“Wait,” Asher said, catching him by the arm when he started past him. “Before you do that, is there somewhere we can talk first?”
Cameron couldn’t think of any situation where that particular phrase ended well. “Yeah, okay.” It wasn’t like he could just refuse to have the conversation. “This way. Follow me.”
He led Asher down the short hallway to the staircase just past the coat closet. Neither of them said a word as they climbed the steps, but Cameron’s mind raced with possibilities. Was this it? Was Asher breaking up with him? He mentally shook his head. No, Asher wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t drive all the way to Mission Grove just to end things with him in front of his entire family on Thanksgiving.
Pausing in front of the last door on the right at the end of the corridor, he took a deep breath before pushing it open and stepping across the threshold. “So, this used to be my bedroom.”
It hadn’t changed much since high school. The walls were now bare of the band posters and award certificates, but the terrible oil paintings he’d done his sophomore year were still there. His old desk with the bottom drawer that stuck still sat in front of the window. Same bed. Same dresser. Even the comforter that covered the twin mattress was the same. The edges had started to fray from repeated washes, and the once vibrant blue was now a dull periwinkle, but it was still one of his favorites.
Framed pictures lined the bookshelf in the corner, each one representing some of his best memories. There was one of him and Nico after they’d won the pumpkin carving contest for the first time. One of him and Natalie the year they’d dressed as Tinkerbell and Captain Hook for Halloween. He’d been fifteen then, and while it had taken Natalie almost an entire month to talk him into it, he thought he’d made a pretty damn good Tinkerbell.
There were photos of his parents from their big anniversary party. A group photo of him, Nico, Derek, and Tyler at their high school graduation. Even Tyler’s baby brother, Riley, had a place on the shelf, smiling brightly into the camera as he showed off his first prize ribbon from the junior high science fair.
Glancing over his shoulder at Asher, he thought back to the big house on the hill and felt his lips turn down at the corners. Asher had hung expensive paintings of famous authors in his library. There were old movie posters on the walls in the theater rooms. The fireplace mantles were lined with all manner of trinkets, but there wasn’t a single photograph in the entire house.
It just seemed so…lonely.
Shaking off his melancholy, he pointed to the small mattress. “Do you want to sit?”
Asher nodded, following him to the bed and easing down on the edge of it beside him. He still didn’t say anything.
“What did you want to talk about?”
He was trying to be calm and patient, to let Asher get around to whatever he had to say in his own time, but he was about to vibrate out of his damn skin with anxiety. So, when several seconds passed, and Asher still hadn’t answered, he completely lost his grip oncalm.
“You’re kind of freaking me out here. So, if you could just spit it out, that would be great.”
There wasn’t much humor in Asher’s laugh, and he stared down at his knees instead of meeting Cameron’s gaze when he finally spoke. “That seems to be a running theme in our relationship, doesn’t it? Me putting you through hell.”
“What? No.” He took Asher’s right hand and held it tightly between both of his own. “That’s not what I meant.”
“But it’s the truth.” Asher’s stare shifted to their joined hands as his lips curved into a sad smile. “I really am sorry for that. You deserve a lot better than what I’ve given you.”
Cameron swallowed so hard it made him wince. “Asher—”
“I’m sorry,” Asher repeated, speaking over Cameron’s quiet protest. “I’m sorry because I know I don’t deserve you, but I’m too selfish to let you go. I’m not good at this.” He made a vague gesture with his free hand, waving it back and forth between them, and sighed. “I’ve never really wanted to be good at it.” Finally, he lifted his head, revealing eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “Then, I met you, and everything changed.”
An invisible band squeezed around Cameron’s chest, making it difficult to draw air into his lungs. Somehow, he managed to force words past his trembling lips. “For what it’s worth, you’re a lot better at this whole relationship thing than you think.”
Asher’s smile stretched a little wider, but his eyes still held so much pain and uncertainty. “You make me want to be better.” Reaching out, he cupped Cameron’s cheek with the same care one might show a priceless diamond. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like I don’t need you. I alwaysneed you, Cameron. I’m just not very good at asking for help.”
Cameron appreciated how much courage it took to admit those things, but he couldn’t let him accept all the blame. “I’m sorry, too. I was hurt and afraid, and I just wanted to fix everything.” He gave Asher a crooked grin. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m a little bit of a control freak.”
Asher chuffed out a surprised laugh. “You don’t say.”
“I overreacted.” It was that simple, and he was ashamed that it had taken Nico pointing it out to make him see it. “Instead of giving you a minute to catch your breath, I made it all about me and my need for control.” Closing his eyes, he nuzzled into Asher’s palm. “We’re a mess, aren’t we?”
There was no answer, no quiet chuckle that he’d expected. When the silence stretched on for what felt like an eternity, Cameron opened his eyes and tilted his head up to see Asher’s expression. He didn’t look angry, or even sad anymore. He looked thoughtful…and maybe a little anxious.
“Asher, what—”
Asher’s mouth crashed down on his in a searing kiss that made his head spin and his heart ache. It was over as abruptly as it had begun, but it was no less intense because of the brevity. Asher’s refusal to look at him again, however, was sending a lot of mixed signals.
“What’s wrong?” Cameron caught him by the chin and forced his head back around until their eyes locked. “Talk to me. Please.”
“I won’t. I can’t.”
Cameron frowned, feeling like he was missing something that should have been obvious. “What can’t you do?”
