“You did?” I peek an eye open.
“Yes. But it’s only for babies so...”
“Chloe. I may be sick, but I can still spank you. Come here.” I sit up and pull her over my lap, flipping her little skirt up and swatting her ass. She giggles and makes a weak attempt at getting away. “Let’s move to bed. I’ve missed you so much, darlin’.”
I hook my arms under her body and stand up, but immediately flop back down onto the couch as nausea hits me. With a groan, I lean back, and she slips free from my arms.
She stands in front of me with her hands on her hips. “You’ve not eaten all day, have you?”
“No, not been hungry.”
“Well, now that I’m home you can try some soup, then I’ll give you a bath and we’ll go to bed.”
I manage to give her a charming smirk. “You gonna join me in the tub?”
“Zack,” she says sternly, and I sigh in defeat.
“Fine.”
She ends up spoon feeding me a quarter of the soup. It’s all I can manage before my stomach starts cramping. Thenshe helps me in the bath and puts me to bed. I hold her tight under the covers.
Neither of us are able to get any sleep.
“What’s on your mind?” I ask.
Chloe wriggles in my arms as she finds a comfier position.
“Do you…is this…” She huffs out a breath in irritation.
Is she disappointed in me?
“I’m really trying, darlin’.”
She quickly turns in my arms and presses her palm to my cheek. Her fingers brush over the scar on my ear. “I know you are, baby. And I’m so proud of you. We’ll get through this,” she whispers softly, and snuggles into my chest.
We’ll.
Fuck, that one word sounds good. It gives me hope that I really will get through it.
And I know I will, because I have her.
Three weeks later, I’m able to finally leave the house again. I no longer feel like I have a constant flu. Once my fever broke, Chloe put me on bed rest until I was able to stay awake for longer than a few hours at a time.
I felt like such a mess of a man, a complete waste of space. She should be out living her life, not caring for me every spare moment she has. But I’m too selfish to tell her that. I enjoyed every moment of her taking care of me. Anyway, I know she’s way too stubborn to leave me.
This morning, I left her asleep in bed and went out toget some air and stretch my legs. Not only have I managed to secure myself a job at the docks, which has similar hours to Chloe’s, I also found a used acoustic guitar in the vintage music shop in town.
When I get home, I put it away in the closet. I’m not exactly hiding it from Chloe. I’m just not sure if I’m ready to face that part of myself quite yet. The teenager who didn’t love or care about anything other than himself. The one who just wanted to make something of himself and leave it all behind. Which would have included Kat, if she hadn’t left me first.
I still see her. I don’t think she’ll ever leave me for good. I’m getting used to it now. It’s less of a jump scare when I turn a corner and see her. Sometimes she’s smiling like she just got home from a good day at college; other times she’s screaming for help.
The guilt will never fade, but with Chloe’s help I’m finding it easier to manage. She can tell when I’ve frozen up, and all it takes is her gripping my hand to bring me back to life.
I softly close the closet door and slip into bed with Chloe. She’s only had a couple of hours sleep since her shift ended, and I don’t want to wake her so I don’t cuddle in.
Being careful to be quiet, I pull open the nightstand drawer. My knife is still there. I take it out and twirl the blade in my fingers. It’s a shame I’ve not had chance to use it. There have been plenty of times I’ve wanted to. Like when some old pervert eyes Chloe up at the diner or a stranger smiles a little too nicely at her in the street. I’ve had more than a few fantasies of fucking her drenched in blood again. Maybe one day it’ll happen again. I don’t want to burst her happy little bubble just yet.
Now that I’m feeling more like myself, I’ve been able tothink a lot more clearly. The old me would have slaughtered the entire town and dragged her away. But she’s happy here, and if this is enough for her then it’s enough for me.
