“I had a boyfriend in Chicago.” She fiddled with her phone to give her hands something to do. “He was from the ballroom circuit. Not my partner, but someone I’d known for a while. We dated for a couple years.”
She pressed her lips together, because the next part would give away too much. He gave her ago onkind of look, and with a sigh, she did.
“He moved away, to New York. To ‘make it.’”
Nik sighed. “If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. Or so I’ve heard.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“Is that why you moved to LA?”
“Partly. After he left, there was really nothing for me in Chicago, and I was miserable living at home.”
“Why not New York?”
“By the time I’d saved up enough to move, he wasn’t there anymore. He’d landed a contract with a cruise ship company, and now he lives in Florida.”
“I see.”
And the thing was, he probably did. But not the whole picture. She let out a long breath, then launched into her sad, sorry history. “He wasn’t the only guy who left.”
“No?” He glanced over at her, eyebrow raised.
Something about talking to him while he drove was easier. Maybe because he couldn’t stare her down with those soulful brown eyes that urged her to reveal all her secrets. Now, without their powerful gaze turned on her, it was almost like she was just talking to herself.
“My dad,” she said, then interrupted herself. “Look, I know where my baggage comes from. It’s not like I’m unaware.”
Nik didn’t comment on that. “What about your dad?”
“Nothing major,” she said with a shrug. “We didn’t have a ton of money, and being a competitive dancer isn’t cheap, as I’m sure you know. He and my mom used to fight all the time, and sometimes he’d leave for a while. He always came back, but then they’d go through the cycle all over again. And it…it happened a lot around the holidays. The extra stress of that time of year made their relationship worse, so he’d leave, and then my mom would get depressed and not decorate. That’s the real reason why we didn’t always have a Christmas tree. It was hard to focus on holiday cheer when we were all wondering if this was the time he never came back.”
Nik was quiet for a moment. “Where is he now?”
“At home, with my mom.” At his confused look, she let out a resigned chuckle. “I know. It’s so weird. They’re like best friends now. I guess being parents and being a couple was too much for them at the same time. Now that they can just focus on each other, they’re fine.”
“Jess…that’s not your fault.”
“Oh, I know.” She forced her tone to be light, because shedidknow, intellectually. “But I carry the baggage with me all the same. I tried to leave it behind in Chicago, but would you look at that, it followed me all the way to Los Angeles.”
They drove in silence for a few minutes, long enough for Jess to beat herself up over saying anything in the first place. She opened her mouth to break the silence—a subject change, a bad joke, anything—when Nik reached over and took her hand. He laced their fingers together, rested their joined hands on his thigh, and then turned up the radio volume and began to sing along with a well-known Broadway showtune about friendship.
And just like that, she felt okay again.
What’s more, she felt…freer. Less burdened by memories. Over the last week, it had gotten easier to open up to Nik. He was a good listener, and aside from some light teasing about being a Scrooge, he didn’t judge her. Speaking her pain out loud and having him understand eased some of the pressure she carried in her heart.
And maybe made a little space for him in there, too.
Once they arrived at Big Bear, Jess could see why he’d brought her. There was Christmas shiteverywhere. It was like a freaking Christmas town. And while she giggled over the absurdity of it all, a small part of her was charmed.
Okay, a big part.
Fine,allof her found it charming. But that was probably just because she was with Nik. He loved Christmas so much, it was impossible not to get caught up in his enthusiasm.
All the same, she looked forward to getting to their cabin, where it would be just the two of them, alone.
Tonight was the night. She was going to have sex with Nik Kovalenko.
Just the thought of it sent a thrill of desire coursing through her.
