Again, I found myself laughing. “You don’t know Elaine Henderson. Everything has to be perfect. It’s all about appearances.”
Darla shook her head, a knowing look in her eye. “That had to be tough growing up.”
Nodding, I wondered how much to reveal. In the end, Darla had already seen all of me, so why not bear the ugly truths. “She was never a good mom to me. Jenna was the favorite, and that was that. Jenna always tried to include me, always tried to make mom see reason, but it didn’t matter when Elaine got what Elaine wanted.”
“I can see that about her,” Darla admitted.
“I will say in the last five years or so, she’s turned things around. She is actively trying, and she really is great with Luke, but it doesn’t change much for me. That relationship was already strained. I think with my dad’s passing recently, and my… kidnapping… she’s seeing how short life is and is trying harder this time around. But it’s almost like, too little, too late, you know?” I asked.
Darla nodded her head, a thoughtful expression on her face. “I get that. That’s totally acceptable to feel that way—valid even. But what about letting go of the past? I’m not saying to forgive and forget—never that—but to let go of the pain you felt over thepast and start anew. You can hold her at an arm’s length if makes you feel better, but you could also give her a chance again.”
I sat silently, mulling over Darla’s words. “I’m not saying I won’t try, but I’m tired of always having to.”
“Tell her that. Spell that out to her. She has more to lose now.”
“Jenna said the same thing years ago. When Luke was two, my mother showed up in Chicago on Jenna’s doorstep one night. Jenna hadn’t spoken to her in a couple years, not since my mother had kicked me out of the house after college. I hadn’t been dating the guys very long then, barely a couple weeks, and she kicked me out because I got home later than I thought. Though I had told her when to expect me. She was so set in her ways back then, and so fricking rigid in her thinking. Unreasonable, honestly.
“But yeah, she showed up at Jenna’s house and saw me with a baby and just started bawling. She apologized for everything and went on all these tangents, and I just let her. I kinda just let everything go in one ear and out the other. Over the years, I kept things cordial, but always at a distance. Then they got in their accident last year and needed someone to take care of them. I volunteered because Luke had been asking about his father, so I figured two birds with one stone…” I shook my head, trailing off.
“Things go back to the way they were before?” Darla asked.
“Not really? But kinda? Like it was weird being back in that house again. She was great with Luke, but kinda cold and standoffish with me? I know she was stressed, taking care of my father—seeing him that way was hard—but I dunno.”
“It still hurt?” Darla supplied.
“Yeah, yeah it did.” I nodded, then shook my head. “I don’t know what to do about it now. And I keep getting on Griff to let me out of here, but realistically heading back to her house doesn’t sound all that great either.”
“Why not? Wouldn’t somewhere familiar be better than not, right now?”
I thought about it for a moment. “Sure, but it’s a small three-bedroom house and my sister is in town, Luke has his own space, and Nico and the guys…”
“Are very clingy?” Darla chuckled.
“Yes. Is it too much to ask for some space?”
“No. Not at all. You need to set boundaries with them. Communicate.”
I laughed and shook my head again. “We used to be so good at that—or so I thought.”
“What do you mean?”
I played with the Band-Aid from where my IV needles had pierced my skin, debating my words. “What do you know about BDSM?”
“Quite a bit, you’d be surprised.” Darla winked at me.
I let out a started laugh and nodded appreciatively. “Alright, Darla!”
Darla just smiled and waited for me to continue.
Looking down and toying with my bandage, I explained. “When we started dating, we negotiated everything. Full out kink lists, likes and dislikes, hard and soft limits, the whole nine yards. And we would check in with each other weekly, see if things weren’t working any more or if there was something new that we wanted to try. It worked well for so long… then eventually the lines began to blur, and we fell into this twenty-four/seven relationship that we never negotiated. At the time it felt natural. But looking back, I realize that it had gotten harder for me to speak up, to speak my mind. I didn’t want to upset the status quo, I guess.”
“How old were you then?”
“I was twenty-four when I left. We were together for two years.”
“You were still really, really young,” Darla said. “You gotta give yourself some grace. Being in full-time, D & S relationship is hard for anyone, let alone a twenty-year-old kid still figuring out how the world works. They’re older than you?”
“Yeah. They’re all forty now.”
