At first, Mum did well at pretending she was okay with our plans. But the closer our holiday got, the harder it was for her to keep up the façade. Subtle hints about the importance of family time began creeping into her conversations. Then Jeremy’s affair came to light, leaving me no choice but to dump the man, which opened the door for Mum’s comments to become less refined. I rolled my eyes. Despite my insistence to the contrary, she seemed to have convinced herself that if she pushed hard enough, I’d stop being silly and jump back into the festive fold.
“It’ll feel strange,” Mum said, clearly hell-bent on keeping up the pressure.
I looked up to the heavens once more, telling myself that God loved a trier, even if I didn’t. “What will?”
Her responding sigh seemed to go on forever. “Being on your own at Christmas?”
I couldn’t help but smile as I envisaged our usual festivities. Waiting for us to arrive, Mum and Dad would be at the window like a couple of excited children, waving us in.
After losing ourselves under mountains of wrapping paper, they’d insist we spent the afternoon stuffing our bellies as much as humanly possible,eat, drink and be merryhaving long been the Noelle family Christmas motto. We’d watch Christmas movies and play board games. My heart warmed as I pictured Mum and Dad’s happiness at having us all there. “It’ll certainly be different,” I replied, my heart not warming quite enough.
“For us as much as for you,” Mum said, obviously going for the sympathy vote.
I forced myself not to laugh, knowing full well Mum was doing her best to hide her irritation at me not changing my mind. But whereas my sister had inherited Mum’s slimline physique, her stubbornness had been passed down to me. And as much as Mum refused to accept defeat on the issue of my holiday, so did I. Short of Vee going into labour, I was getting on that plane.
“Are you sure you’re doing the right thing?” she asked. “Because if something happens the last thing you want is to be stuck all that way away, with no means of getting back.”
I could think of worse places to be stranded.
I knew Mum meant well, but that was the thing, a bit of me-time was just what I needed. After what Jeremy put me through, it was what I deserved. And like I said to him when he also suggested I might want to bow out, no way was my holiday going to him and his bint, and neither was it going to waste.
“Mum, it’s a hotel. I’ll be surrounded by people.”
The line fell silent for a moment, and I could’ve sworn I heard the woman’s cogs turning as she tried to come up with another excuse as to why I should stay at home.
“Well you won’t get a proper Christmas lunch,” she said. “One with all the trimmings. AndJingle Bellswon’t sound the same on a steel drum, you know.”
“I’ll live.”
“Of course, the weirdest thing will be the weather. It’ll be hot.”
It was all I could do not to laugh. Winters in the Yorkshire Dales weren’t exactly fun for someone like me who felt the cold. “Lots of sun, sea and sand, you mean?”
“Exactly.”
“Instead of black ice and snow?” I knew I shouldn’t tease, but the more Mum tried to put me off going, the more reasons she gave telling me I should.
“Oh, you know what I mean.” Her voice bristled as her frustration finally came to the fore. “Joe, you talk to her,” she said, calling for backup. “For the love of all that is holy, that daughter of yours won’t listen to me.”
Poor Dad,I thought as I waited for him to come on the line. When it came to his wife and daughters, he always seemed to be stuck in the middle.
3
“Hello, love,” Dad said, while my mother grumbled in the background.
“Hi, Dad. How are you?” Knowing we were staying on the subject of my holiday, I decided to organise my flight boarding passes while we chatted and keeping the phone to my ear, I wandered through to the lounge. One handed, I grabbed my laptop, passport, and holiday booking confirmation off the sideboard and eager to get started, I took a seat on the sofa.
“I hope you weren’t giving your mum a hard time just then,” Dad said.
I switched on the computer and waited for it to fire up.
“She doesn’t mean any harm. She just worries about you.”
“I know,” I replied, even though in my view the woman had nothing to worry about.
“She just wants you here, where she can keep an eye on you.”
I scoffed. “Why? To make sure I’m eating properly? Getting my five-a-day?”
