“What happened when you died?”
Her question knocks the wind out of me. Last time, I’d assumed it was meant to throw me, but now I can see it’s a question born of fear and grief. I want to find Rafe Mattingly and kill him in the slowest, most painful way possible. I’m suddenly glad I’m well-versed in dying. It’s given me a great inventory to pull from.
“That night when I fell in with the Breeder, I wasn’t asking you that to annoy you,” she says softly. “I think some subconscious part of me was asking because I wonder where I sent her. I think maybe part of me died that day, too.”
I’ve spent the last ten years trying to forget everything about my many deaths, just for the sake of my sanity. For the first time, I wish I could remember something that might bring her comfort.
“I’m sorry. I don’t remember. It was just pain, darkness, then pain and light and I was back.” I take a deep breath and shake my head. “I’m so sorry that he did that to you. He’ll never do it again.”
She looks over her shoulder, like Rafe might be waiting there for her. “You don’t understand—he could control you. He could make you do the same thing. You have no idea how it feels.” Fresh tears stream down her cheeks. I hate seeing this brave woman scared out of her mind.
“Harlow, I’ll be damned if I let him control me, and he can’t kill me.”
She searches my face. “Because of?—”
“Yes, because of what I am. Because my parents have thought of the many ways that people could use their Divine blessings to harm me. Because, despite what Carter said to you that night in the holding cells, he compelled me to kill myself. Unlike other methods of death, it seems when I meet one magical end, that magic can’t be used on me again.”
Harlow trembles—a mixture of fear and sorrow coming off of her in waves. “I’m so sorry.”
I squeeze her shoulder. “The difference was consent, Harlow. I asked him to do that as a favor to my parents, who were sick with grief. Rafe took something from you.”
She wipes her eyes and extricates herself from my grip. “I need to move. I can’t think clearly here.”
The wind stirs her hair as she glances at the memorial and turns back toward the patio.
There are so many more questions pressing at my mind, but I’m afraid to ask. I rush to catch up with her, afraid to say anything else until we’re out of her parents’ domain. They’re out all day at various gatherings at the high houses, but they will be back in a few hours and they’re expecting us to have dinner with them. All I want to do is get her as far from here as possible.
We emerge from the garden, and Harlow walks across the patio and rips the back door open. It slams against the wall with a loud bang, but she just storms inside.
I can barely keep up with her as she turns down hallways until we finally end up in what looks like a study. There’s a large, ornately carved fireplace with a roaring fire and a painting of Harrick and Liza hanging above it. On the far side of the room, the faint glow of sunstones on the side patio casts shadows over a large wooden desk topped with crystal water glasses, a glass lantern, a stack of ledgers, and several unopened letters. Beside the deck is what looks like a three-dimensional model of the city. The gates are all marked, as are the fallback points for each quadrant.
Harlow paces back and forth. “I just needed one room that didn’t make me think of her. We never spent any time in here. It’s my father’s study.”
I stare at the painting of her parents. “Why didn’t your parents stop Rafe?”
I don’t mean to say it, but it slips out. I’m not even trying to drive a wedge between her and her family anymore. This is already above and beyond just some power struggle between our families.
“They weren’t home,” she says absently.
I frown. “They didn’t have guards who were tasked to protect you? Gaven?”
She pauses and cocks her head to the side, like she’s trying to remember. Slowly, the concentration on her face gives way to shock.
“Could he have compelled them and the guards?” I ask.
I have my suspicions, but I want Harlow to get there on her own.She’s already been through so much in these few short minutes, and I’m worried more hard truths will shatter the woman I thought unbreakable.
Harlow rubs the back of her neck. “I don’t think so. Rafe is powerful, but that would be a lot of people to overcome very quickly, and even so, Gaven was chosen because he had an immunity to Divine magic—” She blinks up at me with wild eyes as the revelation hits her. “He would have been immune to the compulsion.”
“Is he ever so far from you that he wouldn’t have realized Rafe was in the house?”
She shakes her head. “I think he was worried I would kill Rafe and start a war between our families, so he was always very aware of our interactions.” She presses a hand to her chest. “Gaven knew. He let it happen.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Does anything happen in this house your parents don’t allow? I have to imagine violence against one or both of their daughters could only happen if?—”
I fall silent at the recognition in her eyes.
