Page 34 of Elegy of Twilight


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The odd thing was that I sensed her, and it only added to my frustration. Was she behind the knights who tortured me, looking on from above while I drowned in pain? Was she aware of what was happening?

They flayed my flesh with blades, beat me with whips, and punched my face until my nose and jaw were bruised and broken. Then they threw me into a black hole where I let darkness surround me, seeking relief from the torment of the flesh and of my mind.

But there was none.

Then, she appeared. The strength in her voice frightened me, the determination as she came down, unaware of what had happened, determined to save me. But the violence done against me had sent me reeling back to my savage days, and while I could stand, I wasn’t healed enough to hoist myself up and wreak havoc on my tormentors.

So when she came down, claiming she could heal me, I reverted to the old version of myself. Self-destructive in my self-preservation. Stinking and wet and bloody and broken, I snatched her as though she were a meal and sank my teeth into her neck.

As soon as I started sucking her blood, I felt herstiffen against me, her body ripe with fear, and oh, it was delicious. The animalistic side of me took over, and I drank deeply.

As blood moved through my body, the pain ebbed away, the brokenness began to heal, and my reason returned. She was light and love, my moon goddess whose presence was like a healing balm, who drove out the darkness within and made me feel as though I didn’t need to live as a cursed man.

But here I was, repeating the mistakes of the past and treating her like a sacrifice. I’d kill her with my feeding, and there would be no future except for the knowledge that my accusers had won.

Again.

They thought me vile, evil, the reason the vampires plagued the land. Little did they know that I was trying to get rid of them too.

Taking all my willpower, I forced myself to stop, lips still pressed against her neck. Slowly, I forced myself to release my hold on her, my mouth wet as I pulled back. She trembled in my arms, misery and fear plain on her face, though I didn’t think she could see me as clearly in the darkness as I could see her.

My heart sank because I’d done the worst. I’dconfirmed all her fears and wiped out the fragile trust between us with one action.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I. . .they broke me, and I needed blood to heal.”

Her voice trembled, broken. “Why didn’t you ask?”

Shame enveloped me, and no words would come, even as my body knit together again as the blood took hold.

Lucia pushed on, a sob in her voice. “Titus, one of my friends was brutally murdered. They found her on the doorstep of the abbey, throat ripped open. It was bloody, it was terrible, and I want to believe you’re not capable of such an action. But right now, I’m afraid, and I don’t want to set you free only for it to be a terrible mistake.”

“Then leave me,” I whispered, anguish climbing into my soul. I didn’t deserve this life. I didn’t deserve her. “But if you do, my brother will win.”

“Is he the one responsible?”

“I was with you that night, Lucia. But after what I just did, you’ll believe me capable of anything. Remember our time together in the woods, the one day and one night we spent together. That was me. The true me. Who I could be without the darkness pressing in. I was a desperate fool just now, and yes,in the past, I used to take blood without asking, to help me live. But then you came along, and I no longer felt the need, the urge. Even now, standing in your presence, the need continues to recede. If there is any faith, any forgiveness left in your heart for me, set me free, and I will take the knights to the den of vampires. I will take them to the vampire king.”

“How can I trust your word? You just bit me? The one unforgivable action, the one thing that damned you to be a lord of the night.”

“I’m not asking you to trust me. All I’m asking is for you to have faith. What I did was wrong, so let me do one action that is right before I end my days. Let me save you, and I’ll sacrifice myself and leave you in peace. I’d hoped your light would be enough, but my darkness is a stain. It’s evil and corruption, and it creeps everywhere. My brother was right to warn you about me. I am the darkness that destroys all, and in time, I will destroy you, too. But I will hold off just a little longer. All I ask is that you give me one last chance.”

Tears streamed down Lucia’s cheeks, mingling with the smear of blood I’d left on her neck. She lifted a hand to the chain and called. “Edith, we’re coming up.”

17

LUCIA

Edith had once said, love wasn’t selfish or self-serving, and I felt the potent need in his words, the regret and hopelessness tinged with a deep and abiding pain. I knew this man as I knew my own soul, and in time I would forgive him, but that didn’t mean that I trusted him.

As we climbed back up to Edith, I refused to think about the choice I’d have to make. I was a priestess of Veilix, one who walked in the light, one aware of magic now. This was but a moment in time that helped me fully, deeply understand the vows I’d taken. The future was hard enough to see, but I could focus on the here and now, the promise of defeating the vampires and restoring the land to the people. The night was beautiful, dark, and lovely, litwith starlight. It was not fair that with twilight came fear.

By the time I scrambled out of the hole, I was filthy, and the wretched stink of the pit clung to me like garden slugs. In the low light, I could see Titus clearly, and his appearance broke my heart. He’d claimed to need my blood for healing, and if it had done its work, I could not tell. Both his eyes were black and swollen, his nose crooked, his jaw puffy, and his clothes covered in patches of sticky blood. He bent over, catching his breath, and I wasn’t sure how he was even on his feet. The fact that he’d bitten me seemed the least of our problems now that he was in the light.

I pivoted toward Edith, who was staring at him, horror on her face. “How could they do this?”

I imagined she and Captain Elroy would have words tonight. “Are the halls clear? I want to take him to my room.”

Edith turned her expression of horror to me now. She shook her head. “No, you need to take him to the sacred waters. Let him heal there.”