use a pencil to fix it when the tape got loose?”
“I believe he has one in a box upstairs in the attic.” Bob points his empty glass to the house. “You know, in the box with memorabilia from his earlyteens.”
We both laugh as Manuel grumbles something aboutgetting more of those damn high calorie drinksand makes his way inside. His spot is quickly filled by my now freshly showered dad.
I eye the bag of potato chips he’s holding, my stomach rumbling, and of course he’s being a dick about it as he munches on them while giving me a broad grin, his white smile in stark contrast to his deep-tanned skin. Bastard.
Yeah, another part about why my summer sucks. I’m on a rigorous diet that Coach drafted with my trainers, dietitians and physical therapists before the summer break hit. The last months have been a never-ending loop of protein-enriched smoothies, quinoa-filled salads, and mountains of broccoli with chicken and rice. I’ve had dreams about those meals and woke up sweating.
However, I have to keep this up, because in a week, I’ll go back to college for the two-week training camp before the semester starts, and this will be mylastcollegetraining camp. So this has to betheyear, my senior year, my last chance at bringing the trophy home. It’s my last shot to show the world what I can do on that field, and I have to give it my all. Ihaveto make sure I secure a spot in the NFL, to make sure I can fulfillmydream as well.
Yeah, Iwantto be the best that I can be, to hit my peak and stay there. So I know I complain about it—sometimes a bit too much—but I’m committed to this, I want this; Ineedthis.
I need to succeed more than my next breath.
Imightneed it more than I need to see Jace.
So here we are. No beers on the beach with my brothers for me. No burgers on the grill with them either. Unless the burgers are low fat, on a whole wheat bun, and topped with a lot of veggies.
Just like the two on the plate my amazing mom is handing me right now. Manuel fired up the grill to thank us for helping him out, but Mom being Mom, she took over the cooking. Stuff like that happens when you run a diner most of your life.
And thank fuck for that, because this looks amazing, which I tell her.
“Don’t worry about it, honey. At least good food still brings a smile to your face.” She gives me a sad smile like she does constantly since Jace left, and I scoff as I take a quick picture of the delicious smelling food and send it to my boyfriend in question.
Yeah, that’s what we do. We send pictures and videos of every mundane thing that’s happening while we’re apart. Alotof pictures and videos. But I’m all here for it, because it’s the only thing keeping me sane. I now have a whole folder full of pictures of the tour buses he rode on, the crew, all the places and venueshe finds so fascinating. Somehow, a lot of the pics are also of French fries. He’s testing them all over the country.
As of yesterday, Wendy’s is in the lead. I have a picture of Jace with his mouth stuffed full of fries to prove it.
I stare at it, at my phone, my lifeline, the device that makes the missing a bit more bearable when I start to eat.
It was supposed to be three months.
Five have passed now.
What Jace already expected before they left came true; once they got on the road and they showed the world what they could do while opening for one of the biggest rock bands of our time? They got signed by their label, and they prolonged the state-side tour with the band Six of Hearts for an additional four months. With Encore having more playtime. They almost play a full show now, instead of being just the opening act with a couple of songs.
It sold out in record time, faster than the first leg of the tour when they weren’t on board.
I’m so incredibly proud of him. He’s doing amazing; he’s living his dream.
But it sucks as well. It sucks so hard. Itsucksto know that we’ve been apart longer than we’ve been together.
Yes, I saw him once.Once.They came back for two weeks for finals and exams, finishing up the semester, and for Asher, Ava, and Missy, their graduation as well. Jace officially still has one year of college to go, unlike them, but he thought about it long and hard, and dropped out when the label offered them the contract. Under the condition that they paid off his student loans, which they did and then some. A nifty little deal Jace’s dad pulled from the label.
After that, they left for LA to record the songs they already had, to put them on an album, and went straight back on tour for the second leg. They went back on the road so quicklyon purpose: to keep the momentum going while the producers finished up the album, which goes live next week.
I get it, I really do, and I’ll cheer for him as long as he’ll have me, but the missing sometimes becomes too much, too real, too depressing.
Some days here and there in between exams was all we had for nearly half a year.
But I will not complain about it, at least not too much and not to him. This wasmyidea,mychoice. And I still want this. I would rather have this tiny part of him than have nothing at all.
