I smile. "Thank you." Maybe I'm being silly, but Court is so in tune with me, he offers exactly the kind of ridiculous assurance I need right now. "All right." I take a deep breath and crack the door open. "Let's do this."
47
Courtland
"Dinner's great," Buzz says, his deep voice filling the silence.
I've lost count of how many awkward silences there have been tonight. When it's just me and Mom, I've come to accept it as our norm.
But my main concern is making sure Buzz is doing okay. I wish we had more time to talk when we pulled up because I could see he was struggling, so I'm sticking to my word and making sure I am as physically close to him as possible at all times.
There's got to be a reason why Mom invited him to tag along with me tonight. But Mom being Mom, she still hasn't gotten to it.
"Thank you, Brock."
My eyes flash to him.
The first time she did it, he told her to call him Buzz. The second time she did it, I quickly changed the subject and peppered her with a bunch of pregnancy questions.
This time, I'm not having it.
If someone gently corrects you with the name they go by, take the fucking hint already and call them by that name.
"It's Buzz, Mom," I point out, glaring at her.
She looks from me to him. "People still call you that?"
"Uh, yeah. I actually like it," he says, smiling shyly.
"But you used to hate it as a kid."
Buzz turns his head to me, confused as heck. "I did?"
"Don't you remember? You used to get so upset that your classmates called you Buzz. You said that stupid movie ruined your life and you liked the name Brock so much more than Buzz. It was very dramatic."
"I… I don't remember that," Buzz says, and to be honest, neither do I.
Maybe it's a memory we've both suppressed?
"Your mom would bring it up all the time."
His eyes widen, and she quickly looks away, realizing she shouldn’t have brought up his mother.
I get the weird dynamic between them because I've felt just as awkward the few times I've seen Buzz's dad. On the one hand, he's a grown man and is free to live his life—mistakes and all—however he likes. On the other hand, I'm collateral damage of one of his biggest mistakes.
Does he owe me anything? An explanation? Contrition? An apology?
I have no idea.
It's not like there's a manual of life I can look in to get the answers.
"I'm sorry," Mom says, regret flickering across her face. "I'll try to remember to call you Buzz from now on."
"It's all good," Buzz says, smiling way too big. A clear sign he's uncomfortable.
Dinner was ready when we arrived, so we came in and started eating right away. I suspect Mom wants to eat first and talk afterward, but given how things are going, I think it'd be better to talkwhilewe have dinner so Buzz and I can make a hasty departure once we're done.
"So, Mom, is there anything you want to talk about?"
