“Ooh, using your fancy French on us,” she said.
I laughed. “Only the best for you guys.”
Connor pulled me into a hug. “Take care,” he said. “And I’m only a phone call away.”
I nodded and released him. “I know. Thanks. But don’t even think about me. Have a great time and send photos.”
They assured me they would. I turned to Killian and Eden, expecting them to leave right behind Ava and Connor. Instead, Eden declared that she needed to use the bathroom and Killian shut my apartment door. It felt planned and deliberate. Eden disappeared into my bedroom and Killian jerked his chin toward my balcony.
I stifled a groan. Not another speech. First Tate and now Killian?
I followed him outside and he closed the glass doors and leaned against the railing with his arms crossed. This pose looked all too familiar.
“What’s going on?” he said.
“You’ll have to be more specific.”
He ran his hand through his hair and let out a breath. “I stopped by to see you last night. Thought you might be…fuck it,” he said, sounding angry. “I was worried about you.”
He was waiting for an explanation. He’d been worried about me and wanted to know where I’d gone. I crossed my arms over my chest and gripped my upper lip between my teeth. Last night, I had vowed to come clean, to stop lying to everyone. This was my chance to do the right thing. All my life I’d been lied to, and when I found out the truth about my father and all the things my parents had kept from me, I had been angry and hurt and resentful. I had also felt like an idiot for not seeing things that were right in front of my face, so it was unfair to do the same thing to people I loved. The people who loved me and were there for me.
I took a deep breath. Why was it so much easier to tell lies than to tell the truth? “I lied to you.” Something flickered in his eyes. The muscle in his jaw ticked, but he remained silent, waiting for me to continue. “That money didn’t come from selling my designer items.”
“Where did it come from?”
“Street racing.”
I’d expected him to be angry or to lecture me. Instead, he rubbed the back of his neck and nodded, his voice calm and measured, maybe lulling me into a false sense of security before he lost his shit. “How long have you been doing it?”
“Since January. But last night I quit. I won’t be doing it again.” I didn’t give him the details, but if Deacon wasn’t involved, I would tell him everything. Maybe. Or maybe not. If he knew that Tyler had threatened me back in June, but I’d paid it no heed and had gone back last night, he’d be just as pissed as Deacon.
“I was a fighter,” he said, telling me something I already knew. “That was my thing. I thought that I could punch and kick my way out of all the shit in my life…” He looked down at his hands and flexed them. “I killed a man. It was an accident. But it doesn’t change the outcome. He was my friend. My mentor. He was a good man who had a wife with a baby on the way. He never even got the chance to see his baby and now that little boy has no father. Because of me.”
“Killian, that wasn’t your fault.”
“That’s not why I’m telling you this.”
I nodded and closed my mouth, waiting for him to go on.
“You can’t punch your way out of a shitty situation or drive fast enough to outrun it.”
“What can you do?”
“What you did took a lot of guts. You were brave to do that. And I’m not talking about street racing. That’s for dumb shits.”
I laughed because Deacon had said the same thing.
“But now you have to find a way to live with it. Which isn’t easy. And you have to find a way to fix the broken pieces inside you. I don’t know how you do that. Everyone has to find their own way. But I can tell you that street racing won’t fix a damn thing.”
I swallowed hard. He was right, but unfortunately, he couldn’t tell me how to do what needed to be done. There was no magic bullet. No easy fix.
“Anything else you want to share?” He raised his brows. Very little got past Killian. I had a weird feeling he knew more than he was letting on.
“I would but I can’t. Not yet anyway. Just…trust me…I’m not doing anything wrong or dangerous or illegal.”
He narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out if he should believe me.
“I promise. It’s just…I have to keep this to myself for a while.”
