Indi had mentioned other mistakes, other things, had factored into her decision.
I wondered if my arrogance had somehow given me a disproportionate view of how I treated her. In my own head, she had always appreciated the guidance and wisdom of an older man. Perhaps I had been. . .somewhat overbearing at times? Full of my own opinion?
I was not used to critical self-reflection and now these pork medallions tasted like sawdust in my mouth.
My attempts at conversation with Astrid went nowhere.
She was flicking her eyes back and forth all around Indi’s yard, tracking their every motion. Her eyes looked bloodshot.
“Are you in love with Finn?” I asked, forcing another bite of pork medallion in my mouth.
Because I was damn sure I was in love with Indigo still.
But she ignored me, suddenly leaping from her chair and throwing open the window.
“Finn! Finn! Come over here! I’ve cooked your favorite for supper, blackberry tart!”
“Fucking hell!” I heard Finn bark, and I couldn’t entirely blame him.
I had to go pull Astrid from the window before she collapsed sobbing into a chair.
Astrid was clearly delusional. And I was probably just as delusional, too, to think Indi could ever look at me again.
Hell and damnation.
That night, I looked at the couch with loathing. I couldn’t stand another night on it, so I went outside to the back porch and settled myself on one of our new lawn chairs. It was padded, right? It had to be better than Astrid’s stiff leather sofa.
But I woke up a few hours later to noises.
It appeared Indi’s bedroom window was open and she and Finn were engaging in some nocturnal activities.
Shit
And I couldn’t even move, because the ridiculous nonsensical chair would squeak and she’d know for sure that I was there. After falling out of the curtains I couldn’t bear to let her think I was just sitting around all day waiting to spy on her having sex with her new man.
So I just lay there, poker-stiff and still.
“Baby, you’ve got to move out of this neighborhood,” Finn said. “It’s filled with psychotic lunatics and creepers.”
Indi's voice was so soft I couldn’t hear what she said, but my skin crawled with shame.
“Come on, angel,” he said, and I could hear a rustling, the sound of his lips meeting hers.
“I'll get you a way better house. Any place you want. Any town you want, any country you want. Somewhere with a high gate and guard dogs so Ambrose and Astrid won’t always be crawling in the windows.”
She laughed then, and I burned with shame.
How had I, an unusually intelligent man, managed to fuck up my life to this extent?
There was no way to avoid my feelings. I had to lay there with tears gathering in my eyes, blurring my vision until they slowly fell down my face as Indi got thoroughly pleasured by another man.
The night was so quiet I was able to hear everything.
“Come on top so I can see you. . .”
“Hell no, you aren’t too big, mama. . .”
Low groans
