CHAPTER23
Isat in silence at the kitchen table staring out of the window. Gran’s favourite view, but I couldn’t make anything out thanks to the evening darkness. Staring out into the pitch black, I wondered what she’d make of the mess I’d got myself into. If ever I needed Gran’s advice it was then.
My phone lay in front of me and awaiting a text from Erin, I checked the screen for the umpteenth time. A part of me could have done without the evening ahead. However, desperate for a diversion, another part wished Erin would hurry up and land so I could get out of my own head.
I’d never experienced the instant attraction I’d had for Alex. I got butterflies just thinking about him. His playful personality, kindness and sense of family were wrapped up in the most handsome and enticing of packages. But I had to wonder if his allure would’ve been the same had I not felt neglected?
I bristled, aware that the issues between Gideon and me were going from bad to worse. It was no longer simply about a lack of attention. Thanks to his surreptitious trip to the Christmas market, whatever kind of relationship Gideon had with Julia, we’d well and truly gone into the realms of mistrust. Even if Gideon did seem to have an answer for everything.
Not that I considered myself blameless. Gideon had seen me through the worst experience of my life. He’d given me structure and a sense of calm in what had felt like chaos and how did I repay him?
Anyone would think you owed the man, Gran said.Relationships aren’t credit agreements, Hattie. There’s no score to be kept. The last thing you should feel isindebtedto Gideon.
Gran might have had a point, but that didn’t make me innocent. As far as I was concerned, in almost kissing Alex I’d crossed a line.
My phone bleeped, pulling me out of my reverie. Erin’s text let me know she’d parked up and would meet me outside, so I put on my coat and bobble hat, grabbed my bag for life full of goodies and made my way down to the street.
Locking the shop door behind me, I glanced around, taking in Settledown’s festive lights and window displays as I waited for Erin to arrive. Recalling the Yuletide frivolity I’d shared with Gran, I wondered if Christmas would ever feel the same again. I’d known the previous year, my first without her, was always going to be hard. But I’d navigated my way through it, all the while telling myself the following year would be easier. I sighed. That following year was upon me and it already felt wrong.
My eyes settled on The Royal Oak in the distance. I guessed Alex was behind the bar, pencil in hand, sketching the customers around him. Stood there torn and confused, I damned the brewery for its reshuffle.
‘Great minds think alike,’ Erin said.
I spun round to see my friend approach.
‘You’ve brought snacks too.’ She indicated her own bag of delights. ‘If Richard’s cooking is as bad as Joyce claims, at least we won’t starve.’
I smiled as we set off towards the town square. Determined to hide my unhappiness, the last thing I wanted was to spoil everyone’s evening.
‘Everything okay?’ Erin asked.
I evidently wasn’t hiding it well enough.
I realised Erin had suddenly stopped walking and coming to a standstill with her, I could see by her raised eyebrows that my friend wanted answers. Hesitating, I wasn’t sure sharing my woes was a good idea. One word in front of Joyce and my whole sorry tale would be out in the open. I’d be the subject of gossip and before I knew it, when it came to me, Gideon and Alex, the key word on the street would bepolyandrous.
But I needed to talk to someone.
‘Everything’s such a mess,’ I said. ‘And I don’t know what to do about it.’
Erin’s face relaxed. ‘Fancy a drink?’ She gestured to The Royal Oak.
I fast shook my head.
‘Okay.’ She glanced around and spotting a park bench, linked her arm in mine. ‘Come on.’ Leading me straight to it, we sat down on the frost-covered pew. She reached into her bag, and pulling out a pack of six mince pies, ripped it open, taking out one for me and one for herself. ‘Is this to do with Gideon, by any chance?’ she asked, biting into hers.
I let out a dry laugh. ‘And the rest.’ I took a deep breath, not sure where to start. ‘You know how he’s been distant? Always working and not putting time aside for me.’
Continuing to eat, Erin nodded.
‘Then he met Alex, and he seemed to change. Well, the other night at the restaurant, I thought he was going to propose.’
Erin immediately swallowed. ‘Really?’
‘I mean, I don’t know for sure because he didn’t get chance to finish, but it certainly sounded that way.’
‘Is marriage what you want?’
‘If you’d have asked me that a few weeks ago I’d have said definitely.’
