“What?” I asked. “Is something wrong with Eden?”
She shook her head and motioned at my foot. “No, but the clinic closed early today for some equipment failure. All emergencies are being diverted.”
Joe lifted me from the chair and into his arms. “I’ll take care of it.”
“I can walk!” I shouted, twisting to get free, but he held tight and cocked a brow.
“You sure about that?”
I hated it when he burst my bubble. I stopped squirming and grabbed his shirt to feel less like I was about to fall. Sure, Joe was a foot taller and one hundred pounds bigger than me, but he still shouldn’t be carrying me.
“I’m going to take her to her bunkhouse and call the doc. He’ll come out at my request. She won’t be able to work for a few days.”
Heaven held up her hand. “Already covered. Call over here on a walkie if you need anything. And, Tobi?” she asked before he turned away.
“Yes, boss?”
“Do what the doctor says, and don’t worry about chores. We need you up and moving by the dance, or we’re sunk. Understood.”
“Understood,” I agreed, and then I was carried from the house in the arms of my Christmas Cowboy.
Sometimes, life hits you out of left field. That was all I could say about the last few days. I was poked, prodded, and scolded for letting things get out of hand when I knew I had a problem. I tried to explain to two men with four normal, working limbs that you don’t always get that choice when you’re someone like me. Sometimes, you have to make a choice that isn’t the right one in their eyes, but the only right one for your situation.
By the time the doctor left, the toe had been cleaned, covered, and wrapped. He’d given me enough antibiotics until morning when I’d have to go into town and pick up the rest of them. The sore would heal, but I would have to play nice with it in the meantime. Beau had come over and talked to me about the current design of my shoe inserts, how he could improve them, and what would work to make them more dynamic with each step. He didn’t seem disgusted by my feet. He was just a friend who wanted to help any way he could. I was going to have to get used to that, and maybe, in the end, the blister would be a blessing. Until Beau had the new prototypes made, he had fixed the other wooden foot enough that I could wear it to stay upright when I had to move around.
Joe picked up the medication for me and then insisted I rest for the last two days. I was happy that the foot had already started to heal, and I could walk easily in my winter snow boots. I would just have to wear them for everything until it was healed completely. Since I couldn’t do much other than make calls and do paperwork, the rest of the dance committee handed off a bunch of tasks for me to work on. That freed them up to help prepare the barn for the dance and start the early food prep. Since we decided the barn was nowhere near big enough for the size of the crowd we were expecting, I also had to find a tent rental. I was worried the whole event was going to come to a screeching halt, but on the fifth call, I finally found someone with a tent big enough for what we needed. It would be heated with a dance floor and extra seating. Now, two days later, I had nearly everything buttoned up for scheduling. All that was left was to get together with Cece and Caleb to make sure I had everything ordered that they wanted for their wedding.
I glanced at the clock, surprised to see it was nearly midnight. I had promised myself that I would enjoy the Christmas season this year, but I knew the only way that would happen was to revisit my past one last time. The cabin was too small to store my things, so I had a couple of plastic totes that Heaven let me keep under a bench in the barn's tack room. I didn’t need a lot of things, but there were a few items I wanted to hold onto from the past. Yesterday, I’d asked one of the other ranch hands to bring the bins over and leave them on my porch. I’d already emptied the first bin. It held mementos that were better put to rest rather than held onto as some kind of shrine to the dead. It was time for the things I’d saved when my parents passed away to go. When I finished, I was free from the idea that anything other than the good memories I had in my heart still mattered.
That wasn’t as easy with the items in the second bin, so I’d been putting it off. That bin held the last few items I still had of Cody’s. His high school diploma. His wallet. A picture of the two of us on our graduation day. His old varsity jacket. Underneath was the most macabre thing to keep, but for some reason, I couldn’t part with it all those years ago. I took the photos to my bedroom, threw his diploma away, and hung his varsity jacket on the hook by the door. I’d ask Joe if he’d like to have it.
Then I pulled out the final item, and my heart paused in my chest. How many times over the years had I watched him pack up for hunting and ask, “Do you have your harness?”
This harness. The harness that hadn’t saved him. I shouldn’t have wasted my breath, but how was I to know? I held the rough fabric in my hands and closed my eyes. The guilt I’d carried for blaming Joe all these years for Cody’s death filled me. In hindsight, I see what a horrible thing that was to do to someone.
Was the truth in my hands all along and I didn’t know it? That question may be answered soon, but first, I had to be with Cody. I needed to sit with him in the silence before I could let him go. I grabbed my coat and stuffed my feet into my boots. I couldn’t go all the way to the pasture, but I could sit on my deck and still see his star. I settled on the first step and gazed up at the sky, glad the earlier snow had stopped, and the clouds had cleared. It would get brutally cold tonight, but for a chance to see the stars, I didn’t mind.
“Star,” a voice called from a distance, which both scared me and soothed me at the same time. When I turned, I was happy to see Joe walking toward the cabin. I hated how much hope bloomed in my heart every time I saw him now. As though a little part of me believed one day we could be more than just friends. I still wasn’t convinced that was true, but as for tonight, I was glad to see him.
When he reached me, he took one look at my face and wrapped his arms around me. “I tried to call, and you weren’t answering. I got worried.”
“I left my phone in the cabin. I needed to be with Cody.”
“At midnight?” he asked, his body heat warming me from head to toe.
The emotions I’d pushed away when I read that email came flooding back to me. I shuddered. Could it be true? “Something happened, Joe,” I whispered. “I needed you.”
“I sensed that. I just finished work and was going to drive home, but the closer I got to the ranch, the more the feeling drew me here. What’s going on? What has you so worked up tonight?” he asked, his arm around me after he planted a kiss on my head. “It’s freezing out here tonight, Star.”
“I just, I had to know, Joe.” My voice was robotic as I gazed up at the sky, wondering if the answers had been there all along. Wondering if, after twelve years, I would finally know the truth.
“I’m confused, baby. What did you have to know?”
I sat up and lifted the harness from the porch.
“Wait, is that—”
“Cody’s harness.”
