‘Thank you, Mr … Andrew. Thank you, Andrew,’ I mumble, and leave, wondering when will be an appropriate moment to jump up and punch the air.
Flabbergasted and feeling as if I could jump over the moon, I find myself sitting in the car in the school car park, reflecting on all the positives that Mr Spence has just highlighted and also reminiscing on how far I’ve come in tenyears from a confused, anxious 21-year-old whose parents were forcing me into a career in law that didn’t appeal at all, to blindly joining the Air Force in a bid to escape my life at home and also to please my father, then finally finding my true vocation by doing my teaching degree at University College London.
Head of science, I repeat to myself, shaking my head in disbelief. I can’t honestly believe it. I took a leap of faith, a shot in the dark, and it worked out in my favour.
I think of Aaron and his crazy motto:Take a chance and buy the lotto ticket, every time.
I picture my good friend in my head, wishing he was a phone call away to celebrate with. God, I miss him so badly. I know he’d be toasting me tonight and using it as an excuse to go down to our favourite bar at home and drink a few pints of his favourite beer. I can feel his hand on my shoulder.
I got the promotion.
The first person who comes to my mind to talk to is Kate, whose nudge of positivity gave me the urge to go for the job. I have to tell her my good news, so I call her without even thinking of the time. She’s probably still on her shift at the hospital but I call anyway and take a chance. She answers in a hurried whisper.
‘I’ve slipped into the loo to answer. Are you OK? What’s up, David?’
‘I got the promotion!’ I tell her. ‘The head of department!’
‘No way!’
‘Yes!’ I say, my voice shaking as I speak to someone about it at last. ‘You are now talking to the new head of science at St Michael’s Comprehensive! Like, what the hell, Kate? What the actual hell?’
I rest my head back on the car seat and try to let this all sink in.
‘I’m totally, totally doing a celebratory dance for you in the staff toilets here in Dublin!’ Kate says, the sound of joy in her voice so tangible, just as I knew it would be. ‘That’s awesome, David! I’m so, so proud of you and I’ll have a celebratory drink for you tonight. Shit, it’s only Tuesday, but I’m sure you’ll celebrate loads at the weekend. What did Lesley say? She must be thrilled to bits, and what great timing when you needed some good news!’
I pause and my eyes widen.
‘I-I haven’t told Lesley yet,’ I say, knowing it sounds as strange as it actually is. ‘For some reason I wanted to tell you first. I never even—’
‘Well, get off the phone quickly and tell her!’ Kate says, in her wonderful accent that always makes me feel like home. ‘I’m so proud of you, David! I have to get back to work, too. Mwah, big congrats to you! You’re an absolute star! Now, go call your fiancée and plan those celebrations!’
I hang up the phone and press the top of it to my forehead. What am I thinking? I should have told Lesley first, shouldn’t I? Kate’s encouraging words inspired me to takethe chance and go for the job, but surely telling Lesley should have come first to my mind.
That used to be the case. There once was a time when she’d be the first person I’d think of when I got news of any sort, so what is happening now?
I search my phone and press Lesley’s number, cursing myself for not thinking of her in the first instance to share my good news and, as I wait for her to answer, I feel a little deflated already because I know deep down I’m on the wrong path with her and I need to get off it before it’s too late.
I’m all consumed with Kate and it’s driving me insane. We need to pull way, way back before it all ends in tears.
FEBRUARY 2009
9.
KATE
Ituck into my boring, effortless dinner of chicken and chips at the kitchen table after my evening shift at the hospital, exhausted but determined to get a hold of my work-life balance again and live in the moment a bit more. I seem to have become more and more internalized, going from working all day or night to waiting on my next call from David.
‘It’s unhealthy,’ I tell myself on repeat, knowing I might be slightly mad by talking to myself out loud. ‘You need to live in the real world.Yourworld. Not David’s. He is getting married soon and you’ve become much too attached, for goodness’ sake.’
I can’t help myself. For the past six months I’ve spent my days wondering what he is doing and my nights dreaming about him. I know he feels the same way too but, as the date of his wedding comes closer, I curse myself for becoming involved with him to this extent.
I know his daily routine inside out. I know that he plays basketball on Monday evenings, that he goes to the gym Tuesdays and Thursdays, Wednesdays are late at school while Friday he has a few drinks with his friends after work. Weekends are for him and Lesley to catch up, if she isn’t away with her own job. I really miss him on those days, yet I know that cracks in his relationship with her are beginning to show.
‘You need to be honest with Lesley about your cold feet about the wedding, but most of all you need to be honest with yourself,’ I told him one Monday when he rang me and seemed so glad to have the weekend over so we could chat again. ‘Are you still arguing a lot?’
He sighed deeply and I could hear the confusion in his voice.
‘A lot,’ he admits to me. ‘It’s like we’re on two totally different paths, or in two different worlds, and I think she knows it too. She is obsessed by weddings, while I just want to run at the mention of it. And so that’s what I do. I go for a run and try to clear my head and pretend it’s not happening.’
