I tried to swallow my guilt as we ate the home-cooked meal he’d prepared ahead of time for me. Graysen was being kind, asking questions about my first day. Despite continuing as if nothing was wrong, he looked tired. He felt so far from me across the cold granite countertop. More than anything, I wanted to throw myself into his arms and apologize, get things back on course to where they had been going before I’d been so demanding. But that whiplash wouldn’t be fair to him. I would apologize, make sure he knew my intentions, and leave it at that before we went to bed, separately. I would sleep on the couch tonight strictly so it was clear my apology wasn’t a desperate attempt to regain physical connection.
I found myself a blanket while Graysen cleaned the kitchen. I had offered my help, but as usual, he wouldn’t hear it. If taking care of people was his love language, I would let it speak.
As I spread the throw blanket over the couch for myself, Graysen appeared by my side. His expression grew increasingly injured as he observed the makeshift bed I had prepared for the night.
“Graysen.” I took in a steadying breath. “I’m so sorry. You don’t owe me your past, your secrets, or your thoughts. I want them because I want you, and those are part of you. But there are so many other parts that I adore, and I want you to choose which ones you share. If and when you do let me in, I want it to be onyourterms.” My words came out in a rambling purge, but theywere raw and honest. I would no longer hold back my affection. He earned it by being himself.
Graysen was silent, his eyes flicking around my face as if reading every word I had left unsaid. I hated that he was still holding back, planning a response based on his perception of my feelings. Gathering information about me so that he can calculate a risk assessment on how to proceed.
When he didn’t respond, I forced an understanding smile despite the tears threatening to well. “You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to know that I’m sorry.”
I clicked off the living room lights, leaving only the faint cast of illumination from the stove. I needed a good cry, and I couldn’t have that until he left for bed. I had already slipped my bra out from under my work shirt, figuring the rest was comfortable enough to drift off in. Now, in the cover of low light, hopefully, he would leave me to my pitiful self-loathing.
I was about to lie on the couch when his deep voice broke through the suffocating silence. “I want you to stop sleeping on the fucking couch.”
“Excuse me?” I breathed, surprised by the sudden intensity of his tone.
“You want to know one thing I desire from our dynamic? I want to go to sleep every night beside you. I crave your presence constantly and cannotstandyour insistence on staying in the living room.” His voice grew louder, building with passion and some sort of frustration I didn’t understand.
“I haven’t wanted to be more of a burden than I already am. Impeding on your bed feels pretty entitled.” I fought being offended by his complaints. Surely it was better to not intrude on his space when he had already gone out of his way to give meshelter and provide for my needs. How wonderful to know those intentions were unappreciated.
“I don’t want you to ever sleep on a couch again,” he repeated. “If being in the bed with me makes you uncomfortable, the upstairs bedroom will be formally yours andIwill sleep downstairs.”
“It doesn’t make meuncomfortable, Graysen!” A frustrated chuckle escaped my lips. “Damn it, can you just act like you know how I feel about you! I know you can smell how badly I want you all the fucking time. I think I’ve made it plenty obvious where I stand. I want to share a bed with you! Fuck, I want to share every inch ofmyselfwith you. I want you inside of me so bad it fucking hurts.”
As he walked towards me, I instinctively shrank down under the intensity of his stare. His emblem ignited gold, and his eyes lost the black pupils that suggested humanity. His steps were predatory, causing my heart to patter in my chest like a scared animal. There wasn’t much space between us to start with, and every intentional foot placement in my direction felt like a warning to turn and run. I held my ground, knowing with every cell of my being that no matter how much I antagonized him, he would never hurt me.
A black clawed hand clutched my cheek, the tip of his thumb talon hooking into the corner of my lips. “Filthy words from such a pretty mouth.”
“Please—just fuck me, Graysen,” I pleaded, allowing his claw to slip between my lips. I carefully began sucking, tracing the sharp edge with my tongue. My hands grabbed his corded forearm, and I dug my nails into his skin that had faded black.
“You don’t know enough about who I am—what I’ve done—to make that request.” His eyes closed, and his head stiffly jerked to the side in a reactive twitch to my mouth on his claw.
I released him from my lips. “I don’t need to know. I am giving myself to you unconditionally.” I whispered, kissing the blunt curve of his knuckle.
His lids lifted to reveal two otherworldly orbs of molten amber overtaking everything from pupils to whites. “Faeryn, I don’t want you to regret this. I don’t want to cause you harm.” Graysen’s deep voice had grown monstrous, reverberating as if coming from all directions. The room was dark, but his body had a luminosity to it that threatened to fill the space.
“Stop behaving for once!” I begged, pounding a fist into his solid chest. “Don’t I deserve to just exist without having you measure how every single thing could endanger me?” Tears of desperation welled in my eyes. “I’m not afraid of this world. I’m not afraid of its people. And I’m not fucking afraid ofyou.”
A hot palm pressed against my throat, shoving me into the brick wall with controlled power. His body caged mine in, unreadable orbs gazing down at me, and his fanged mouth sending smoky campfire breaths across my skin.
“Some caution would do you good, Little Fae.”
“I consent to not knowing,” I repeated with a gulp, my knees trembling in anticipation. “I consent to being hurt. I consent to you, Graysen.” I gasped for air against his clutch. “Please. Stop being gentle with me.”
He leaned down, pressing his jaw to mine to whisper in my ear, “Do you remember your safe word?”
“Rouge.” My lips quivered, my body threatening to collapse underneath him.
“That’s right, baby girl.”
With his free hand, Graysen snatched my wrists from his chest, lifting and pinning them over my head against the rough brick. His mouth met mine, immediately shoving in his powerfulforked tongue to wrestle with my own. I ran the tip of my tongue between the split that had pleased me so generously before, immediately feeling my clit throb at the memory. I sucked his lower lip into my mouth and nibbled, eliciting a hungry growl from his chest before he forced his fork back between my lips to lick the blunt edges of my teeth.
I tried to pull my hands down, desperate to explore his body. But the more I strained against his hold, the tighter his grip became, sharp claws pricking into the delicate skin of my wrists. I was at his mercy, taking in every sensation he forced on me as he began to suck along my jawline. He shoved a knee between my thighs, which I eagerly ground against as my only outlet to appease the relentless pulsing of my clit. I whimpered helplessly as I chased stimulation through the fabric of our clothing.
“Somebody is impatient,” his gravelly voice muttered against my throat.
“Stop teasing me,” I moaned through clenched teeth as I continued rolling my hips.
