For her.
I’ll do anything for her. I’d tear my lungs out if it meant she got to take another breath. Stop my own heart if it meant hers got to beat. My life is hers for as long as she needs it.
“Come on!”
I press down on her chest. My fingers are so numb, I can’t tell if her heart’s beating or not.
“You don’t get to take her from me!” I shout to the heavens. “I stole her from you, and now she’s mine! You fucking hear me? Mine!”
Water bubbles out of her mouth, and I hurry to roll her onto her side.
“That’s it, Chloe darlin’, get it all up,”
She coughs up the fluid from her lungs, and her eyes start to open.
“I’ve got you. I’ve got you,” I tell her as I pull her to my chest and rock her gently.
She blinks up at me, disorientated and barely awake.
“Zack?”
“Yes, darlin’, it’s me. You’re safe.”
Fire suddenly blazes in her eyes, and she shoves me away only to pull me straight back to her. “You asshole! If you ever do something like that again, I’ll kill you myself.”
I smile harder than I ever have in my life and hold her close, kissing the top of her head. She trembles against me and I squeeze her tighter. After a few minutes, her tremors lessen and she pulls away.
“Did you seriously think I’d let you kill yourself? If you haven’t noticed, I’m selfish as well, and I refuse to let you go, Zack.” Her throat is hoarse from choking, and I try to get her to slow down, but she refuses. “You tell me I’m strong, well, that means I’m strong enough to make my own decisions, and keeping you alive is one of them. I’m going to spend every second of our lives showing you what it means to be loved.” Her eyes are red with tears. The guilt in my chest feels the same as it did the day I read Kat’s letter.
I was so wrong abouteverything.
Chloe sobs, and her body shakes harder from the cold. Shit, I need to get her warm and back to the car. We have to get out of here. I refuse to lose her over something as trivial as getting arrested or hypothermia. Not after everything we’ve been through.
Taking my jacket off, I wrap it around her shoulders. She clutches at it as I help her to her feet. When I try to pick her up to carry her up the riverbank, she shoves me away.
“Chloe,” I coax her softly. “I need to get you out of here.”
“So you can try and abandon me again?” she snaps. “I don’t have anyone left either. I have nothing to my name. This shirt you gave me off your back is the only thing I own.” Tugging at the sodden material clinging to her skin, she sobs harder.
Chloe could have died, and I’ve not taken into consideration how she must be feeling. I can’t stop being selfish around her. She makes me crazy and barely able to form a cohesive thought.
My head’s still ringing from the gun going off so close to me, and I press my palm to the gash on the top of my ear. It comes away covered in blood. Chloe’s wracked with another loud sob as she sees it.
“I’m okay. Everything’s okay,” I tell her.
“You can’t just leave me. Tell me you’re mine, Zack. Tell me you’re not going anywhere. Not without me. If you die then we’re dying together, and I don’t want to go just yet so you’re going to have to suck it up and keep living. For me.”
I’m stunned into silence. No one’s ever wanted me.
I lost my mother’s love when she died. My father hates me for existing. And even when my sister was alive, I pushed her away by wanting to be my own person and not her twin. So she left me as well.
Something in me splits, and I struggle to hold onto the pieces as they start to float away.
The ringing in my head overwhelms me as it drowns out everything else.
No one wants me.
My mind starts playing tricks on me, telling me that this isn’t real. I’m sinking deep under the river’s surface, and this is the last thing my mind has conjured up to torture me.
