Nelson quirked his head. “So, you’re afraid of wrecking the band. Let me ask you this, now. What is going to be the fundamental differences between Now Austin and Future Gay Austin?”
“Differences?” I asked.
“Yeah. What is going to make the two versions of you different? Gonna start farting glitter? Walking around with your dick flopping out? Indiscriminately grabbing any male you can find and sticking your tongue down their throat?”
My lip turned up. “No. PDAs like that are just gross no matter who it is.”
“So, what’s going to be different?”
I stared at him. “Is there an answer?”
“There is.” He nodded.
The quiet night stretched a few minutes while I thought about what he said. I had known I was gay since I was sixteen. I never told my mother. I couldn’t—she spent three years dying from ovarian cancer and the fact that I liked guys wasn’t really high on the list ofthings to tell Mom.
I was twenty and famous by the time I told my dad. He wasn’t shocked. It didn’t affect our relationship at all, though I always thought that he was a little disappointed that I had pretended to date Poppy.
Aubrey had seemed to hate it, but kept the secret. She also wound up not caring in the end, either. The guys knew, they didn’t care. Robot Servant knew, and they didn’t care. The Gaggle had welcomed me as one of their own. Me, and Nelson.
I wasn’t ashamed of being gay. I was afraid of being out. Staring at the street below, I realized I’d had the answer earlier, and didn’t know it.
“Nothing. Nothing will change. I’ll still be Austin Lowell living in a sea of nearly two million people. But instead of being afraid one of those people will judge me, I’ll have thousands who support me.”
Standing up straight, I glanced over at Nelson. “There is one thing that will change. My happiness. I’ll be able to just be and be happy with who I am.”
Nodding, he held up his beer and I clinked my bottle on his.
“You got it. Happiness. I’m tired of pussyfooting around the fact that I’m gay. I’ve known I was gay since I was twelve. Guys do it for me, and Jace is someone I really want to explore a relationship with. I’m not going to be discreet anymore. I’m not making an announcement, but it’s going to be obvious that I’m into guys if you’re paying attention. My—our happiness is worth any judgment some small-minded bigot can pass on us.”
Smirking, he canted his head. “I know you don’t know Jace well, but…you think he’d like to go to the Oscars with me?”
“Who wouldn’t!” I laughed.
“He’ll look so good in a tux. Maybe a de la Renta?”
“Armani. Double breasted.” I laughed. “Or let Uriah make him one. That would make them both happy.”
“And does Uriah’s happiness concern you?”
I laughed. “Oh yeah. It does.” I took a deep guzzle of the beer. “So. Who should we give the interview too?”
Nelson laughed. “I have a really good friend who’s up and coming at Rolling Stone. She’dlurvea scoop like this. She’d love an interview with all of you. Just, make sure you’re doing it for all right reasons.”
“Role model, lifeline, happiness,” I said. “That I get to be happy in public with Uriah is just bonus.”
“I’ll have her people call your people,” Nelson said.
* * *
“Good evening,you’ve reached the Particle Meister, how may I assist your atoms?”
I burst out laughing. “Oh my God, August, please tell me you don’t really answer the phone like that?”
“Austin? Bro? What are you doing calling the Kelvin line?”
“Is everything you do related to physics?”
“I’m a physics genius, so yeah. What are you doing calling me? Is something wrong?”
