She turned her head to smile at me. “I love you too. Are you okay? You seem off tonight.”
I shrugged and pointed ahead of us. “Can we take the sleigh into the pasture?”
“Yeah, it will be a good test to see how tightly the horses can turn the sleigh. I’m happy with their performance. They work well together and don’t overpower the sleigh, which was my biggest worry. Tomorrow I’ll load up all seven passengers and see how they do with more weight behind them.”
She slowed the horses as we came to the pasture and then pulled them to a complete stop. “Should we take a minute?”
“Will they be okay?”
“You kidding? It’s Dolly. She does whatever I tell her to do.”
She pulled the mitts off, leaving her inner pair on, and put the sleigh anchor down so even if the girls spooked, they couldn’t take off. I helped her down, and for safety, she also stuck a log under the sleigh runner. This little slip of a woman had more strength in her tiny body than I had in mine, and I was going to need every ounce of hers tonight. She turned her head to the sky to search the stars, whether she was looking for Cody or Daddy Nash, I didn’t know, but I took the opportunity to take the bag from the back of the sleigh.
I walked up next to her, and she pointed up in the sky. “He’s even brighter tonight.”
“That makes me happy. I miss Daddy Nash a lot. It’s hard when I remember I can’t just drop into the nursing home to see him after my shift. It’s harder going home and not knowing what he’d want me to do with the place.”
“He’d want you to live there, Joe. He’d want you to build a life there and have a family. Even if you don’t run it as a ranch ever again, that land is still his legacy. You’re his legacy.”
“I know you’re right,” he agreed. “I want to make him proud, but he never told me how to do it.”
She turned and took my face in her hands. “He didn’t have to tell you how, Joe. He was wicked proud of you every single day. You and Laramie were his greatest accomplishments in his life, and he never doubted that for one second. He never doubted you for one second.”
I swallowed around the lump that had lodged in my throat and let my gaze drift back to the stars. “Do you think, um,” I cleared my throat again and held up the bag. “Do you think Heaven would mind if I made this his final resting place?”
“Wait? What? This isn’t Nash land, Joe.”
“I know,” I agreed, lowering the bag again to hang by my side. “The thing is, Daddy spent his whole life on that ranch and saw the stars from the same place every night. I thought putting him here, with his friend, a man he respected and loved like a brother, might make him happiest of all. He could see the stars from a different angle. Hear the water lapping on the shore and the huff of the bison that always fascinated him so much. He could be part of something he loved again. He could become part of a ranch that has changed our lives by bringing you back to me. If you think Heaven would be upset, I won’t do it, but I’ve thought about it a lot, and I think—”
Her fingers came down on my lips until I quieted. She moved it to wipe away a tear on my cheek before she spoke. “Heaven would be touched to hear what you just said, Joe. She sold this pasture to Blaze on blind faith that she could protect what Duane had built all his life. Look at the wonderful things that have happened since. If you’re sure this is what you want, then Heaven would be the first one to drive you out here. You know that.”
I smiled, even if it was through tears in my eyes. “You’re right. All of that was my justification for myself more than anything, I guess. It was a way to find out if you thought he would hate the idea and want to be on his ranch.”
“Joe, Daddy Nash wasn’t my father, but I learned more about life from that man than anyone else. He taught me if you close the door to a possibility, it’s almost impossible to open it again. That was why I always kept my heart open to the idea of you and me. Logically, the chances were slim, but as long as I kept the door cracked, it wasn’t closed for good. He also taught me that life is an adventure, even if that adventure is a cigar around a campfire after a long day of haying. He once told me that our final resting spot is our new beginning. It’s a place to be picked up by the wind and carried into the next adventure. Putting him here would ensure that his next adventure would be catching the wind and finally getting to ride on the back of one of those bison as they carry him to his next destination.”
I nodded, my lips trembling with emotion as I thought about how much he loved the bison. You’d often find him at Bison Ridge grilling the hands about the animals that intrigued him.
“I’ve thought about it a lot by thinking about him,” I explained, my gaze drifting to the stars in the sky. “Somehow, I knew this is what he’d want.”
She wiped another tear from my face before she pointed over my shoulder. “Duane is through the trees that way a bit where the old cabin fell.”
“I don’t want to disturb that space for Heaven,” I said with a shake of my head. “That’s her place to be with her daddy, and I wouldn’t infringe on that. He’d be happy right here in the pasture if that’s okay with you.”
She took my hand and led me away from the horses and toward the water. Of course, it was frozen, but the moonlight glinted off the ice like a diamond sparkling in the sun. “If you spread him here, when the bison come, they’ll pick him up and carry him with them as they go. He’ll be part of the red dogs for generations and maybe, someday, another white bison to bring hope and peace to the world.”
“I like that idea,” I whispered, setting the bag down and pulling out the urn the funeral home had put him in. “He would too. He’d want to live on in a way that continued to help others. That was the way he lived his life. You only have to look at me to know how true that is.”
She put her arm around my waist, and I leaned on her, my heart breaking wide open for a man who loved me like a father when he held no responsibility toward me whatsoever. Taking comfort in her presence, I finally removed the lid of the urn and stepped to the edge of the pond’s bank. I held the urn and let the wind catch the ashes, watching as they scattered across the ice and settled into swirls over the glistening surface. Daddy Nash had found a new home now, and it was time for me to do the same.
I turned and found my new home in the eyes of the woman waiting for me. She held her arms out, and I dropped the urn, walking into her arms with a sob of loss that would stay with me forever. She held me, rubbing my back and swaying with me in the night air, the breeze a gentle brush against our face, as though he was telling me it was okay. That I should go, live, and build a family with the woman in my arms. I hoped to do exactly that. I just wished he’d have stuck around to see it.
“The Lakota have a phrase,” she whispered in my ear, sending a shiver down my spine but calming my racing heart. “They say,Mitakuye Oyasin, which means we are all related. I don’t think there is a better way to honor Daddy Nash than to whisper that to the wind tonight as a final tribute to who he was and what he did in this world.”
I nodded with my chin tucked over her shoulder as I held to her like a lifeline. “Mitakuye Oyasin,Daddy Nash,” I whispered. “You were the best father a man could ask for in this life. If I am half the man and father you were, I will consider myself successful in this world.”
Tobi ended the hug and turned me back to face the pond, her hand going up to point at the stars. The brightest one throbbed in the sky, and I blew it a kiss. “Mitakuye Oyasin,” she whispered, and my heart settled into its normal rhythm again. We were all related. And we were home.
The cabin was warm by the time we finished showering and climbed into bed. Joe was emotionally exhausted, but there was one more thing I had to do before we could sleep.
