“I’ve always been yours, Joe, even when I didn’t believe that you’d ever be mine. I love you, and I’m going to be here during the messy, ugly parts as well as the beautiful ones.”
“I don’t deserve you, Tobi Star, but don’t ever leave me.”
I leaned in for a kiss, his lips soft, salty, and warm in the night. “I couldn’t if I tried. I love you.”
“I love you too. I think Daddy knew a lot about life that he never told me. Why do you think that is?”
“He could have told you, but would you have listened? Experience is a better teacher.”
He nodded, his teeth grasping his lower lip. “Experience is a better teacher.” He made the mind-blown sign with his hands. “Then my experience is telling me that he taught me everything I need to know to be successful in this life, and he left the rest up to you.”
“To me?” I asked with confusion.
“Daddy Nash knew your experiences in life were unique. They taught you how to love hard even when it hurt, so that’s what I’m going to do.”
“My experience says that with enough love, it will start to hurt less, and hope will find you again.”
“As long as I have you in my life, there’s always hope, sweetheart.”
I reached behind me and shut the lamp off, then pulled him down onto the pillows with me. I caressed his face, his eyes heavy with fatigue and emotion. “You made him happy tonight, Joe. If you remember nothing else about losing him, remember the respect and honor you gave him tonight by opening your heart to love.”
He scooted closer and gripped my face, his eyes filling with a different emotion now. Desire. “I want your love wrapped around me, Tobi. That’s how I keep my heart open to love.”
His lips attacked mine, and the sounds of our love filled the silent night.
Chapter Fourteen
Since last Christmas, my life has done a one-eighty, and I was never happier. For the first time since I was eighteen, there was hope inside me. Some of that hope filled me every morning when I did something as simple as putting on my shoes. They were comfortable, and I could get more done with no pain, which was far better than a month ago when I couldn’t do anything without pain. Beau had changed my life because he sees life differently than most. I would remember this Christmas as the year I walked normally for the first time. At twenty-seven, that brought tears to my eyes every time I thought about it.
Some of the hope came in the form of confirmation from students and their parents that they’d be here in January to Heavenly Lane’s Breakin’ Barriers Ranch. The name was a tip of the hat to Heaven and her days as a rodeo barrel rider. Back then, breaking a barrier was a bad thing, but here, breaking barriers is why we exist. I had so much hope in my soul for the good we could do in our communities with our horses.
Most of the hope inside me came from the man who had taken my broken heart and pieced it back together. He’d shown me that I wasn’t too damaged to be loved. I was loved because of that damage, but slowly, he was helping me leave the past where it belonged and look to the future. His kisses told me he was my future, and I think Cody would want it that way. He’d want me to find hope in the world again.
I joined the class-action lawsuit against the manufacturer of the harness. It has been a lot of years, but since the case was still ongoing and no judgment had been made yet, I was able to add Cody’s name to the list of people who died because of their carelessness. The settlement is expected to be near ten grand per family, and while that will never replace Cody, I will use it to do good in his name. When the money arrives, I’ll work with the local group that provides adaptable equipment for hunters with disabilities. Cody would like the money to do good, and getting more people out to enjoy the sport safely would make him the happiest of all.
Tonight, though, I would put all of that aside and make the Wellspring Community Christmas Dance one to remember. Joe has been calmer since we’d spread Daddy Nash’s ashes at the pasture. He’s more relaxed, smiles more, and sleeps better. He would be here tonight, and I promised him a dance, something I might be able to do with the new feet I got for Christmas. I chuckled to myself as I climbed the stairs to Dawn’s house. Not many people could say that, I suppose.
I pushed the door open and stepped inside, the kitchen abuzz with activity. “I’m here,” I said, shutting the door behind me. “Everything is ready for the sleigh rides after the ceremony!”
Heaven squealed and ran to me, hugging me carefully, so she didn’t knock me over. “I’m so excited for the families to enjoy a ride tonight! We all had a blast last night when you took us on a ride, so I know they will too.”
“I can’t wait. When you told me I was driving the sleigh a month ago I thought there could be no greater torture. Now, I have Dolly and Jolene dressed in their Christmas finest and I can’t stop smiling. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“I do,” Heaven said with a wink. “It’s called love, and a healthy dose of dealing with your past so you can enjoy your future. I know how hard that is, and I’m proud of you. You deserve to be happy.”
“Thanks, Heaven,” I whispered, giving her another hug. “Joe is teaching me that I can be happy and I don’t have to feel guilty about it. It was twenty-two years ago that I lost my mother on this day, but finally, I feel like I can enjoy the holidays without guilt or anger. That’s mind-blowing to me, but I also feel renewed. Like anything is possible.”
“Anything is possible. Just look around this room and tell me it’s not,” Dawn said as she walked into the kitchen.
“How is everyone here?” I asked, joining them at the table.
“Giddy,” Dawn said with a smile as she shook her head. “Landry has the babies at Bison Ridge, and she’s going to help us with them during the ceremony.”
“I’m ready to give the newly married family the first sleigh ride for their pictures.”
“I suspect Caleb will want you to take them to the pasture since the ridge where he found Poppy that night is right above it,” Heaven said, and I nodded.
“I made sure I could get there and turn the girls and the sleigh around just in case.”
