Entering the next train carriage, I realised I couldn’t buy myself something to eat even if I’d really wanted to. My purse was in my rucksack in the boot of Gideon’s car.
Plonking myself down on the first seat I came to, I swiped at my eyes, refusing to let Gideon’s selfishness reduce me to tears. I wished more than ever that I’d stayed at home. Christmas alone was way better than the situation I’d found myself in.
I was damned if I was spending it with Gideon. He had humiliated me beyond belief. But as I put my elbows on my knees and dropped my head into my hands, I knew I didn’t have a choice. With no train back and nowhere to go, without Gideon, I was stranded.
Recalling Erin’s offer to spend Christmas with her, I straightened myself up and reaching into my bag for my mobile, brought up her number. I was sure if I rang and explained, Erin wouldn’t hesitate to come and collect me. Desperate for help, I pressed the call button and waited for her to answer.
As the ring tone continued, I chewed on the inside of my cheek, picturing Erin and her mum Maeve settled in front of the TV. Erin had already explained how much Maeve loved the King’s College Choir. The two of them watching Carols from King’s with a bottle of Baileys was a Christmas Eve tradition clearly too important to interrupt.
Taking the phone away from my ear, I ended the call, but my thumb hovered as I considered trying again. Aware that Erin’s interview preparations already impinged on their celebrations, it didn’t seem fair of me to encroach on her and Maeve further. I sighed and letting my thumb land, swiped the screen clear instead.
Resigned to putting up with Gideon until at least Boxing Day, I put my mobile away again and shifting over to the window seat, pulled my coat tight across my chest. I leant my head against the glass. ‘Merry Christmas, Hattie,’ I said to my reflection, feeling sorry for myself.
The carriage doors swished open, and Alex appeared. He dumped his rucksack on the floor and sitting down next to me, placed his pencil and pad in the space between us. ‘I wanted to make sure you’re all right,’ he said.
I scoffed. ‘Shouldn’t that be Gideon’s job?’
Alex’s expression remained deadpan. ‘I don’t think he can move because of his full belly.’
I burst out laughing, Alex’s humour being just what I needed. ‘Thank you,’ I said, as we both sat chuckling.
‘For what?’
‘For being you.’ I shifted round to face him. ‘How do you do it?’
Alex looked at me bemused.
‘It’s like you’ve got this innate ability to lighten a mood. To make things seem better.’
Alex shrugged. ‘Lots of practice, I suppose.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘Don’t tell me. Being the only man in a house full of women is…’
‘Character building? An endurance test? You wouldn’t believe the dramas I’ve been privy to.’
I looked at Alex direct. ‘Is that what you think I’m being? Dramatic.’
‘Nope. You should be proud of yourself. You showed great restraint back there.’ Alex held my gaze, but whatever he was thinking, he shook himself out of it. ‘You must be starving by now.’ He placed his hands on his knees as if getting ready to move. ‘Why don’t I go and see if I can find some food?’
I gathered myself too. ‘I couldn’t face anything. My appetite’s gone.’
‘A coffee then? Who knows how long we’re going to be stuck in this snow.’ He stood up. ‘The caffeine might come in handy.’
Watching him head off, I appreciated Alex’s presence. He didn’t have to look out for me; he’d chosen to. Unlike my so-called boyfriend, who was too busy thinking about his own needs to consider mine. I wondered if Gideon had always been like that and thanks to my grief or some subconscious deep-rooted fear of being alone, I just hadn’t seen it. I took a deep breath and exhaled. Considering my predicament, those were questions for another day.
Alex’s sketch pad caught my eye and picking it up, I turned to the first page. Marvelling at Alex’s artistic ability, it was hard to believe he hadn’t been to art school.
Flicking through it, I smiled at a picture of Ted who, pint in hand, sat at the bar in The Royal Oak. The deep wrinkles in his forehead, his bushy grey eyebrows and permanent frown… Every aspect of his face was drawn in such detail, I could have been forgiven for thinking I was looking at a photograph.
My heart melted as I landed on a sketch of me, Erin and Joyce, obviously drawn at one of our recent Crochet Club meet-ups. It was a perfect representation of the three of us. Joyce, with her woeful expression, had to be complaining about Richard, while Erin, holding a glass in one hand and pointing a finger with the other, was, without doubt, talking about Callum. I put a hand up to my head, frowning as I homed in on myself. Looking at the state of my hair, Alex clearly didn’t believe in artistic licence.
Each drawing was signed and dated and image after image, the pad was like a pictorial diary of Alex’s life and the people he came across.
Flipping through the pages my breath suddenly caught, and my hand stopped still. I took in the couple before me. Him, eyes glistening and expression playful. Her, arm outstretched on the table so that their hands almost touched. It’s often said that every picture tells a story, and Alex had demonstrated this one all too clearly. Absorbing every last detail, I even knew the location – Le Bonsoir. A place so expensive that despite us going Dutch, Gideon refused to set foot in the place again. My pulse raced. Yet there he was committed to paper with Julia.
My eyes fell on the date the sketch was drawn. Unable to believe my stupidity, it was the night we’d arranged to see the special cinema screening ofIt’s a Wonderful Life. I’d fallen for his lie about having to work late and sat alone in the theatre, swallowing my disappointment, trying to convince myself that Gideon’s absence didn’t matter. My heart pounded. Out wining and dining, oh, how the two of them must have laughed at me.
When it came to Gideon, it seemed my foolishness knew no bounds and I let the sketch pad drop as realisation dawned. My eyes widened. Gideon’s behaviour towards Alex wasn’t a result of jealousy. It came from a place of fear. Gideon was scared Alex might reveal his and Julia’s secret.
