I scoff, walking toward him with my arms crossed. “The fact that you think you can treat me like shit and then still tell me what to do like I’m a child is truly mind- blowing.” I’m not really upset; I’m trying to rile him up on purpose.
Just for fun.
Just to see how much it takes for his icy exterior to crack and give me backmyJulian.
I lift up on my tiptoes, my nails scratching against his chest and our faces coming close enough for our noses to brush. “Better get it together, patatino, or else the people here will think you’re my daddy and not my husband.”
He chuckles, deep and dark, his head tilting as he stares down at me, reaching out with his veiny hand and cupping my cheek.
“If I want to be yourdaddy, then I’ll take you over my knee again.” My eyes flutter, leaning into his warm touch.
“If I want to be to your husband, I’ll keep you at my side.” His thumb caresses my cheek.
“And if I want to be your lover, then I’ll kill the boy youlove.”
There’s something about the way he says that last sentence that has my focus snapping into place, wondering if maybe he’s so hot and cold, if the reason why he’s suddenly sodesperatefor me to tell him that I’m his is because he’s worried about Aidan.
About the boy who’s held my heart for years. The one who he had to manipulate in order to get us apart, and the one who up until a couple of weeks ago, I was sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
Of course.
If the situation were reversed and I was in Julian’s place, wouldn’t I feel the same?
My mind flashes back to the plane. To the night before. All the small moments in between. The ones that we shouldn’t have had but couldn’t escape.
Somewhere along the way, things shifted for both of us, changing from something that I had no escape from to something I ache to escapeinto, and if that’s happening for me, wouldn’t it make sense that’s it’s also happening for him?
He’s not a morally upstanding man, but then again, neither is my father, and I’ve looked past all the things I’ve known Baba to do because of how much I love him, so what’s stopping me from admitting that what I’m feeling for Julian could be something true, despite the way it began?
I tilt my head, watching him in an entirely new light.
Maybe this is real for him, the same way as it’s starting to feel real to me.
He starts to move, to turn away from me and the conversation, but I’m not letting him off that easily. Not when he’s put up these walls that keep me locked out, when I know that he’s really hurting inside.
Suddenly, the questions of if I’mhismake perfect sense, and it isn’t until right now that I let my defenses down fully, letting go of everything I was angry about, all the heavy, sick emotions, and allowing myself to admit that I care for him in a dizzying, painful type of way.
In a way that I’ve never felt for anyone else, not even Aidan.
My husband.
The man I’m supposed to hate.
He spent his entire childhood having to put others first without ever getting the love and attention of being chosen back.
So of course he’s putting up walls.
Of course he’s turning away.
I’m sure all this terrifies him as much as it does me, and it’s realizing that— realizing he’s having to deal with his feelings for me in the only way he knows how—that has me running after him to grab his arm.
He stiffens but stops in his tracks, and I move in front of him, craning my neck to stare into his eyes. My heart slams against my chest, teetering on the edge of a cliff, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, but I do know that I don’t want to be like my father, waiting until I’m on my deathbed to come to terms with my emotions and where I’ve failed the people I care about. And I don’t want to be like Julian’s mother, taking everything I can get from him and never giving anything in return.
I cup his face, his stubble scratching the palm of my hand.
He flinches, but he doesn’t push me away, his nostrils flaring as he stares down at me.
“Youstubborn, silly man.”
