He wished he had anything clever to say, but all their passion had been spoiled by reality. Maybe Stella was right. They had just helped each other through a difficult time and now they could go back to the way things were before.
Except Teddy was fighting a whole new set of impulses. He could barely keep himself from leaning into her as they walked, from shoving her up against the garden gate to kiss her senseless one more time.
Stella paused just inside the McKay Estate garden and Teddy hovered awkwardly beside her.
She glanced at the house. Her father was waiting at the back door.
“Thank you for walking me home,” she said. “Thank you for—everything.”
Teddy wasn’t sure how to say goodbye. He leaned in to hug her, then felt awkward doing that in front of her father, so it ended up being a sideways half-hug.
“Be safe,” she said. Then she ran to the back door and threw herself into her father’s arms.
Teddy turned and walked back to the castle, unable to shake the feeling that he was walking in the wrong direction.
The night was just beginningand already it felt too long.Teddy had bathed, stretched, and assembled his weapons for the final challenge, even though he still had days to prepare.
When he felt ready to climb the walls of the foreign castle, he finally left his room and walked down to the guest sitting room.
He wandered inside and helped himself to some whiskey as he stared out into the dark queen’s garden. Somewhere in the castle, Arden was doing something more important than waiting for Stella to arrive. And Stella would probably be up all night waiting for him to show. Did he have any idea what he had? Truly, Teddy could not imagine being so oblivious. What a fucking luxury.
He felt a strange aching loneliness that had nothing to do with the bond in his chest and everything to do with the fact that there wasn’t an infuriating wild woman beside him.
The sitting room door creaked open and the telltale static of his father’s magic crackled through the air. Teddy didn’t turn. He took a sip of his drink and waited. A moment later, Xander sat down in the chair opposite Teddy.
“Rough night?” Xander asked.
Teddy nodded. “Restless.”
“Ah. I’ve never been a very good sleeper myself. Worse since Isla left.”
Teddy had been careless when talking to his father about Isla before. Guilt lodged in his throat. “I’m sorry I doubted your decision to ask her to resign. I should have realized that’s not a decision you would have made lightly.”
His father studied him with practiced silence. Finally, he set his glass on the table beside him and began to spin it slowly. “None of my decisions are ever made lightly. It’s been many years since I was carefree. Not since the night of that memory.”
Teddy stared down at his boots. “I’m sorry you had to make a decision like that, even if you knew it didn’t matter. I felt—” Teddy took a deep breath and finally met his father’s gaze. “I felt how much it cost you to let her down. I’ve never seen a memory like that before, but I could hear your thoughts. I could feel everything you felt, and I understood for the first time how much you loved her.”
Xander blew out a slow breath. “I know you have resented the pressure your mother and I have put on you. You’ve managed the weight of that responsibility admirably. You are the one who has to live with your decisions, so you must find a way to be at peace with them. King is a role you inherit, but what no one tells you when you’re growing up is that the moment you earn the title will be one of the worst of your life. Kings may ascend in calm, but they are forged in chaos. I’ve tried my level best to ensure that isn’t the case for you, and the thing that keeps me awake at night is that I might fail, anyway.”
The king took a long swig of his whiskey. “That is still one of the worst moments of my life. I pray it remains that way and that neither you nor your siblings know that or worse.”
Teddy bristled. “The moment Isla left wasn’t worse?”
His father shook his head. “There are things you see on the outside of a relationship and things you see on the inside. Don’t pretend to know how I feel or that you can understand anything other than the fact that I made a hard decision for our kingdom at great personal sacrifice.”
“And how did that turn out?” Teddy countered. He didn’t mean to be so curt. He was supposed to be apologizing, but he couldn’t stand being patronized.
Xander ran a hand through his hair. “I suppose we’ll find out soon at the rate this violence is escalating.” He watched his son over the rim of his glass as he took a sip. “Are you up this late because you’re worried about tomorrow?”
Teddy shrugged and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “In part.”
He thought of facing Stella in the arena. What if she got hurt? What if they were pitted against each other? What if he’d won the right to choose his future partner but had to remain connected to her forever? Would he feel her fall in love with someone else from a kingdom away?
“Oh, I knowthatface.” Xander barked out a laugh and shook his head. “I saw it in the mirror myself twenty-five years ago, when I mether mother. I know the ‘oh fuck’ face of realizing you are in love with the person you’re very much not supposed to be in love with.” His father studied him in his narrow-eyed, assessing way. His mouth softened into a smirk. “Does Stella know?”
Teddy’s mouth went dry. Could he really call this love? This incessant desire to go see her, to stand close to her just so he could feel the glow she gave off… It was so hard to tell what was the bond and what was his heart alone.
Stella was beautiful, clever, and fun. There was no denying that. But did he love her?
