“I’m ashamed of the other night,” I told her again, pressing my mouth to the top of her head. “Not because I didn’t mean it. Because I let it make a liar out of the future I promised you.”
“What future?”
“The one where you don’t have to be afraid of what the city turns me into,” I said. “The one where I give you the man before I pick up the monster.”
The future where I control the crow, not the crow controls me.
“You’ve always given me the man,”
I shook my head. “Not always. But I will.”
She tipped back enough to look at me. “How?”
“By letting you see me first,” I said. “By telling you when I’m fraying instead of making you feel it. By eating the food I make instead of pretending I don’t need any. By remembering I don’t have to carry the entire city to keep you safe.”
She smiled, small and adorable. And fuck, I had missed it.
“Good girl,” I traced her lip with my thumb. “There she is.”
I set her on a stool and plated dinner like a man who finally remembered the point of food. When I set it in front of her, she took one bite and made the sound that has broken me since we were teenagers at the academy. I leaned on the counter.
We ate in silence. When she finished, I kissed the corner of her mouth.
“Come to bed,” she said.
My body saidfinally. My ribs saidcareful. My head saidthank God. But I kept my eyes on hers and made sure the only answer that mattered got there first.
“Okay, baby,”
She slid her hand into mine. I turned off the lights. I led her down the hall.
I undressed her slowly, with kisses as checkpoints. Because undressing her was sacred.
When I laid her down, I stayed above her, my hands by her shoulders.
“Tell me you hear me,” I whispered.
“I hear you.”
“Tell me you’re safe.”
“I’m safe.”
“Tell me I’m yours.”
“You’re mine,” she smiled.
I lowered my head and kissed her, worship first, always worship.
Now I was going to take her slow.
And when she finally fell asleep with her face tucked against my throat, I stayed awake. Listening to my favourite sound.
Everyone else gets the monster.
She gets me.
Chapter Forty-Six
