My shoulders shake as the tears roll down my cheeks, and she says again. “I promise it’s going to be fine.”
She and I both know that’s not the truth. Hollister will soon be abuzz with the story, and church retribution will prove swift.
As these realizations crash down on me in waves, I stifle a sob, saying, “No.”
She holds me tight, letting me cry until I’m too exhausted for another tear to roll down my cheek.
“Let me make a quick phone call,” she says, excusing herself from the room. All I can do is nod, the threat of another torrent of tears ever-present.
I can’t look at Birdie when she comes back in the house. I’m terrified that a few minutes of reflection have given her the venom she needs to rip me to pieces.
That was always my parents’ MO. Seem to care and understand only to stab me in the back when I least expect it.
Birdie sits down beside me again, straddling the bench to face me. Instead of the recrimination I imagine, her eyes exude warmth and love. “Everything’s going to be okay, honey. I’m excited for you. I’m excited for our family. Honestly, this is the best news ever.”
Her words stun me. “Really? But what will people say about me?” Only after the words pour out do I remember Jess’s admonition to quit worrying about what other people think and start focusing on what I want.
Unknowingly, Birdie reinforces Jess’s words. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you find a way to be happy with this news. It’s incredible news. Amazing!” She pats my shoulder to punctuate the words.
“So you’re not ashamed of me or mad at me?” I question,peering into her face, looking for signs that might betray her innermost feelings. But all I see is genuine happiness piled on top of exhaustion.
“Not at all, sweetie. I’m excited! Can you imagine our joy with a little one running around this empty old house?” She catches herself on the last question, and I know it’s because of the impending foreclosure on our ranch.
She grabs my hand, leveling her gaze on me. “A couple of things. It’s time we find you a new church. I don’t want you going back to those people. That place. I know how they are, how they’ll judge you, and that’s the last thing you need right now.”
Birdie tells me about the non-denominational church she goes to, and it sounds welcoming. I can tell she’s surprised when I agree to start attending without hesitation.
Secretly, I’ve contemplated a break for months. I just didn’t have the courage because of how complicated it could and likely will get. But I can’t live in fear forever.
“Next thing,” Birdie continues. “Who’s the baby’s daddy?”
I try to hold it together. But between missing Travis, sleepless nights worrying about him on the frontlines, and the shock of processing the baby news myself, I start crying again. I’m a mess today.
Birdie shifts restlessly, rubbing my back some more. She visits a handful of home healthcare clients each day. I know she loves the work except for having to be around Travis’s older brother, Zane.
From everything she’s told me, he’s a pain-in-the-ass employer, fighting every step of the way as she tries to care for his dad, Wyatt. So, I understand her increasing urgency to leave before he does something unreasonable like discontinue services.
I can’t let her go without asking the question that’splagued my mind all morning. “I was on birth control pills and everything. I don’t understand. How could this happen?”
“Did you ever miss a day?”
I shake my head.
“What about any medicines or vitamins you’ve been taking?” She grabs her phone and starts looking up information. “Both vitamin C and St. John’s wort can make the pill less effective. So can melatonin. Were you taking any of those?”
I look down, nodding my head, wishing I’d known that sooner. “All of the above, actually.”
Birdie’s eyes widen.
“I’ve been taking St. John’s wort for depression ever since Dad died and melatonin because I have trouble sleeping. As for vitamin C, I take it to avoid getting sick. After all, there’s barely enough help for the feed store as it is. I feel so stupid for not knowing about this.” I bury my head in my hands, trying to wrap my head around the news.
I can tell by my sister’s strained voice she has to get to work. “Honey, we’ll discuss this later, but please don’t be sad anymore. I’ll be here with you every step of the way. We’ll make this work, no matter what.”
I’m still looking down, so Birdie puts her hand under my chin, drawing it up until I look at her. “Everything’s going to be alright. We’ll get through this together.”
I ask her to promise to stay in Hollister to help me raise the baby, but all I get is a lukewarm “I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. I’ll be here for you.” Despite the lack of enthusiasm, her words still reassure me.
After Birdie leaves, I sit in silence for a long time, staring at my phone. I’m torn about whether to reach out to Travis. It’s the kind of news I’d prefer to deliver in person, but I don’t want to keep it from him, either. After all, he’s the daddy and has a right to know.
