He realised his predicament was all his own fault. He should have taken his mum’s advice sooner. If he had, for all anyone knew he and Maeve could’ve been well on their way to wedded bliss by now. On the other hand, they could have learned about each other’s insurmountable foibles and decided to call it a day. Either way, life would certainly have been simpler and he definitely wouldn’t be sitting in a public toilet right now. He took in his enclosure, and, not for the first time, he wished he hadn’t made that stupidpromise.
Maybe the pressure of the situation had gotten to him. After all, if ever a man needed love at first sight Dan knew it was him. He could almost hear the ticking clock in the background, reminding him he didn’t have to just like Maeve he had to fall in love with her. ‘Cheers, Mum,’ he said. The whole situation wasinsane.
He felt almost resentful and couldn’t believe how easily his mother had conned him into giving her his word. He couldn’t believe her determination to pretend all was well in the world – a condition that was obviously catching. Dan had spent the whole evening avoiding the subject of his mother’s health, trying to deceive himself into thinking he was here through choice. The façade couldn’t last though, he knew that; for his mother or for himself. Now he’d agreed to this date he had a decision to make and fast. He just felt scared that, if he did commit to Maeve, then that would be it. His mum’s reason for living would be gone and, as a result, she’d simplygiveup.
Then again, he reassured himself, she could remain stoic to the very end. His mother never could stand sickness. Even when he had chicken pox as a child she refused to show any sympathy, the relentless itching apparently all in his mind. ‘What’s a few spots?’ he remembered her saying, dragging him to school regardless. She even insisted the other parents would thank her for it; with him in the schoolyard they could get yet another childhood illness out oftheway.
As far as his mother was concerned, it was what went on in the mind and not the body that mattered. A bit of positive thinking could get anyone through anything. ‘Not this time though, eh, Mum,’ he said, reality showing its face once more. That sparkle of hers was fading with each passing day whether she chose to openly admit itornot.
He recalled the bottles ofOramorphhe’d found in the bathroom cupboard while he was looking for a fresh tube of toothpaste. They were the last thing he’d expected to come across. The bottles were unopened and stuck at the back, just reading the labels made him feel nauseous. His mum had obviously tried to hide them and, in respecting her wishes, he never let on to her that he knew they were there. Instead, they became a sort of comforter. Their daily presence allowed him to believe that his mum’s condition wasn’t worsening. Since her arrest though, the bottles had disappeared – along with his sense of security. If only she’d listened to him and not gone to Amsterdam that day. If she’d stayed home, her body’s fighting spirit might havestayedtoo.
He thought about his promise again, about why his mum had made him make it. Yes, he understood her reasoning; she wanted to die safe in the knowledge that he wasn’t alone. But did she really expect to be replaced so easily? Swapped for someone else? Because when he stripped everything back, that was what this allfeltlike.
Tears welled in his eyes and he quickly wiped them away. ‘Why do you have to take her?’ he asked. He looked up to the heavens. ‘When there are so many absolute bastards out there to choose from?’ He waited for an answer, it didn’tarrive.
He took his phone out of his pocket and began scrolling through his contacts until Annabel’s details appeared on the screen. With his thumb poised ready to hit call, just seeing her name felt reassuring, let alone the prospect of hearing her voice. Resisting the urge, he suddenly put the phone away again and taking a deep breath, he told himself he had to bestrong.
He took a second to gather his composure and standing up, headed straight for the sink. Dan turned on the cold tap and began sloshing his face. He knew he should get a move on as Maeve would be wondering where he was by now. He imagined her checking her watch, and let out a burst of mock laughter. If he did want to get to know the woman better, the last thing he needed was for her to think he had toiletingissues.
However, as he stared at his reflection Dan couldn’t help but continue to just stand there. Rooted to the spot, it was as if his feet refused to move. Tears returned to his eyes and with his breath suddenly catching in his throat, he couldn’t bring himself to stop them. He gripped the sink, his shoulders started to heave as he broke down completely and, finally succumbing to the agonising pain of his mother’s dying, he let the tears and the sobs just keepcoming.
* * *
‘I’m ready for this,’saidKaty.
‘Me too,’ replied Annabel, taking a seat. ‘I’ve been saving myselfallday.’
She glanced around the restaurant hoping the change of scenery would take her mind off recent events. Not that she’d told Katy about the pregnancy test. The last thing she wantedwaspity.
She smiled at the waiter as he approached to hand over their menus; he returned the gesture with a wink before going on his way. She blushed, wondering what was going on. She seemed to be attracting a lot of male attention lately, although she couldn’tthinkwhy.
‘Did you see that?’ asked a suddenly wide-eyed Katy, thankfully for Annabel at least having the decency to wait until he was out ofearshot.
‘What?’
‘Him.’ Katy indicated towards the waiter. ‘Talk aboutfancyingyou.’
‘Rubbish,’ Annabel replied. As if she wasn’t embarrassed enough. ‘You’re imaginingthings.’
‘I am not,’ said Katy. ‘And you know I’m not. Why else would you sit there so red-faced? Although I shouldn’t really be surprised, men have always looked at you like that. You’ve just never noticedbefore.’
Annabel laughed and shook her head. In her view, the menu deserved more attention than this ridiculous conversation. She began scanning its contents, trying to decide what to have. Being so hungry, it all sounded good. From theRabbit Rilletteto theWild Boar and Mushroom, she’d have tried everything listed given half the chance. Unlike her friend, she noted, who hadn’t even looked at hermenuyet.
Annabel could feel her friend’s eyes boring into her. ‘What now?’ sheasked.
‘Nothing,’ Katyreplied.
Deciding to take her at her word, Annabel hoped that, now, the conversation couldmoveon.
‘Anyway, speaking of who fancies who,’ she said. ‘How are things with Oliver?’ Annabel watched her friend’s whole face light up at the mere mention ofhisname.
‘Absolutely wonderful,’ she replied. ‘I don’t know what it is about that man, but he makes me so happy. Honestly, just the thought of him and I come over alltingly.’
‘Sounds like he could be the one,’ said Annabel, although going off her friend’s track record she’d believe it when shesawit.
Now it was her friend’s turn toblush.
‘Oh my gosh, Katy, he isn’t.Ishe?’
