I had no damn idea what I was doing, but I did know that I couldn't turn my back on my child, no matter the circumstances.
Did I know what that meant for us? Hell no! But I was willing to be present as we figured it out.
At forty-five, I thought I was past the idea of having kids. However, in just a short five days, a part of my heart filled to capacity that I didn’t even realize was empty.
11
Eleven - Jameela
Ihad to laugh when Ahmad told me he took paternity leave. The way he would not leave my side and parked himself on my couch at night was just too much. I didn’t expect anything from him, and well shit… I definitely didn’t expect all that he was actually doing.
This man waited on me hand and foot. I might as well have had a little bell, because in the two weeks I’d been out of the hospital, he was at my beck and call day and night.
I was glad as hell though, because my damn incision hurt like a bitch those first couple of days I was home. Then, I also tried to do too much with going to the hospital every day and sitting in those uncomfortable chairs next to Ahmir’s incubator until Ahmad had to force me to leave.
I also was up all day and night pumping. I wanted to keep my milk production up so that I would easily transition into breast feeding once Ahmir was home. Life was just… tough.
And I still wanted to know who the hell I pissed off to get this kind of karma. But one thing’s for certain, I would never take it back. Because I was so in love with my son. Watching him grow stronger each day made my heart swell. Dr. Abrams was sure we would be able to bring him home in a few weeks.
“What you thinking about?” Ahmad asked as he sat next to me on the couch, pulling my feet into his lap and massaging them. We had gotten really comfortable with one another in the last two weeks. But in a very platonic way.
I guess there couldn’t really be any other way because I was still recovering from having a major surgery. But these constant foot massages… they were turning me the hell on. And I wanted more.
“Lots of things.”
After I didn’t say anything else, Ahmad paused his massage and looked me in the eye.
“Care to elaborate?”
I was a little embarrassed because I was currently thinking how I wished he’d move his hand up a little further. Who knew I would be ready for sex this soon after having a baby? It had to be because I had a c-section opposed to a vaginal birth. That, and paired with the fact that I had not had sex since our one-night stand.
“Thinking about all that still needs to get done before Ahmir gets discharged.”
I decided to go with that portion of my thoughts opposed to the other things circulating in my head.
“We’ll get it all done. I promise.”
Everything Ahmad promised in the last few weeks, he made happen, so I had no doubt in my mind that my lists would be complete in the next few weeks. He already put together the crib, rocker, painted the walls, and so many other things. I just wanted everything to be perfect. Not that an infant cared about perfection, but I wanted certain things to be done.
“I believe you,” I told him.
“Good. Now relax. Enjoy the foot massage.”
And I did.
As the days and weeks ticked by, Ahmad handled everything I asked him to, without any complaints. All while still being fully attentive to me. We would soon be bringing a baby back to my baby proofed condo and to a perfect nursery.
Now, all I needed was for this ache, and not from my incision, to subside. My lady parts had been doing a wild dance, throbbing every time we caught sight of Ahmad using his hands.
And his muscles… good God… since when were doctors so damn built? Most male doctors I’ve seen were out of shape with flabby cores, while they told their patients that their BMI was too high and to work out. Not Ahmad, though. The way his muscles bulged and strained against his shirts should have been outlawed. I don’t think my mouth has any more salvia to build up with all of the drooling I have been doing.
The way he looked and the way he was built, his ass should be an exotic dancer because I’d throw all my damn coins at him if he were naked.
I began walking around my house in the tiniest of outfits, blaming it on the fact that I’d need to whip out my titties to pump, just to see if I could get a reaction out of Ahmad. I swear it felt like he wasn’t at all interested in me, because he really did just want to make sure everything with me and Ahmir was good.
Girl, you just had a baby. He ain’t checking for you.
I guess I needed to be realistic with myself because Ididjust have a babyandwe didn’t know one another from Adam! I should have just been thankful that he was here at all.
