Stealing glances at Leo every now and then, I wondered what was running through his mind. I hated the fact neither of us knew what the other was truly thinking. With our wedding only weeks from then, that was no way for us to start our married life.
At last, Leo flicked on the car indicator and pulled into a lay-by. Bringing the car to a standstill, he switched off the engine and twisted round in his seat to face me. He sighed. “Did you mean what you said? About being done?”
I shrugged, feeling at a loss thanks to the premarital mess we were in. “Yes and no.”
“Which makes no sense whatsoever,” Leo said.
“Nothing’s as I imagined and there’s no controlling Mum. As soon as I get my head around one issue, up pops something else to contend with. She’s turned the whole thing into a circus. And then there’s you.” I paused to calm myself. “I suppose I’m confused, Leo. One minute you insist I’m overreacting and tell me Mum’s just excited and her heart’s in the right place. In the next, you’re telling me you’re on my side, as if you understand where I’m coming from.”
“I agree.”
I looked at him surprised. “You do?”
Leo nodded. “Because I think both of those things. No matter what we say, Patricia was always going to go big or go home with this wedding. It’s in her nature. She also wants you to have the wedding you deserve. You know your mum. She isn’t the type to shower you with affection. And the mood boards, the dress, all the things you listed earlier, are her way of showing you she cares. As for me, none of what your mum’s done offends me. If anything, I find her antics funny because they’re so over the top. But I also want you to have the wedding you want. What Idon’twant is you looking back with any regrets.”
I took a deep breath and no longer able to look at Leo direct, kept my eyes down. “I don’t think I can go through with it, Leo. Not the way things are.”
Leo sighed. “Me neither.”
My head shot up. Whatever I’d expected him to say, it wasn’t that. “Really?”
Leo stared at me with such an intenseness that the thought of what he might say next frightened me.
Tears threatened my eyes. “So where does this leave us?”
“Tess, I love you with all my heart and want nothing more than for us to be man and wife.”
But?
Leo might not have said that. However, the word hung in the air between us.
Leo took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “I think you’re right. The wedding we planned is nothing like the one we seem to be getting and believe it or not, I don’t want to say my vows in front of a room full of strangers either. I think we should pay your mum back any money she’ll lose and…”
“Call it off?”
As Leo nodded, my heart felt like it was breaking and despite willing them not to, my tears began to fall.
Chapter 52
A random Tuesday in August
Ilaid in bed staring at the ceiling, with images of Mum’s perfect wedding running through my mind. From waking up in a king-size bed, in a luxury suite in Gregbrook Manor, to a champagne breakfast of pastries, fresh fruits, bacon and eggs, and most importantly, fizz. My mouth watered just thinking about it.
I saw myself waiting for a hairdresser and make-up artist to arrive, ready to set up their stalls and turn me into a bridal princess, while Mum, in an adjacent room, fussed over arrangements and Dad rehearsed his father-of-the-bride speech. Sal and Ryan were discussing which items to snaffle from their quarters – shampoo, conditioner, slippers. And smiling to myself, I saw them squeezing white towelling dressing gowns into their travel bags.
Ignoring her thieving parents, India practised her walk, because it was her duty to show off a fellow dressmaker’s creation. As for Grace and Bill, in my mind’s eye they were driving down from the Lake District with Nial and Victoria.
Turning onto my side, I tucked my hands under my cheek. A part of me felt sad that none of it was to be. Not for myself, but for Mum. Hindsight was a wonderful thing, and I no longer doubted that she thought she’d had my and Leo’s best interests at heart. However, at the time, when her antics had become increasingly too much, she’d left us no choice but to cancel the whole thing. Picturing her desperateness when we told her the wedding was off, I sighed.
“But… but… You can’t,” she’d said, lost for words.
No matter how we explained, she couldn’t seem to comprehend our reasoning; I’d never seen her so distressed. I was just glad Dad was there to pick up the pieces after we’d gone.
Our decision may have affected Mum the worst, but everyone else had expressed their own kind of disappointment. Acknowledging the sadness in Dad’s eyes, I hadn’t realised how much he’d looked forward to walking me down the aisle. Taking that honour away made me feel like the worst daughter on the planet. India hadn’t only sulked, she’d turned her displeasure on Leo and stormed away from him, which was a first. Then there was Sal and Ryan. Although understanding, they hadn’t just looked forward to giving Leo a proper welcome into the family, they’d had their sights on a good knees-up.
Yet again telling myself the Cavendishes would get over it, I thought it no wonder I’d avoided contact with them for weeks on end. As for Abbey and Chloe, I hadn’t said anything to them at all. But with one opening a new gallery and the other soon to have a baby, I was delaying the inevitable for as long as I could.
“Good morning,” Leo said, appearing in the doorway. He wore a gentle smile and much to my surprise carried a tray.
