“You have to tell her, Harrick,” my mother says. “Gaven will be there with her at Mountain Haven, of course, but she’s going to be alone at times. She needs to be aware of everything that’s at stake should she fail.”
My father clears his throat and adjusts the tie on his robe. He doesn’t look nearly as dignified or threatening in his pajamas, but I wouldn’t make the mistake of telling him so.
He clears his throat. “We have reason to believe that the well is making us mad.”
The words tangle in my brain. The well is healing—magical. It’s the place I go when I need to feel strong.
My mother wrings her hands. “Able is visiting so much more often to help your father lay down the holy fire barrier every night, and it seems like the more he visits the well, the worse it gets. It started very infrequently, but in the last few months, things have—escalated. It seems to be worse at night. It’s fortunate that you’re such a heavy sleeper or you would have noticed sooner.”
Gaven catches my eye and arches a brow, but I am too shaken by the revelation to worry about him taunting me for sneaking out.
The well replenishes our magic. It’s part of the reason that we limit knowledge of the house well. It’s our ancestral secret, in case anything bad happens to the Blood Well.
“But we all go in the well,” I say.
Gaven’s steady gaze is fixed on me. He already knew this. It’s not unusual for him to know things before I do. My father trusts him more than he trusts me, and while it’s not surprising, it does sting.
My father sighs. “Yes, and we know you go more often because of your?—”
Defect. He wants to use that word, but my mother has scolded him for using it and now he can’t think of a better word.
My father shifts, his attention sliding to my mother. He wants her to smooth this over because he thinks she holds more sway with me. She shrugs a shoulder like she has nothing to offer, but I think she knows it would fall on deaf ears. It’s been a long time since I cared what she has to say.
“Condition,” my mother suggests.
I know there’s no name for the pain that plagues me, but it still bothers me that no matter how much I do for them, they only see the ways I fall short. As if my own frustration with my body isn’t enough.
They stare at me—waiting for me to speak. After years of being forced to listen to them scheme, it’s satisfying seeing them both at a loss for words. I want to cling to this—the only power I’ve ever had. I want to show them that I’ve inherited their gift for hitting someone where they’re weakest. But I don’t need to say anything. They already know this discovery—the urgency of madness overtaking my brother at the very moment that we face a new external threat—only improves my bargaining power once I get them what they want.
It’s tempting to toy with them, but I’m tired and agitated about leaving tomorrow. I need the quiet of my room to think.
My parents are still looking at me expectantly.
“Are you asking if I’m mad too?” I bite back a startled laugh. “I suppose it’s a distinct possibility. I did just decide to go behind enemy lines by marrying a dangerous man for the second time—after I was promised that my duty had been done.” I shake my head. “Perhaps I am a bit mad. Are you, Father?”
My father grinds his teeth, his face going red with rage. “You know very well that I’m not.”
“Do I?”
I shouldn’t tempt him by pushing, but it’s as if Aidia’s absence has pulled the fire out of me and I can’t let it go like I used to. I spent my childhood thinking that I was the problem—that there was a level of good I could achieve that would satisfy him. I learned to read his shifting moods like changing weather, but no matter how I twisted and turned, no matter how small I made myself, there was no way to avoid his mercurial wrath.
My mother’s voice shakes me from my thoughts. “Have you seen any signs?”
“Signs?”
“Of madness,” she says impatiently.
I shake my head. “No.”
I mentally run through how often I’ve visited the well. I haven’t been much lately because it never really helps anything for my pain during or after an attack. The only thing it does is make me feel more energetic and make my aura brighter and my magic easier to access.
“You can’t think of anything?” my mother presses.
I glance at Gaven, who is still leaning against the wall by the door. “Can you?”
He shakes his head. “All is normal.”
My parents lock eyes.
