She smiled softly and plopped down in the bed.
I lay on my back beside her, and she wiggled her way under my arm to rest her cheek on my chest. I assisted in tugging the comforter over us while her feet rubbed together against my leg in a self-soothing motion. Faeryn’s palm found its way up my stomach, finally resting over where my heart pounded for her.
“Are you okay?” she asked. Her voice had softened with that gentle quiet of oncoming sleep.
“Of course.” Her long silence was accusatory. “I was very afraid I’d hurt you.” More than that, I was afraid I had caused her harm inanyway. Although the fire had been the more obvious concern, I couldn’t help but feel uncertain after what we had done. Did she regret it? Should I have set more boundaries? I didn’t want to burden her with the complicated emotions I was battling every day.
“You take great care of me, Graysen.” It was as if she could hear the agony of my inner turmoil. Her soft lips pressed into my skin gently.
It felt wrong not to utter the three words that choked in my throat. Her faith was worth more than I could ever repay. She had trusted me with her well-being. Her body. And as her breathing became drowsy against me, I wondered if she was trusting me with something far more dangerous than anything I might light on fire. I was desperate to express my gratitude through confessions of the heart, but that would be selfish. The kindest thing I could do for Faeryn right now was let her drift off to sleep: warm, safe, and pleasured in my arms.
Faeryn
“Come home,” the abyss called to me again, the same motherly and gentle voice as every other night. I had grown exhausted by it.
“Who are you?” I asked quietly. The rush of yearning flooding my veins was tiresome. The adrenaline was an unwelcome guest in my body.
“We miss you.”
“I don’t know how to get to you,” I mumbled bluntly.
I knew there would be no purpose in the exploration of the white nothingness. For once, I sat down on the ground and hugged my arms. I would wake up soon enough. Now it was a matter of keeping my head straight until the flood of sensation passed.
“Come home.”
“Tell me where home is.” I found myself feeling passively argumentative. What a waste to spend my time haunted by an unknown entity, with an indeterminate quest, to find an uncertain relief.
“We are all waiting for you.” The voice grew distant. I hoped it was a sign of my waking.
I took in a steadying breath. “I don’t know how. Whoever you are, I can’t get to you right now. I just can’t. Okay?” My teeth ground together as the familiar burning sensation filled my veins.
A brief vision of Graysen’s glowing eyes flashed through my mind. The floral air of Eitrea Island filled my memories. I knew that contentment awaited beyond these cursed echoes of my past.
“Look.” I summoned as much strength as possible. “I’ll find you when you tell me how. Until then, I’m going to try and make happiness where I’m at. I hope you understand.” I felt as though guilt should consume me. I didn’t know who I was disregarding; they could be precious. But to Faeryn, as I knew myself, this voice meant nothing more than lost sleep and an unwanted distraction from the reality I now was certain was real.
My eyes opened to another day. Silver light poured through the open window and made the dusting of accumulated snow crystals on Graysen’s floor sparkle. I lay angled between my side and my stomach, with my legs overlapping and my hands curled to my chest. Soft flannel ran down the backs of my bare thighs, and heat seeped through my shirt. Graysen had wrapped himself fully around me. My head was pinned between his bicep, which functioned as a pillow, and his face, which was buried into my neck. His black hair sloppily lay across my cheek, and his warm breath tickled my throat, contrasting the sharp chill whistling through the window. His upper arm wrapped over my shoulder securely, and a large hand cupped my breast.I couldn’t help but think I would feel smothered if it weren’t so comforting to wake from my nightmare in his protective cage.
Vague memories of last night rose to the forefront of my mind as the disorientation of sleep wore off. I hadn’tintendedto lose my inhibitions, but I wasn’t exactly opposed to it either. The fact was that our little “date”—if I dared call it that—was the first time I had felt like myself since returning to the Western Continent. Even though otherworldly bartending hardly felt like a core personality trait of mine, being the kind of woman to learn something novel with open-mindedness, curiosity, and excitement felt correct.
What happened between us last night, when our defenses were lowered, was a surprisingly welcome relief. I’d been miserable since putting up new walls to keep Graysen out. He had been nothing but kind and patient for the last week, but I could see it wearing on him as much as myself. The silent meals, separated sleeping arrangements, and passive interactions had done more damage to my progress in self-actualization than I predicted. That alone had caused me distress; my personality couldn’t be formed strictly in reliance on my constant companion. Maybe, now that I had a job and social events to attend on the horizon, I felt like I could open up again.
Once the forced distance had dropped, my soul had crashed into his. Despite the parallels, the feeling was far different from the desperate craving of my nightmares. Instead of longing to run to an unknown to escape torment, I was pursuing it to embracebelonging. Whoever Graysen was—whoever I was—there was no denying that it felt as though we were connected intrinsically. It was as if we could be whole as individuals, but intertwine ouractualized spirits to create something magnificent and sentient. A living, breathing entity of fulfillment.
I supposed, on some level, I hoped connecting physically would allow that budding sense of completion to bloom. Once the chaos of the night subsided, I was alittledisappointed we couldn’t really, truly, become one. I yearned for him to fill every inch of me. I wanted to feel his pulse throb inside my core and our rhythms to synchronize symbolically. Instead, I looked into the glowing eyes of my fallen angel of fire and was surprised when the world began to burn.
Seeing Graysen’s natural form—or at least what I assumed to be close to it—was awe-inspiring. He looked like the deities he spent so much time describing to me, the gods of his culture. The muted orange light that came from him had swallowed his features, and what remained of his face was two glowing bronze orbs, the russet shadows of his cheekbones, the indents where his dimples pulled. His jaw had been able to unhinge somewhat unnaturally, that marvelously dense rouge tongue squeezing past predatory white teeth. Images of being bent over that granite countertop with his claws sinking into my back flashed through my mind, although I wascertainthat hadn’t occurred the night before. Talk about a deliciously vivid daydream: I would manifest it for the future.
As much as I wanted to continue reminiscing, my bladder ached. I had forgotten to stop at the restroom after all of the distractions, and I had drunk my weight in alcohol. I had to get ready for work at some point, anyway. Graysen indicated it would start midday, and there were still several hours to refresh myself on my newly acquired bartending knowledge.
I placed my hand over Graysen’s, trying to gently lift it from my bosom. A soft snarl panted into my ear as his fingers gripped my curves. His weight shifted further onto me, covering my body with his own.
“Graysen,” I groaned, feeling uncomfortably pinned at this point in addition to my need to pee immediately. “Graysen,” I repeated firmly with increased volume.
His hand relaxed, and the mattress groaned under his mass as he rolled back. “Fae,” he hummed, rubbing his face with his hands. “Good morning.”
“I need to step out and start my day,” I warned, already rising to hurry down the hallway.
He peered beneath his dark lashes at me. “Of course.” He cleared his throat with a husky grunt. “I’ll go start breakfast.”
