“Now I get to do what I want to do. What I want to do is kiss you again. As long as you’re okay with my lips on yours.”
I fell to the bed, and he rested over me, making sure to hold himself up on his elbows to keep from crushing me. I wouldn’t have minded. The feel of his body plastered against mine was something I’d longed for almost my entire life. I had barely nodded before his lips were back to teasing mine. He nipped at them until they opened and his tongue could stroke my inner sanctum. I understood with my whole being how bad of an idea this was, but my moan still filled the room with desire. Even as I slid my hands through his hair and fisted the soft, silky locks in my fingers, I wanted to push him away. Instead, I held him to me.
I realized in a blinding moment of clarity that I would always hold him to me, even if doing that destroyed what little bit was left of my heart. Why? Some would say I was a glutton for punishment. Some would say I was hoping to change someone who didn’t want to be changed. Some would say I was a hopeless romantic. Nothing anyone else said mattered, though. I lived with the knowledge they didn’t have. The knowledge that being tethered to another soul the way I was to Mathias meant nothing could break that bond.
Not time.
Not distance.
Not anger.
Not pain.
Not disrespect.
Not even death broke that bond.
His tongue lapped against mine until I shifted my head and allowed him into the deepest part of me. When he moaned, that letter I wrote to him played through my mind.
You probably already know this, but I’ve been in love with you since I was eight. The thing is, I’m smart enough to know we can never be together for so many, many reasons, the least of which is my childhood.
Was that still true?
He lowered his pelvis to my hip, and I could feel his desire resting against me. His moan when I shifted made my heart thunder in my chest until I was certain it was going to explode inside me. We were going to combust if he didn’t come up for air soon. He didn’t; he dug in for more, his hand cradling my neck while he shifted the kiss from frantic to tender.
I love you, Mathias. Always have and always will. No matter where I am, in my eyes, you’ll always walk on water, the same way you have for the last twenty years.
His moan filled my mouth and my head with the knowledge that those words were still as true today as they were when I wrote them. Problematic or not, I would always love him.
“God, Honey,” he whispered, breaking the kiss to suck in air. “You are the best thing in my life. Why did it take me so long to recognize that?”
The question must have been rhetorical because his lips were back on mine before I could answer. When he stretched out the length of me and nipped at my bottom lip, I was lost in him for eternity.
♥
Mathias had moved into the house two days ago, taking up residence in the bedroom next to mine. Since I had the master, I decided the nursery made a great office, considering he took the downstairs den for his. I was happy with the small cubbyhole being my space, though. Since it was connected to my bedroom, I could work late at night or early in the morning without disturbing him. I loved the house with all my heart and soul. It had character, charm, and its fair share of needed repairs, but it was the kind of home I’d always dreamed of owning one day. I’d find myself running my hand over the pie safe in the kitchen while daydreaming about ways to redecorate the house if I owned it. Then I’d remember the house was mine and I could decorate it any way I wanted to, if I decided to stay. I hadn’t decided if I was going to stay.
In the week since the kiss on my bed, Mathias had gone back to hands-off mode. It was confusing, to say the least, and frustrating to say the most. I wanted to be angry or hurt, but I couldn’t work myself into a tizzy about it. Right now, he was confused. I suspected he didn’t understand how one kiss could change everything between us, and he needed time to come to terms with it. I saw it in his eyes every time he looked at me. He wanted me, that much was obvious. When he kissed me, I sensed the same longing in him that I’d carried all these years, and that told me there was more to our relationship than friendship. For some reason, a reason I wasn’t privy to, he still thought we couldn’t be together. That kiss told me it wasn’t because he didn’t want to. There was some other factor at play that I wasn’t aware of right now. He’d reveal it in time, so I just had to be patient with him.
I took solace in knowing my words, the words that had poured from my soul like hot lava onto that paper almost a year ago, had been the catalyst in helping him find his way back to the person he wanted to be. The man he would have been if he’d let Mattie guide him instead of the dollar signs.
“Honey?” a voice called. I set my rag down and pulled my rubber gloves off quickly.
I was working in the honey shack cleaning honey off every surface within sight. It was a huge job, but until I had some of it cleaned up, there was no way to know what we had to work with. I opened the side garage door and was surprised to see Charity standing on the patio. I waved and stepped outside to greet her.
“Hey, Charity, what’s wrong?”
She laughed and shook her head, her arms out wide. “Nothing is wrong other than you not inviting me over to see your new house.”
I frowned sheepishly. “Sorry, I’ve been so busy getting it cleaned up and repaired that I haven’t invited anyone over. Don’t feel bad, please.”
She hugged me around the waist for a minute and then patted my back. “I’m teasing, but I couldn’t hold out any longer. Mathias and Gulliver are in a meeting. I decided to escape the office so I could see you. I miss you.”
I knelt and hugged her back, glad for the comfort of her arms. “Thank you. That makes me feel like someone cares that I’m still around.”
She squeezed my hand and held on to it. “Are you kidding? I’m not the only one who cares. Our office is a different place without your smiling face. The two weeks are up, and I assume you’ve decided not to come back to work?”
I tipped my head to the side in surprise. “Mathias hasn’t told you?”
