Perhaps she had romanticized the idea of returning home, conveniently filtering out anything unpleasant. In a way, she’d expected that their little town wouldn’t have changed much. Perhaps new stores had opened, while old ones had closed, but the people would remain the same. Growing up, there had been a sense of innocence and purity.
She’d been naive to think that Winslow Heights couldn’t be touched by violence and tragedy. Those weren’t exclusive to big faceless cities, where she’d barely even known her neighbors.
She didn’t know how long she’d walked until she realized she was in front of the auditorium and a familiar figure was sitting on the steps in front.
Tate.
He’d been the one who had taught her to walk when she had a problem to work through. The two of them had logged more miles in this town than the local taxi service.
He waved when he saw her, patting the step next to him.
“You, too?” he asked with a gentle smile.
“Are you taking a break?”
She sat next to him and immediately felt the heat from his body and the scent of his skin. No man on the planet smelled better than Tate Winslow. She was sure of it.
The old familiar pull of attraction. Like a bee to honey. She didn’t have a clue what kind of pheromones he was emitting, but they were more potent than anything he served in his tavern. She was almost drunk by the simple act of breathing him in.
How in the world am I going to be just friends with him?
“Doing some people watching,” he replied. “I thought it might take my mind off things.”
“Did it work?”
“No, it just reminded me of how fragile we are as humans. One minute everything is normal, and the next it’s not.”
She had a feeling he wasn’t only talking about Tyler. He was talking about his mother, too.
“I’m still trying to wrap my mind around it. He and I talked last night. We laughed and talked about a cafe in Paris. We’d both gone there and loved it. Tyler said that he wanted to revisit Paris someday soon. Now he won’t be going back.”
“He was a good friend,” Tate replied. “Any time he was in town, he’d stop into the bar to catch up. We’d have a few beers. I’ll miss him.”
“It’s so unfair. The randomness of life is something that I may never understand.”
They didn’t speak for a long time, content with the companionable silence while they watched the students come and go.
These young people had their whole lives ahead of them. The world was in the palm of their hand. It was all exciting and wide open. She remembered being that age well. She’d believed that anything was possible.
“I don’t know why I’m so upset,” she heard herself admit. She hadn’t realized she’d spoken out loud until the words were already out there. “Tyler and I hadn’t seen each other in years. Since Josh and Rachel’s wedding.”
“I can’t say why you’re upset,” Tate replied. “But it might be because his death reminds us that we’re going to die, too. It forces us to confront our own mortality. It also reminds us that bad things can happen to good people. You can do everything right, and still…”
His voice trailed off, but she could complete the sentence on her own. People weren’t always rewarded for good behavior. The universe didn’t always work that way. But Cat had always believed that karma was a real thing. It might take its time, but eventually it will drive down your street and pull into your driveway. And it didn’t always honk its horn in warning.
“It brings up so many things that I avoid thinking about on a day-to-day basis.”
“We all do,” Tate agreed. “But I think it’s probably a good thing to remind ourselves occasionally that we need to live while we can. Grab onto life and go for that ride. I may have regrets at the end, but I don’t want to have too many. At least not big ones.”
Regrets. Shit.
There weren’t many things she wished she had done differently. Might-have-beens. But leaving this man behind and cutting contact was one of them. It couldn’t be changed now, and the moment had passed.
Except there was a brand-new moment right now. She couldn’t change the past - and she didn’t want to - but she could possibly shape her future. She only needed the guts to do it.
Grab onto life and go for that ride.
She could crash and burn, but at least she’d know for sure. It was the wondering that wouldn’t give her any peace.
