“I just want—” My voice cracks, and I take a deep breath. “Certainty.”
Aidia smiles sadly and reaches for my shoulder. I can’t feel her touch, but it’s still nice to imagine I can.
“Too bad, little Low. Life doesn’t grant us that.”
I’m gripped with the irrational terror of losing her forever. I want to grab her, to make her stay with me. “I don’t know how to do this without you.”
“Sure you do. You’ve been doing it for half a year. You protected all those women from their husbands. You protected the city from ourparents. You fell in love with a man who looks like he was sculpted by the Divine.”
I laugh, and Aidia grins widely.
“Seriously, please tell me his cock is super bent or small or something. It’s a Divine crime for a man to be that good-looking,” she says.
I bite my lip to keep from laughing.
She rolls her eyes. “Of course he’s perfect. And you deserve to let him love you. You deserve someone looking out for you. And from what you’ve said, it sounds like he deserves some color in his world.”
“But I need you, Aidy.” I sound so young.
“No, you don’t.”
“This can’t be the last time I see you,” I plead.
“It needs to be. It’s time to move on.”
I shake my head. “I can’t. I refuse.”
She cocks her head, and a hint of a smile plays across her lips. “You can. Do you know how I’m certain?”
I wait for her to say the words that are summoned from somewhere inside my head.
“Because when I say it, you will say your part, and then I will be gone, but you will know I’ve left you with my blessing,” she whispers.
I thought I spent all my tears earlier, but fresh grief makes my eyes burn. I blink to clear my vision so I can look right into her lilac gaze.
“My heart,” she whispers, the words like a spell rending me from my history, casting me into my future.
I stare at Aidia’s face that is so much like my own, trying to burn every inch of her into my brain forever as I say, “My bones.”
I draw in a tight breath, and tears pour down my cheeks. I rest my head on my forearms on the tip of the vanity and sob, “Our blood.”
I know she’s gone. I know it’s not really Aidia. I know it’s just my fractured mind grieving. But it still feels good to have this conversation with myself, because even when I look up into the vanity mirror and see that she’s gone, I know in my heart that she would approve of my decision.
66
HARLOW
Light returns to Lunameade the way you wake from dreaming—one small crack of sunshine, and then all at once, the world is lit anew.
The remnants of Dark Star Festival still adorn the businesses around the square and the homes and apartments that line the streets leading away from the Blood Well. Golden star garlands hang over the roads. Burned-down candle nubs form abstract sculptures at the bottom of the luminary jars that line the streets. Sleepy people clean up loose streamers and empty bottles from the ground.
A gust of wind ruffles my hair and dress. I pull my cloak tighter to brace against the chill. Dark Star Festival is the turning point of winter. The days will get lighter from here on out, but we’re approaching the coldest part of the season. It’s the most difficult time to distribute resources in Lunameade, but with Kellan in charge, I’m confident he will be able to manage it.
I pause a few steps behind my brother, so I won’t distract him from his work.
Kellan watches the guards place a cover over the well. It looks more like an altar than a barrier. Several more men place the seven statues of the Divine atop the new cover. Their white marble gleams in the morning sun. Several women and their children stand off to the side,pointing and chatting animatedly as they adjust armfuls of flowers. Once the guards finish securing the statues and the cover, they step away.
Immediately, the women and children rush in and place flowers around the feet of the Divine.
