17
‘Come on then, spill the beans,’ Faye says, her voice echoing slightly in the fitting room area. She and Molly are lounging on a bench just outside the dressing room, where I’m currently trying on what feels like the millionth dress of the day.
‘Not great,’ I call back from behind the curtain. ‘Honestly, it actually went worse than I was expecting it to.’
‘You got in though, right?’ Faye checks.
‘You didn’t get turned away for not having a gold-plated handbag or something?’ Molly jokes.
‘Oh, yeah, I got in,’ I reply. ‘That wasn’t the issue at all. I wasn’t expecting much, I had managed expectations. I was just hoping to find someone obnoxious enough to take to Seph’s wedding, who would out-rich them and out-posh them and make me feel better about the whole thing.’
‘So, what happened?’ Molly asks, almost excitedly.
‘I was wandering around the club, feeling like a complete ghost because no one was even looking at me. I went to the bar, I ordered a drink – it cost £32.’
‘Daylight robbery,’ Molly replies.
‘I nearly spat it back out, in shock, but it was too expensive to waste,’ I joke. ‘Anyway, I’m standing there, trying to figure out how I’m going to talk to anyone, when this guy approaches me.’
‘Finally!’ Molly says. ‘Who was he? Was he hot?’
‘Well, that’s the thing,’ I say, pausing for dramatic effect. ‘It wasn’t just some random guy. It was Fergus… my sister’s ex-boyfriend.’
‘No!’ Faye shrieks.
‘Yep,’ I confirm. ‘He comes over, all smiles, and starts chatting like we’re old friends. Offers to buy me a drink, which I obviously accepted because there was no way I was paying for another one of those overpriced cocktails.’
‘What happened next?’ Molly asks – honestly, she’s enjoying this way too much.
‘We sat down, had a little chat, and then out of nowhere, he tells me he’s always thought I was “interesting” and “beautiful”. And then he offered to be my date to the wedding.’
‘No way!’ Faye exclaims. ‘That is unhinged.’
‘I know, right? I mean, on the one hand, turning up with Seph’s ex would definitely make a statement. But on the other hand, it just felt… wrong, you know? Like, I want to piss them off, but I don’t want to actually hurt anyone. That’s not me,’ I explain.
‘You’re right,’ Molly says. ‘But seriously, what was he thinking? That sounds so awkward.’
‘I know,’ I say, laughing a little. ‘And to make things worse, he tried to kiss me.’
‘The audacity of men,’ Faye says.
‘I had to pull back and tell him that was definitely not happening,’ I continue. ‘He told me I was crazy and that if he were me, he’d burn Seph’s wedding to the ground.’
‘Oh my God,’ Molly says with a gasp. ‘That’s intense.’
‘Yeah, I could have really used that fake phone-call app everyone at work thinks is so stupid,’ I joke. ‘It would’ve been perfect for that moment.’
Faye snorts.
‘Forget the phone call, you needed an ex-orcist,’ she quips.
We all burst out laughing at that.
‘So, it’s back to the drawing board, I guess,’ I tell them with a sigh, smoothing out the dress, almost ready to step out and show them.
‘Maybe you’re not out of options just yet,’ Molly says. ‘What about Redflags?’
‘What do you mean?’ I ask, frowning slightly.
