I never confessed to how far I got from the convent. Instead, I lied and pretended I got lost in the woods. Father Daniels didn’t seem to care for the reason as to what I was doing out there. He relished in the fact that he had something to punish me so severely for.
Rebekah had told him and Father Stone exactly how long I’d been sneaking out for. They discussed my punishment as if I wasn’t stood right in front of them. Eventually,they settled on Father Daniels being the one to dole it out privately in his chambers. He hurt me for each instance that I snuck out.
He flogged me, used every hole without any preparation, he held himself down my throat until I almost passed out. Over and over again.
For twenty-seven nights, I endured our private sessions. Even on the nights I was chosen at the selection, he would carry me back to his room after and continue to try and break me.
I don’t know how I survived or why I still refused to fully give in.
After that, I never returned to the water.
I follow the sound of it until I finally find it again. Chances are the convent isn’t anywhere near this section of it. But it’s like I can feel it staring back at me through the dense trees on the other side.
If I return before morning, I could pretend I never left. I’d get to live, but then I’d be subjected to that abuse forever. That’s not living.
I’m stuck. Lost. Where the hell do I go from here?
I untangle the rosary from around my neck and squeeze it tight in my palm. The tiny beads dig into my skin.
“What am I supposed to do?”
My faith flickers on and off in my heart like a bulb about to die out. I try to capture a piece of that light before it’s gone for good.
“Please give me another sign.”
Something stirs behind me.
He’s found me.
Chapter 9
Chloe
FOUR HOURS AGO
“Sister Rivera. You skipped evening prayers.”
I startle and drop my cigarette as Father Daniels approaches me from behind. Hoping he didn’t notice, I quickly stamp it out under my shoe, and blow the smoke away.
Like the snake I know he is, he moves in close, not giving me time to react. “And you’re smoking again. Who gave you them this time?” Pinching my chin, he roughly moves my lips around with his thumb. My skin crawls with disgust. “I’ve told the others to stop handing them out. I hate the taste of them.”
The others he’s talking about are the other priests here at the convent. They all like to be addressed as Father. Most of them take what they want and leave. But a few reward us afterward with treats that we’d never get otherwise like chocolate or cigarettes. Giving us new vices in hopes we’ll come crawling to them willingly, begging for more.
Batting his hand away, I put some space between us until the rough bark of a tree brushes my fingertips.
Father Daniels is one of the younger Fathers here, cocky and full of himself thanks to his good looks. He’s tall with wavy blond hair, and a defined jawline that has the more brainwashed girls swooning behind closed doors. They’d never dare do something so shameful in front of the Fathers.
“I don’t know why they made you a sister so soon. My vote was to train you for far longer. Really beat the disobedience out of you. Seems you’ve got the rest of the clergy wrapped around your little finger. Or should I say your little cunt?”
“Shouldn’t you be inside with the rest of them?” Ignoring his disgusting insinuations, I nod in the direction of the chapel where some poor girl will be receiving her training right now.
“I wasn’t in the mood for sharing.”
Nausea swirls in my stomach. I came out here to the edge of the woods in hopes of avoiding ending up in the chapel and having to be pushed and pulled between the men that reside here. But, of course, Father Daniels followed me. Ever since my mom abandoned me to this place, he’s kept a close watch over me.
“I should get back to my room.” Keeping my eyes cast downward, I step around him, but he grabs my arm and holds me in place.
“Did I say you could leave?” His tone is uncomfortably soft. “I’m very disappointed in you, Chloe. I thought we were making such good progress in your submission to God.”
