‘I mean look at that tree.’ Gideon indicated a corner of the room. ‘It must have cost a fortune. An outlay, I’m betting, has been passed on to us the customer.’
I took in the massive Christmas pine with its coordinated red and gold adornments. Twinkling like the Milky Way thanks to metre upon metre of fairy lights, its tinsel was thicker than some of the scarves I’d knitted. I might have agreed with Gideon regarding its potential cost, but anything less would have looked pathetic and out of keeping. I sighed, wishing that for once Gideon would recognise not everything came down to pounds and pence. I cringed, thinking about my bank balance. The way Gideon was talking, he was definitely going to announce we were going halves.
I turned my attention to the waiters who, in their black waistcoats and white shirts, were efficiency personified. Gliding between tables, they topped up glasses, set down mouth-watering dishes, and chatted with clientele, making sure they wanted for nothing. Like a finely tuned group dance formation, they were graceful and coordinated.
Our table was equally elegant with its crisp white cloth and thick cotton napkins. Our glasses sparkled and I readily imagined a member of staff polishing them until they shone. Silver cutlery galore, I wasn’t sure which knife, fork or spoon to use for what, and I glanced at other diners to see how they had tackled my dilemma. I vaguely recalled Gran talking about old-school etiquette, saying something along the lines of ‘outside in’. Deciding that was as good a rule as any, I realised people were too engaged in their conversations to notice any faux pas I might make.
I finally looked at the menu. From the risotto, asparagus and smoked salmon to the squash and braised spelt with hazelnut and truffle pesto, everything listed was mouth-watering. Deciding to have the ‘catch of the day’, the waiter took our order and once again we were on our own.
While I fiddled with Gran’s brooch and smoothed down my hair, Gideon played with his napkin. The time for talking had clearly arrived and he suddenly appeared as nervous as I felt. Compared to everyone around us, who amiably chatted non-stop, the silence between Gideon and I grew increasingly uncomfortable and went on for far too long.
‘So…’ we both said at the same time.
I smiled, pleased that Gideon had recognised the agony of our quietness too. ‘You go first,’ I said.
Gideon took a deep breath and placing his forearms on the table, clasped his hands. ‘I suppose I should begin with an apology for being so distant lately. Work has been hectic.’ He swiftly put a hand up. ‘I know that’s no excuse.’ He looked at me direct. ‘You deserved better.’
Gideon had been saying sorry for weeks; his pleas had started to seem like lip service. Watching him try to come up with the right words, it appeared he was, at last, taking responsibility for his actions. Perhaps our relationship had turned a much-needed corner and I could finally relax.
‘And I shouldn’t have behaved the way I did with Alex.’ Gideon looked down at his hands as if embarrassed. ‘I don’t know why I was so rude. It was totally out of character.’ He suddenly met my gaze. ‘You and I both know I’m not usually like that.’ His hands tightened around each other. ‘Actually… I do know why.’ He swallowed hard. ‘It was because…’
My phone suddenly rang from the inside of my bag. Cringing at the sound, I refused to let it interrupt the moment and ignored it. I indicated for Gideon to carry on talking, but the ringtone continued too. Whoever was calling wasn’t giving up.
Diners in our immediate vicinity frowned and feeling the weight of their stares, my cheeks reddened at the unwanted attention. Realising I had no choice but to relent, I awkwardly reached into my bag. ‘Sorry,’ I said, first to them and then to Gideon. I checked the screen. ‘It’s Joyce.’ I dismissed the call. ‘She probably wants the gossip on how we’re getting on.’ Placing my phone down on the table, I gave Gideon my full attention. ‘You were saying.’
He gathered himself again. ‘I think seeing you so relaxed in Alex’s company.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Not to mention the way that he looks at you. Well it made–’
‘Sorry?’
‘What?’ My interjection appeared to confuse Gideon.
‘Can you just rewind a bit. The way who looks at who?’
Gideon let out a laugh. ‘You can’t tell me you haven’t noticed. He obviously fancies the pants off you.’
I stared at Gideon like he’d gone mad. My phone rang for a second time and again it was Joyce. Irritated, I quickly disconnected her call and went back to focusing on Gideon, waiting for him to elaborate.
‘What I’m trying to say, I suppose, is seeing you and Alextogether…’
I put a hand up to silence him. ‘Can I get one thing straight, Gideon. Whatever you think you saw, Alex is not attracted to me, and he and I are in no waytogether.’
Gideon raised his palms. ‘Okay, okay. Whatever the situation, it’s not like it changes anything. The two of you still got me thinking. About us and about our future.’ He rubbed his forehead, evidently trying to control his frustration. ‘This isn’t going the way I planned.’ He composed himself. ‘Again, what I’m trying to say is, as couples go, you can’t get two people more opposite than us. I’m logical. I work with numbers. Spreadsheets get me excited.’
Recalling the pornographic conversation I’d overheard at his office, that was something I knew all too well.
‘And whereas I see the world in black and white, you see a kaleidoscope of colour. You’re creative and artistic. And unlike me, a real people person.’
I wondered where Gideon was going with this.
‘You’ve taught me so much and…’ He took a deep breath as if steeling himself.
My eyes widened as like a jigsaw puzzle, all the pieces started to fit together. Gideon’s jealousy, the expensive restaurant we sat in, the speech he was trying to give. The man wasn’t just marking his territory; he was digging a moat around it.
‘Hattie…’
I heard myself wince. The room suddenly went quiet and everyone and everything around us faded into nothing. I stared at Gideon, willing him not to say anything else.
Gideon cleared his throat. ‘In the eighteen months I’ve known you…’
