“What’s that?” I asked, but my words came out slowly.
“My dad’s pojo stash.” He tried handing me the bag and another bottle of gin.
“No, keep it, but I’ll take the gin,” I said, without signing, as I didn’t know if I could anymore.
“No, he’d want you to have it. He told me about how much you loved it before he sent me to give you some.” His hand movements were slow and I smiled at his truth and took the bag from him. That day seemed so long ago when I drank pojo with Hallan the morning we left the cave to go back home. So much had changed.
I turned toward the mountain, stumbling toward the wall with Ace, when I tripped over my own feet. His arm caught around my waist before I fell headfirst into the rough stone. Instead, we tumbled over beside the wall, falling next to each other in the cold soil. His mirrored gaze met mine, his arm still drapedaround my waist. His hard chest was at my front while the mountain sat at my back.
I gave myself one breath before deciding to fuse his mouth against mine. I brought my hand up to cup his lightly stubbled cheek. He didn’t kiss me back at first, and right before I was about to pull away, he tucked me against his hard chest and deepened our kiss. I just wanted to feel something. Anything other than the misery of what had happened in our lives. He was my distraction, and I was his.
I tasted the pale liquor that lingered on his breath as our tongues intertwined. A groan rumbled in his chest that made a moan escape me. Tears stained my cheeks as I tried to forget. I only wanted to think of him.
As quickly as his lips were on mine, they were gone. Ace stood, fumbling for his full bottle of gin. He took a long swig before turning to me with glossed-over, tear-lined eyes.
“This isn’t you, or me, Eme.” He blew out a breath. “This is two people experiencing a loss and trying to run from it.” He shook his head as if trying to reel his thoughts back in line through the drunken stupor. “Tell me…If we hadn’t gone to war, would you have kissed me? Would you have wanted me in that way?” he asked, and I didn’t have an answer. Ace was attractive, yes, beautiful even. But he was my father’s best friend’s son…We grew up together. I believed our fathers had always wanted us to end up together, but if we truly felt the same, it would’ve happened long before this.
“You’re right. I-I’m sorry.” My voice cracked over my words, and Ace pulled me to my feet, steadying me.
“Why? There’s nothing to apologize for.”
“I don’t-I can’t lose anyone else. I don’t know if I’ll survive.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” His face was serious. Sure. His hands were firm.
“You can’t promise me that.” I wiped my damp face for what felt like the hundredth time in the last day. I wasn’t sure how many more tears I could shed.
“I promise that as long as there is air in my lungs and a beat in my heart, that I will be here, we will be here, together.”
“Mai lao kahi,” I whispered with a sad smile on my face, and he held out his hand and nodded his agreement. I took it, grabbing his forearm, and he pulled me to him, placing his forehead against mine before wrapping me into a tight hug. He brought me the comfort of knowing I wasn’t going through this alone, and I hoped I brought him that same feeling.
Ace had always been there with no reservation or reward. He wanted to be. From the moment our fathers introduced us, we had been close. Life would get in the way when it came to seeing or spending time with one another, but the affinity between us was always there.
“Come on, we need to find a place to sleep,” I said, pulling away. My buzz was wearing off and a slight ache had started behind my temples. I walked over to the edge and waited for Ace as I picked up my bag and bottle of gin. “You coming?”
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that since I’m the one with the wings?”
I smiled.
“I trust you.” I said it with a wink as I stepped off the side of the cliff’s edge. Ace jolted, leaping over the edge, falling with me before catching me in midair.
“You’re crazy,” he signed with one hand, and I let out a chuckle. Maybe my body was still reeling from the alcohol.
Within a few minutes, Ace was landing in my village at the bottom of the mountain. Not much remained. Some cottages were still standing, but they were badly charred and I wasn’t sure how much would be salvageable. Some survivors had made little camps around the village as a temporary fix until they couldstart rebuilding their homes. Others stayed at the beaches where the elders were tending to the rest that had survived.
“You want me to go?” he signed.
“No…wait here. I’ll only be a minute.” He nodded, and I walked forward to where my home sat. The door was gone, the walls blackened and barely standing. The lofts had collapsed. I moved to the one my mother and father used. I remembered my mother always kept a chest with leftover blankets and bedrolls. Hoping the fire hadn’t gotten to it, I dug through the debris. I found it lying on its side, covered in soot. Somehow it had made it. I yanked it free from where it was, taking the axe from my side and knocking the clasp loose from how it had congealed together. The chest creaked open, and I grabbed the few blankets that were in there. They smelt like wood smoke but it was better than sleeping on the forest floor.
I peered around my childhood home, reminiscing about every first I had here: every night my father told me bedtime stories, every time my mother had taught me something new, and every training session my father gave me in the main room before my mother would kick us outside.
I gave myself this moment, just one. For the faultless child who grew into the young woman she was now. The girl who thought her people, her parents, and everyone she had ever loved would still be here. I guessed it was a naïve thought to think peace would last. Maybe my heart wasn’t cut out for this heartless world.
I held the blankets tight against my chest, as if they would bring the warmth back to the void left inside me. They didn’t. I straightened myself, not glancing back, releasing the part of me that believed in a peaceful life behind on a shaky breath that vibrated through my chest like angry thunder before a storm. I said goodbye to everything that was and accepted everything that we were now as I walked back out of my ruined home.
Ace waited patiently by the training grounds my father and I had used every morning.
“Here.” I handed him a blanket and kept walking past him. He didn’t push me to talk about it, just like I hadn’t pushed him at Heavensreach. He followed until I found a small clearing that felt like a pleasant spot to camp. I tossed the blanket on the ground, lay down, and tucked my arm under my head for a pillow, and Ace did the same. There was no talking or signing. As the alcohol wore off, we lay there staring at one another in silence, until my eyes grew heavy and I drifted to sleep.
