“Accept our gift, heart, or risk ruin.”Their words are a threat in the back of my head, rumbling hard enough to make my knees buckle.
“Yikes,” Ramón whispers loudly to the ghoul whose name I haven’t bothered to learn yet. I know he isn’t a threat.
“Are you staying or not?” Deg’Doriel’s voice cuts through the staring match I am having with Delphini.
“I’m leaving,” she says.
We all watch her walk out. The door clicks softly behind her with such finality that it makes me shudder. Problem solved. She realises I can’t be her soul mate. She can’t be what I want. She is leaving of her own volition. Love’s presence is missing from my thoughts, though; they’ve gone out the door with their new plaything.
Why is there a more profound, aching sense of loss settling on my chest, then? A strong storm has taken out a light in my life. The ghost of her presence is a haunting darkness. I am alone at last, but I want to claw open my chest to make sure something else hasn’t been taken from me.
“Not sure I could handle my princess walking around like that outta my sight.” Ramón comments. “Can’t scare the idiots away.”
“Shut the fuck up, Ray.” I turn and chase after Delphini.
Chapter twelve
Orthia
7 Days
Sheisoutofmy sight for mere moments, but it is like icy water has been dumped over my head. My skin prickles with goosebumps. I have to grit my teeth together to keep them from chattering. Delphini is gone and my blood freezes over. All the warmth of my soul disappeared when she left me. There is no reason to claw my chest open when I know what is missing.
I must find her. This shake in my hands, this shiver that cycles up and down my spine commands my instincts to find warmth. It has me racing through the empty side streets to the train station. As much as I didn’t want her on my ship, I was never far from her. It never occurred to me that this would be the consequence of her leaving.
My body is dying without her near me. I must find her. Pain sears in my muscles at the mere thought that she will go where I can’t find her. My body is weak from Love’s use of it, their power feeding off me during the summoning.
What if I can’t catch up with her?
I push harder, every moment we have spent together in the past five days rushes through my thoughts. Every soft good morning, the way she whispered my name, the sass that coated her tongue as she called me captain. The words echo in my skull like prayers bouncing off the walls of a temple.
The doubt that leaked into my every action now floods my lungs until I am drowning. With heaving breaths, I can feel hers on my lips again. The heat of her body as her knees bent to me like she wanted me to push forward until our mouths met. The look of hope on her face when I told her we would be going out.
Delphini beats me to the train. As I step onto the empty platform, I see her leaning against a pole. I curse the gods and myself for this. She better be going back to the fucking ship. I pace up and down the platform while I wait for the next train. My fingers dig into the meat of my chest the longer we are apart.
Does she not feel this pain?
Beyond the fact that certain people believe she is dead, she is also a young woman with no phone or money. My mind spirals out of control with thoughts of her alone. This is wildly unsafe of her, and it’s my fault. Does she not care about her personal safety any more? Maybe she has never cared and that is what got her killed in the first place.
The next train arrives, and I take a seat by the doors. No one else is in this car. I close my eyes and try to connect with Love. I visualise them, their eyes, their tentacles, but nothing comes to me. They remain silent, but I keep meditating, focusing on them, my anger, and the raging oceans far from the Docklands.
We are all angry tonight.
“My Love, speak with me,” I whisper.
“We have given you a gift, heart, yet you throw it away.”Their voice multiplies and echoes in my skull so harshly tears come to my eyes. They leak down my cheeks, but I keep them closed, trying to stay with this connection while it lasts, even if it drains me further.
“She isn’t meant for us.”
“She is you, but your hatred for your own kind has blinded you.”
“No. I am not one of them.”
“And neither is she.”
Their silence is jarring and loud when they leave me again. My eyes flutter open as the tears leak from them, and I scrub them away with the sleeve of my shirt. Delphini wants to be mine, then fine. She shall be mine, and she shall be a part of the crew.
She will see the error in her ways.
