‘That sounds like something Jennifer would have on a mouse mat,’ Ethan says with a smile, lightening the mood a little.
‘The worst thing of all though…’
‘It gets worse?’ he replies in disbelief.
‘Yeah! The worst thing of all is that they’ve moved their wedding day, last minute because Chester’s gran is superstitious or something, and the date they have moved it to is my birthday – my thirtieth birthday, no less – but absolutely no one has mentioned it. I don’t know if they don’t care, or they’ve forgotten, but either way I’m fuming.’
‘None of that is cool. I’m sorry,’ he says sincerely. ‘But so much makes sense now – when I saw you with the vagina neck guy, I started to worry about you, like you’d gone off the rails, like you were going to extreme lengths to find a man who gave you as wild a time as I did.’
I smile. He’s obviously joking about that last part.
‘You say that but, hey, it’s almost true,’ I point out. ‘You fit the bill almost perfectly. You’re fun, you’re chaotic, I have a good time with you, they wouldhateyou…’
‘Oh, stop, you’re going to give me a big head,’ he says with a touch of playful sarcasm.
‘Well, they would,’ I say with a laugh. ‘You’re a lot like me, in all the ways they hate.’
‘Take me with you then,’ he suggests.
‘What?’ I blurt. ‘No, that’s okay, you don’t need to do that. I’ve got this one guy, Joseph, who is willing to pretend to be what I need – a free holiday to Sydney will motivate anyone to do anything.’
‘I want a free holiday to Sydney,’ he says with a shrug. ‘Take me. I feel like I’m the man for the job.’
Right, except the problem with Ethan is that while he may be absolutely perfect to cause chaos and piss everyone off, it’s that I actually like him, and want him, and when we get together there is too much chaos. Even in separate hotel rooms, I don’t know, if we keep our distance we’re fine but if we – pardon the pun – rub together, we’re like two sticks. Everything goes up in flames.
‘No, honestly, I think I’m better with someone things are… easier with,’ I continue.
‘You think we make a mess when we get together, right?’ he says, and I nod. ‘So, okay, I get that, we need to stick to being mates. But there’s no reason we can’t pretend to be together, to go on the free holiday, have a blast. I really, really want to go.’
As fun as it would be to go with him, even if we could pull off keeping things platonic, it’s just too much of a risk.
‘Don’t you have to work?’ I reply. ‘Are you not doing something for Jennifer?’
‘I work remotely,’ he tells me. ‘I’m free as a bird.’
I think for a second but, no, I need to stop entertaining the idea. Ethan is too much trouble.
‘Thanks,’ I say, trying to sound like I mean it – I do appreciate the offer, after all. ‘But no thanks.’
Ethan scoots across the floor, until he’s sitting on the edge of my mattress.
‘Have you booked a ticket for this Joseph?’ he asks. ‘For the flight?’
‘Not yet,’ I admit. ‘It was a while ago when they told me, but Seph and Chester said they had reserved two seats for me, and I would just need to work with the wedding planner, and they would sort the paperwork and put the seats in the right name. So there is a seat reserved next to me, it just needs booking in the right name.’
‘Okay, makes sense,’ he replies. ‘And what about a visa?’
‘Hmm?’
‘Presumably you have a visa to visit Australia?’ he checks.
‘Erm, yeah,’ I reply. ‘The wedding planner basically did all of that.’
‘The wedding planner did that for you,’ he replies. ‘What about your plus-one?’
‘Oh, erm, I guess we would sort that when we sorted the ticket?’ I say, audibly draining in confidence as my sentence goes on.
‘You thought you were going to get a visa for a plus-one today?’ he says, raising an eyebrow.
