‘Hang on, don’t most people just change their hairstyle or join a gym?’
‘Or going on a jungle trek? Actually, I’ve always wanted to go to Africa,’ I say, as my mind runs away with itself.‘You know, like on a proper safari adventure! Would you come with me?’
Sinead sits back in her seat and holds her arms out straight with a shrug.
‘Well, I was thinking more of spending a week in the sun by a pool somewhere like Ibiza this year, but why the hell not?’ she says, looking at me as though she thinks I’m just a little bit bonkers but she likes it. ‘Imagine the two of us in camouflage!’
‘Will we book it now? Come on! Let’s go find a travel agent, call work and book in some annual leave and we’ll start making plans!’
I lift the sandwich and take a bite, as Sinead claps like a seal in front of me.
‘You see!’ she says in triumph. ‘Mind over matter and it’s all your own idea! It will give us both something to look forward to! Right, eat up and let’s go and book our jungle holiday, Kate. I knew we could make today a good day if we tried!’
Half an hour later, we are armed with brochures, we have a deposit paid and our holiday leave booked off for the last two weeks in July. We giggle in disbelief as we make our way back home, already planning our next shopping trip and all we’ll need to pack for the adventure.
‘I can’t believe we just booked that on a total whim,’ I say as I pull into my parking space outside our apartment. I’m still talking nineteen to the dozen, recalling the adviceof the travel agent on all the lotions and potions we’ll need, the jabs we’ll have to get as soon as possible, and all the things we have to look forward to like the Virunga Amani tour to see gorillas and Kahuzi-Biéga National Park which we were told is astonishing, when Sinead goes exceptionally quiet. I pull the handbrake, take off my seatbelt and follow her eyeline towards our home, where I see exactly what, or should I say who, it is that has stopped her in her tracks.
‘David?’ I say, scrambling out of the car and running towards the steps where he sits with his head in his hands. ‘David, oh my God, what’s happened? Why are you here?’
He swallows hard, looks up at me and shakes his head.
‘I couldn’t do it and I didn’t know where else to go.’
My heart is in my mouth and all the joy of booking my spur-of-the-moment holiday fades away as I try and work out if this is some sort of dream.
So he didn’t marry her? He came here when he was meant to be celebrating his big day after months and months of planning? He didn’t marry her, and he drove all the way here to be with me? I feel like I’m in some sort of cyclone of emotions – I’m totally overwhelmed with euphoria one second, which plummets to guilt and grief in the next. I blink back shock as I realize that this is indeed very, very real.
I gulp back tears and I can tell from the red rims around David’s blue eyes that he hasn’t slept a lot lately. He looks so exhausted. Sinead slips past, apologizing, and says she’llgive us some space, her face pale with shock just like I’m sure my own is right now.
‘I’m so glad you thought to come here,’ I whisper, not even knowing what it is I’m meant to say. I touch his face. I look into his tired eyes. ‘I’ll always be here for you, David.’
This changes everything. All the pain I’ve felt in the build-up to today is whitewashed now with a huge relief, but at the same time my stomach is sick with a mixture of fear and excitement. Does this mean we might have a chance of being together some day? Could we really risk the wrath of his family and mine to try and make that happen? I put my arm around him and lean my head on his shoulder as we sit there for a moment in silence. As we do so, I can’t help but think of Lesley and how someone is probably doing the same right now with her. Oh, the poor girl. I feel queasy again when I think of what she must be going through.
‘Come on, let’s get you inside and you can tell me all about it,’ I say to David, urging him up from the step. ‘I’m nearly sure I’ve some brandy in the cupboard. I’ll get you a glass of that for a start. It’s good for shock. Maybe I’ll have one too.’
I’m rambling as I link my arm through his and lead him into my home for the first time, my head still racing with the possibility that maybe, just maybe, David’s decision today might have been something to do with me, but I’m not ready to ask him that yet.
‘One step at a time,’ he says as we make our way inside.
I couldn’t have put it any better myself. My heart is bursting with anticipation of what could happen now, but my head is telling me not to get carried away or out of control.
There is much more to David and me ever being together, even with Lesley out of the picture.
There always has been.
DAVID
The brandy burns my throat like liquid fire, easing calm through my veins as I sit here at Kate’s table in her tiny Dublin kitchen. I’ve no idea how I made the two-hour journey south in my car without ending up in a ditch or taking a wrong turn, but I got here, numb and grey with shock, grief and sorrow at what I have just done.
‘I feel so bad but also so relieved,’ I tell Kate, who is sitting beside me, holding another glass of brandy. I can imagine her shock levels are pretty high right now too, having found me waiting for her, when in her head she would have assumed I was going through with my wedding day. I look at the time. We would be dining by now and, in a parallel world, I’d be preparing to make my speech. The thought of it chokes me.
‘You’ve really floored me but I’m so glad you knew you could come here.’
I shake my head.
‘I’m so sorry for all the hurt I caused, Kate, but I just had to see you,’ I tell her. ‘I couldn’t go home to my parents, I was too embarrassed to go to any of my friends who were all looking forward to a good day out, so after I’d done what I had to and contacted our guests to say the wedding was off, I was politely asked to leave by Lesley’s dad. I say politely. He’s an ex-field marshal in the Army so you can imagine how he defines “politely”.’
I laugh at this, but Kate looks serious still.
