He said softly. “I am sorry I frightened ye.”
“I don’t know why I got so scared... or so angry, I just…” I swallowed. “I really don’t like it when you do that.”
He was quiet.
I finally said, “It scares me, a lot. It makes me behave in a way that I’m ashamed of.”
Those words hung between us, punctuated by the crackle of the fire and the old man’s slow snore. Finally Torin’s voice came, low and steady. “Tis because ye hae lost a great deal in yer young life, Princess. Ye lost yer mother and father, and ye lost yer brother, and then the folk who took ye in… and then those who raised ye. Someone who’s carried that much loss… tis grim, I think ye are right tae abhor bein’ left. Tis nothin’ tae be ashamed on.”
“Oh, I didn’t think of it that way.” I turned on my side, so I could see the side of his face. “I don’t remember most any of that.”
“Ye were verra wee, but ye remember it in yer heart.” He turned his head so his face was lit by the fire. “That is why it feels like yer heart will break when ye are left.”
“Maybe that’s it, but also, I still shouldn’t be a dick.”
He raised his head to look at me. “A dick?”
“Yep.”
He lowered his head. “Ye arna a dick. Ye are frightened. I… I daena ken what I ought tae do when I must leave ye tae make things safe. I daena want tae, but sometimes I must.” He reached and pushed a wet strand of my hair behind my ear.
“I guess it’s pretty unreasonable for me to need you to keep me safe and then freak out when you do what’s necessary. If you could have whatever you needed to keep me safe, what would it be?”
Without hesitation he said, “A large castle, an army of men. If we were goin’ from Ballatar tae Glenesk I would hae twelve men ridin’ alongside yer Beamer.”
I chuckled. “I would feel very safe.”
“I would never leave yer side. But sometimes,” he broke off and looked at me, “now… I must.”
“I know. But the ‘me that knows that,’ is a very different person than the one who sat on the forest floor in the dark. I turned into a little girl out there. I’m not proud of it, but I can’t help it, not really. I will try.”
“I will do m’best tae never leave ye again.”
“And I don’t hate you.”
“I ken, Princess.”
“I’m sorry I hit you.”
“Tis not the first time someone from yer family did it.” He smiled a half-smile. “I deserved it both times.”
“That’s not true, in my case. And you mean Max? Why did Max hit you?”
He chewed his lip. “Because I told him he had tae face the truth, that his sister was long dead.”
Oh.
He added, “I am glad I was wrong in it.”
I pressed my forehead to his shoulder. “Do you think I’ll ever get home?”
“Aye, any day now.”
“How do you know? This is all so dire.”
He chuckled. “Princess, this inna even close tae how dire it could get.”
I moved my head back, as if in fun. “What onearthcould possibly happen to us besides biting bugs, torrential downpours, and villainous men looking for us?”
