Turning, I slammed Uriah against the wall and kissed him, hard. I threaded my fingers through his hair and held him so I could own his mouth, taste him, possess him. Trailing desperate kisses down his jaw, I reached his ear, and whispered to him, “I miss the fucking hell out of you.”
Nipping at the base of his ear, I pulled back. “But I get it. I do. I’m just not there yet.”
It took him a moment to catch his breath. “I can’t hide with you, but Austin…I’ll wait for you.”
Shaking my head, I stepped back. “I can’t ask you to do that, Uriah. That’s not fair to either of us. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready, and you can’t know that either.”
God, how I wanted him to wait. I wished I was braver than I was. I wished I knew what would happen if I admitted I was gay. Just so many things that scared me about taking that step out into the light.
He swallowed and nodded. “I’ll be here if you need me. And don’t let this,” he wagged his finger between us, “stop you from being friends with all these men.”
“Luis already gave me that speech,” I said.
“Good. I’m going to go find a beer and a place to sit.” He backed up slowly, and finally turned to walk back to the living room.
I shut the door and sank down on to the toilet lid. I covered my face and wept.
* * *
Chase’s phonerang as he was trying to pull the Jenga block out and the whole thing collapsed on him.
Jeers and cheers followed the collapse as he picked up the phone from the end table. “Hello.” He stopped and looked surprised. “They are? Well…has anyone called to complain? Oh. Yeah. I’ll see what we can do. Thanks, Danny.” He ended the call, and looked at Maddox. “The Throng is still there.”
“Really?” Maddox asked. “That’s odd. They usually give up.”
“Neighbor two floors down is complaining and threatening to call the board if they aren’t dispersed. Danny doesn’t want to call the police if he doesn’t have to.”
I glanced at Maddox, who shrugged back at me. “Think they’ll leave if we go down there?”
“No harm in trying,” he said.
“I’ll go too,” Nelson said.
“Anyone else?” Maddox asked.
“Give them who they want,” Holland said, waving us off. “I’m way too comfortable and drunk to care.”
Everyone else seemed to agree with them, so it was just me, Maddox, and Nelson. Chase tossed Maddox a key so we could get back in.
My heart jumped into my gullet. I had been in the music industry for eight years. I’d met a lot of people, but we—Up Down Left Right—had always found ourselves too busy to make friends. Here I was walking out the door of a mini penthouse with two other super famous people who were actuallyfriends.
And we were going downstairs to sign autographs.
“Surreal.” Maddox stepped into the elevator and looked at the two of us.
Nelson laughed. “Surreal is thinking that you two think I’m the superstar here, and you’re just in as much awe of me as I am of you.”
“Surreal is thinking about how I’m in a fucking elevator with Maddox Jones and Nelson Powers to face a throng that followed one of us here,” I said, “for us to scribble our names on a scrap of paper they might have found in the local trash.”
“Starbucks napkin,” Maddox said.
“Toilet paper,” Nelson offered.
“TicTac box.”
They both looked at me and I shrugged. “Yes. I signed a TicTac box. Her mother didn’t want me to mess up the album cover. There are weird people out there.” I glanced at Nelson. “Single or two-ply.”
He laughed. “I don’t sign anything less than Charmin.”
