She nodded, her expression thoughtful. “I can understand that to some extent, I think.”
His gaze grew serious as well. “Yes, I’m sure you can. Your sister was seen as the family’s great hope, was she not? Everyone expected her to marry well and you to…”
“Die.” Her eyes widened with alarm. Had she really just said that so bluntly? How morbid.
His smile was small and gentle. “It couldn’t have been easy, facing death all your life.”
She kept her mouth shut, afraid that if she tried to speak, she’d start to cry. No one had ever acknowledged the fears she’d faced every day of her life as she’d prepared herself for the inevitable.
“You are so brave,” he said.
And her heart nearly shattered. She supposed a better person wouldn’t need that validation, but she felt as if she’d beenwaiting her whole life for someone to say those very words and she just hadn’t realized it until she heard them.
“You’re brave too,” she said at last. And it sounded ridiculous. Of course, he was. She’d said as much before.Everyoneknew as much. But now, she meant something different and she reached for his hand. “You’re brave to step into your brother’s role.”
He stared at her for a long moment. “Thank you.”
She smiled but then the smile faltered. “I think...”
“What is it?” he urged when she didn’t start immediately.
But unlike the pressure she felt when others got impatient with her silence, she actually felt like he was eager to hear what she thought. “I think you’ll regret it even more if you don’t do him justice,” she said. “I suspect you don’t feel like it was meant for you, just like there are times I feel like...” She swallowed hard. “Like maybe I wasn’t meant to live.”
His hand squeezed hers and his nostrils flared, his lips pinched with emotion.
“But despite how it came about, we’ve both been given something,” she said. “A chance for a new life.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be mine,” he said, his voice so lowly she only just heard him. Her heart ached for him. There was no love lost between Lydia and Imogene, but she would still be heartbroken to lose her. And yes, she’d have more than her fair share of regrets over the relationship they didn’t have.
“His death was not your fault,” she said. “Even though you may take over as heir and all that comes with it, you are not to blame for his death and never wished for it.”
Of course, it wasn’t his fault. Everyone knew that. But she suspected he needed to hear it.
His throat worked as he held her gaze. “You are a marvel; do you know that?”
She let out a huff of laughter.
“No, I mean it. One does not need to charm and flirt or make witty quips to be a marvel. What matters is what’s inside, and your unique perspective, both from being sick and all these years of watching people, reading about them...” He trailed off with a smile. “On one hand I am violently angry that no man before me had seen the treasure standing right before him. On the other...” He lifted her hand to his lips. “I am forever grateful that they did not.”
Oh. Oh dear.
Her heart took a flying leap and her lungs struggled to draw in air. What was she supposed to say to that?
She had no idea. But the most lovely thing she’d learned from being around this man is that she didn’t have to worry. She thought that maybe she could even begin to speak freely around him in broad daylight one day soon.
“In their defense,” she said slowly. “I did an awfully good job of hiding.”
He let out a bark of laughter that made her grin.
“In that case, well done, love,” he said.
Love.The word echoed instantly in her head and they wouldn’t stop, not even when he turned back to the passage and she focused once more on the novel until at last she found it, the page she’d been looking for.
With a slow smile, she realized what had bothered her the first time she’d read it. “May I?” She took the passage from him and confirmed her thoughts. She couldn’t help a laugh at the simplicity of it.”
“What is it?” he asked.
She shut the book with a triumphant smile. “I believe I know when and where our traitors are next to meet.”
