“You’re terrified,” I whispered, holding his face in my hands again.
“I am,” he breathed out. “I’m terrified if he somehow got himself into trouble, and his death wasn’t accidental, the person who killed him will come after us. I don’t care about myself, but if they hurt you, I’d kill them with my bare hands.”
“Don’t say that.” I rubbed away the tension at his temples because I didn’t know how else to calm him. “Don’t let anyone hear you say that. I’ll help you with whatever you need, but you have to stay calm. It’s important to approach this rationally and not act on emotion, as hard as that is.”
“My friend was found dead on a boat on the bottom of Lake Superior. How do I not act on that kind of emotion?” he asked, his eyes closing as a tear tracked down his cheek.
I rubbed it away with my thumb, but my heart ached for him. Milas was an unusual character who came off as brash and unpolished, but he was extraordinarily fun-loving and gregarious. To those who knew him well, you understood it was a persona. He was a shrewd businessman who wasn’t afraid to take chances, but he always looked out for his friends and family. If you were ever in need, he’d be the first one there to help.
“I’m sorry, Mathias. I’m sorry for what you’re going through right now.”
He bit his lip and took a shaky breath before his eyes popped open and stared into mine. “My old life, it’s over, Honey. That Mathias is gone. If there were any vestiges of that guy left inside me, they disappeared when I stepped foot on that boat today. Every single one of my bad decisions raced through my mind while I stood there, and I knew I’d made the right decision by changing my lifestyle. I will do what I have to do to get his business completed, but then I’m done. No more questionable business decisions just to make a buck. Everything, and I mean everything, from here onward is upright, conscionable, and trustworthy. That’s the man I want to be.”
I leaned in and rested my lips on his forehead. “That’s the man you are, Mathias. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think so.” I was practically straddling him to get more comfortable. “You’re a good man in here”—I poked his chest—”and the business side of things I can help you with.” I flashed him a wink, and he laughed softly. Relief flooded me when I watched the heavy emotions drain away, leaving only one. Exhaustion.
“I’ve never been that scared in my life,” he whispered, my face in his hands now. “When I lost my phone and couldn’t reach out to you, I was lost—utterly lost, honeybee. I realized when my phone sank to the bottom of Lake Superior how much of a lifeline you are to me. Suddenly that line was gone, and I was adrift. Worst twelve hours of my life.”
“Mathias, we’ve been without contact for longer than twelve hours before.” I had to force air in and out of my lungs, hearing the sheer agony in his voice.
He nodded his head dramatically. “I know, but I knew I could contact you if I needed to. Maybe I’m not making any sense. I don’t know.”
I considered what he was saying for a moment. “You mean all the other times you could get ahold of me anytime, so you didn’t worry about it. When you were faced without a way to contact me until they let you go, you realized how much you depended on me?”
“Yes,” he breathed out, “exactly what I mean.”
I shook my head and glanced at the ceiling while his hands fell to my thighs, which still straddled him. “You know I’ll do anything to make sure your business succeeds, Mathias. It’s why I’ve been here working on plans all day. You never have to worry about that. Well, there was that one time I threatened to quit, but I wasn’t in my right mind.”
He didn’t smile. He didn’t laugh. He didn’t tease me back. He just sat up and leaned in until our noses touched. “I wasn’t talking about my business,” he whispered, his voice cracking on the last word. “I was talking about how when that phone sank, so did my heart. If I couldn’t call you when I was vulnerable and alone, I wasn’t sure I would survive emotionally. Facing everything I faced today did something to me. I guess you could say it was the moment I grew up. It also made me realize some things I’d been avoiding. I won’t get into them right now, but let me say tonight that things are going to be different from now on. One hundred percent different.” His lips came down to brush against mine.
Against my will, I whimpered when he pulled his lips away and tugged me in for a hug. I wrapped my arms around his back, and we sat locked in an embrace on the couch. I loved this man so much, and I hated to see him in such turmoil. My heart squeezed tightly in my chest. He was hurting, and I couldn’t do anything to take it away other than hold him in my arms.
He shivered and his body racked with a spasm as he tried to hold in his tears.
“It’s okay to mourn the loss of a friend, Mathias,” I whispered, kissing his temple tenderly. “You’re not made of concrete and steel. Milas was a fun, loving, all-around genuine guy. He was someone you trusted and loved like a brother. You don’t have to pretend to be unfazed by his death, especially not with me.”
He tightened his hold on me and spent several minutes crying quietly into my shoulder.
“I wish I had something else to say that would make you feel better,” I whispered as I rubbed his back.
“You being here is all I need, Honey,” he promised, clearing his throat. “I just need you.”
I wiped away a tear and kissed his temple. “I also think you need some sleep. It’s been a long day.”
His arms tightened around my midsection. “I don’t want to let you go,” he whispered, his words muffled by my shoulder.
“I know, but you do need rest, Mathias.” I didn’t want to let him go either, but I knew I had to get him to bed before he crashed on the small loveseat. I climbed off his lap, shut the fireplace down, then reached out for his hand. He took mine, and after staring me down for a few moments, he joined me on the stairs leading to our bedrooms. I walked into his room and noted that the California king he’d brought from his condo nearly filled it. I lowered him to the bed and stooped over, taking his shoes off. When I stood, he grabbed my arm and held me between his legs.
“Sleep with me tonight.”
“Mathias, I do—”
His finger came down on my lips to hush me. “I need to hold you in my arms and remind myself you’re here and we’re safe, that’s all. Please, for a friend,” he begged, his fingers sliding into my hair to hold the back of my neck.
I motioned for him to move over and crawled into the bed, billowing the sheet over us once we were lying down. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and his lips kissed the back of my neck tenderly without hesitation. “Thank you.” His words were a whisper when he snuggled in closer to me.
His breathing evened out almost immediately, and he was sleeping peacefully with his arms wrapped around me in an embrace of comfort and familiarity. I understood he just needed comfort, but his words from earlier ran through my mind.
You’re my lifeline.
