Lola checks her watch. “It’ll be dinnertime soon. I’ve got lots to prepare, and you, young man, need a shower before bed or you’ll have a mattress full of sand.”
I stroke Leo’s soft curls and watch his long lashes blink slowly as he thinks. “Time to go home, little guy. Could you give Dae-Dae something to eat for me?”
Slowly, he lifts his head and frowns. “Aren’t you coming with us?”
I look over at Lola to find her eyebrows raised too. “You didn’t eat much earlier, India.” She reminds me, being the ever-vigilant mother figure in this dynamic.
“I ate loads!” My smile doesn’t portray how I'm really feeling inside—coiled tight and frustrated.
When Leo rises to his bare feet, I help him slide his sandy toes into a pair of green Crocs. “That spicy rice you packed for the picnic was the best I’ve ever had, Lola. I ate a mountain of it.” In reality, it was four spoonfuls and then my stomach cramped. “Save me some dinner and I’ll heat it up when I get in.”
She narrows her eyes at me. “You shouldn’t be out here alone when it gets dark.”
“Don’t worry about me. This entire shoreline is out of bounds to the public, and I’ve no doubt the boundary is protected by landmines.” A slight smile twitches her lips, and she nods in agreement. She knows the score even if I’m half-joking about the explosives. “Besides, it's just me and a bunch of rowdy seagulls.”
I stuff my feet into a pair of ankle socks, shove my sneakers back on, and knot the laces. Standing, I dust off my leggings, scrape my hair into a ponytail, and pull one of Giovanni’s plain black hoodies over my head, instantly feeling him around me.
“I want to go for a jog along the beach. I'll be home soon.”
Truth is, I need a change of scenery. Since Giovanni had given me the satellite phone, I’m constantly waiting for him to message me. It’s like I’ve lost touch with reality and all I do is sit around waiting for him.
Despite my restlessness, I’d wait for him forever. In the meantime, I’ve resisted sending him multiple messages, but my soul needs something more than Blackwater Manor.
“Can I come too?” Leo stares up at me, his pleading brown eyes giving away how tired he is.
“How about you come with me next time?” I wink, bend into him, and kiss his swarthy forehead. “I need you to look after Daenis for me while Lola gets dinner ready. Oh, and make sure she gets lots of fresh water, too.”
“O-okay.” He swallows and fidgets with his hoodie zipper. “You’ll come home, won’t you?”
My heart pinches. “Of course, I will.” I ruffle his hair. “Save me some marshmallows, buddy?”
He throws his small arms around my hips, and I hug him back, ten times tighter. Reluctantly, he takes Lola’s hand a minute later. Glancing over his shoulder as they plow through the sand together, heading back along the beach towards Blackwater with Daenis bounding after them.
I stand like a statue, waiting for their bodies to turn into tiny dots as they move further away from me, feeling my lungs squeeze.
Taking a deep breath to settle myself, I trudge to the water's edge. I gaze out at the sea swell, aware of a light salty spray spritzing my face. I take another look at the distant turrets nestled in the trees, to the only place that feels like home these days. Where Leo would be waiting for me to read him a story under the duvet.
I’ve never had anyone depend on me the way he does. Lola feeds him, washes his clothes, and arranges his daily activities, but he comes to me for emotional comfort. As if I could fill a bit of the void that Giovanni had left behind. Little does Leo realize—he’s been my motivation to stay positive in his father’s absence too.
The weight of the phone in my hoodie pocket bumps into my belly when I break into a jog. Only freedom doesn’t feel as good as it should, and the loneliness I’ve suffered creeps through me like an ever-present shadow.
My light jog quickly turns into a punishing sprint. I’m driven to feel something other than helplessness. Whatever Giovanni is up to, he thinks he’s better off doing it alone. That I’m too fragile, or perhaps I’m simply a distraction he doesn't need to invest too much time in.
Despite my upset, I was raised as a rose among an army of thorns and taught to be a courageous female who could handle a lethal weapon. I might appear to the world as a sweet girlie girl, but I’m just as much a part of the Souza cartel despite being a woman.
Deep down, I’m a warrior too and want the chance to prove it.
So, the fact I was useless at Blanco’s warehouse sticks in my throat, even days after. It’s embarrassing. I had the chance to make Reno proud of me—and Giovanni, too. To show him I had become a woman he’d consider an equal, not just a teenager.
The wind howls past my ears and my breathing becomes strained the harder I push myself.
Focusing on the shoreline ahead, I run farther than I’ve ever gone before. I’m sandwiched between the chaotic sea surf and a sky-scraping rock face. A measureless stretch of ocean. It makes me feel shipwrecked. The expansive crag so elevated, I’d need climbing gear, ropes, and a day to reach the top of it.
My lungs are tight, the exertion taking its toll on me, because I haven’t done intensive exercise in so long. Gradually, my pace slows until every step is an effort and I’m sucking in damp air.
Sweat has gathered in my hairline and trickles from my nape, right between my shoulder blades. I pull off the hoodie to cool down, leaving me in a plum racerback yoga bra, and shiver when the breeze prickles my hot skin.
Angling my head towards the base of the cliff, something catches my eye. A towering slit in the rock like a devastating crack caused by an earthquake. Wait, did I see a flicker of light coming from inside? I pause and hold my breath, narrowing my eyes to focus on the dark hole, making sure my mind isn’t playing tricks on me. The change of light so slight I could easily have missed it had I not stopped.
