I sit up. "Can you be serious for a minute?"
"Sorry. What's on your mind?" he says, snapping out of sex-crazed mode.
"We need to talk."
Court stares at the empty black TV screen and frowns. "Inspired byJerry Maguire?"
"Actually, a little. Yeah."
When the old-school romcom came up as a recommendation as we were scrolling through movie options, I never expected it would affect me the way it did. But there were several scenes where being brave enough to have an honest conversation came up. It wasn't lost on me that's something Court and I might be slightly terrible at.
"What would you like to talk about?" he asks.
So. Many. Things.
Like how good it feels having him back here.
How much I never want him to leave.
How I'm never going to find anyone that satisfies me the way he does on every level—emotional, intellectual, and sexual.
But the specific elephant I have in mind for this conversation is: "Your mom's offer."
"Oh."
"Have you been thinking about it?"
"Of course I have. It's impossible not to."
"And where are you at with it?"
He takes a long breath and stretches his legs out, resting his socked feet on the coffee table. "Honestly?"
I nod. "Honestly."
"I think we should seriously consider it."
Every muscle in my face goes rigid. I wasnotexpecting him to say that at all. "Really?"
"Yeah. I mean, it's a lot, and there are so many factors to consider."
"Like what?"
"For starters, the matter of your father. On the one hand, I have to respect Mom's decision, but on the other, I strongly disagree with it and think your dad deserves to know. What he does once he finds out is up to him, but he should be informed."
"I think so, too. And so does Howie."
"What does he think about the whole thing?"
I feel my cheeks burning. The conversation he and I had about this was severely entwined with him seeming to think Court's in love with me.
Wishful thinking at best. Dangerous thinking at worst.
Court doesn't love me in that way because if he did, surely he'd have told me by now. And I can't keep holding out hope that he is in love with me because I should be focusing on all my own needy shit I need to work on before I can entertain being in a relationship withanyone.
"Howie thinks it's pretty messed up."
"That's a nice way of putting it."
