This is unexpected.
Seeing her name on my phone literally stops me in my tracks. She never calls me unless it’s about Rebecca, so I automatically fear the worst.
My eyes go foggy and I feel dizzy. I go to the front door to take the call as Max pants and wags his tail impatiently, but when I swipe across the screen to answer the phone, it’s not Clodagh’s face staring back at me.
It’s Rebecca herself and she is crying her heart out.
‘Baby! Rebecca, what’s wrong?’ I beg. ‘Where’s Mummy? What’s happened to you?’
I hear Rose come down the stairs in the cottage, so I step outside into the cold, hoping she’ll make herself scarce if she hears I’m on a call. I’ve been out all day hiking with Max in the Glenveagh National Park, taking in the magnificent Poisoned Glen walk. I came back, had a long hot shower and was feeling quite good in myself for the afternoon ahead until this out-of-the-blue call from my daughter has taken the wind from my sails.
‘Daddy!’ she sobs, unable to get anything more out as she catches her breath.
‘Rebecca, tell me!’
‘I – I – Daddy, I just want to go home,’ she says, as tears stream down her beautiful face. ‘Please let me come home, Daddy. I don’t like it here in Tenerife any more. It was just like a holiday, but now I miss you and I want to go h-home to B-Belfast to you and Max and—’
A huge knot forms in my stomach. I feel the blood pump through my veins and I can barely breathe.
‘Rebecca … Rebecca, darling, it’s just a few days until Christmas, so I need you to be very brave,’ I say, even though I’m not feeling very brave either, ‘and know that I’ll come and see you as quickly as I can. You’re doing so well. Where’s Mummy, Rebecca? Can you tell me?’
I pride myself at being very calm in most situations, but my tolerance is tested on a new level when I see my daughter crying on the other end of a phone when in a different country, and there’s very little I can do to help her.
‘Everything is so-so different … I’m scared of it all, Daddy, I don’t know the language even though I’m trying my b-best and it’s scaring me. I want to go home.’
At that I hear Clodagh’s voice in the background coming closer and closer. When she realises Rebecca is on the phone she takes it from her, looks into the camera and paints on a smile as she flicks back her long dark hair.
‘Charlie! Oh, hi!’
‘What’s going on?’
‘Nothing! She’s fine!’ Clodagh says quickly, wearing the same fake smile she always does when she’s trying to brush over something as if it’s no big deal. ‘Everything’s fine. She’s just a bit bored today, that’s all.’
‘Clodagh, she’s not fine,’ I say through gritted teeth. ‘She’s not just bored. She’s in hysterics. Has something happened?’
I need to stay calm.
‘No, nothing has happened. This is typical of you to jump to some far out—’
‘Oh, and it’s not typical of you to have jumped into moving her into a different country only months after meeting someone? I’m concerned for my daughter who has just called me in tears …’
Clodagh is making eyes at me which I know means to keep my voice down.
‘Well … well, we’re all finding it a little bit tough right now,’ she says, shooting signals to let me know Rebecca is still listening. ‘But it’s just because everything is new, isn’t that right, Daddy? It’s just because everything here is new and it’s almost Christmas, so emotions are high. Christmas is different here. Not better, not worse, but different.’
Emotions are high? Of course they’re high. They’ve been high since the day she whisked my child from under my nose like I didn’t have a say in the matter and took her to a different bloody country against my wishes.
But I don’t say any of it as I know my daughter is upset enough without me tearing into her mother.
I need to keep my cool. Think of the child.
‘Yes, it’s all very new, I suppose,’ I say to Clodagh even though I really want to explode. I don’t even want to talk to her. ‘Now, can you put Rebecca back on, please?’
I can feel every pulse point in my body throb. I pace the front pathway.
‘No, I don’t think that would help, Charlie.’
‘Daddy!’
